1. I will spend more "quality time with my children. Playing one on one coloring etc. 2. I will continue to look better (because it makes me feel better and more confident) 3. I will go out with my freinds more. 4.I would like to have her sleeping in the same room again (sorry I know it's not a short easily acheivable goal I just wanted to say it.
I realize we should not be too general when setting goals, but all I can think of right now is saving my marrige. My wife just moved into our third bedroom, only because, she said we cannot afford a divorce. She said we have grown far apart, and I guess I knew that, but I logged on to this site because I want some help. My heart is broken.
Start a thread of your own in Newcomers so that we can all help you out. Share your story, give us some details, and I'm sure you'll get loads of advice.
My first advice to you is to read Divorce Busting and/or Divorce Remedy immediately. Then, read posts here to get a feel for what others do to save their own marriages. It's very inspirational to read some of the success stories.
The next piece of advice is this: don't pursue, don't pressure her to talk, don't plead with her. Just give her space and work on being the best husband you can be without pushing yourself on her. Figure out what went wrong and fix it within yourself. If you want to save your marriage, you can do it...even by yourself. Your changes can inspire and influence your W to change. I've seen it happen!
My goals are pretty pie in the sky right now I think, but some I know I have to do! 1: Eat right and take care of my health 2: Be the best mom I can to my daughter 3. Plan fun things to look forward to with no income 4. Have my best friend back to talk to 5. Don't criticize or even talk when not needed 6. Be the type of woman that any man would be happy to have! 7. Live one day at a time! 8. Put my faith where it should be and let go of everything else.
OK some practical--some super human for me right now! That's the way most of my life is right this minute though:>
True courage is not just being brave in the face of the unknown, but knowing what's ahead and still moving forward.
1. My husband will actively work to spend time with me instead of with others or withdrawing into other activities.
I will do this by: *GAL: Join a writer's group, go to yoga, take surfing lessons, do activities I enjoy. *Continuing to exercise and eat well to tone up into a healthy, hot bod! *Wear clothing that plays to my strengths and makes me feel good about myself. *Let go of attachment and be happy with myself *Make friends in my new city via my new activities
2. My husband will enjoy rather than withdraw from my new, unconditionally loving attitude.
I can do this by: *Backing off a little bit on the verbal and written affirmations of my "new" attitude *Demonstrating my love through actions like making dinner, cleaning up the house, respecting his space, asking about his day, etc. *Being patient and consistent in my actions--consistency is key!!! *Understanding that his actions right now are not personal even though it really feels that way.
3. My husband will initiate sex with me at least once a week. I can do this by: *Exuding a happy, positive vibe *Wearing sexy nightgowns and underwear *Smiling and flirting with him *Working on my confidence and appearance
Do these sound okay? Feedback is much appreciated!
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
have a look at the post at the top of this page from Sandy_wants_to_try as I think some of your goals are too focussed on your H and not enough on you. For example, your number 2 goal could be "I will achieve and enjoy my new unconditional loving attitude" and your number one goal is great as long as you're not doing it solely for your H. Obviously we want our R back but these goals should be good for us even if we don't achieve that,
Moderator and others please help. I want to set 2 small and simple goals to show that I really am willing to work the DR book and at the same time my heart is hurting and I feel very closed off. So, are these short and action oriented or how can I improve them before presenting to H.
1. I would like H to read and show interest in my MIRACLE assignment from C by asking questions about it and working at understanding what it means to me. (The assignment was...If I woke up in the morning and my MIRACLE life was waiting for me what would that look like?) Here was what I read and gave him a copy of this afternoon... KB2's Miracle
I woke up this morning after a sound night’s sleep and my MIRACLE was waiting for me. I found God by my side and ready to take me on a journey of many levels…of forgiveness, more forgiveness for myself and for those who have trespassed against me; of patience, for myself and others and he helps to heal my heart, rebuild my spirit and soul and be open to giving and receiving more love than I could ever imagine.
I am at peace in my log cabin home in the country with Tigs by my side. I watch a beautiful sunrise over the lake on the porch every morning with my sight restored as the corneal transplant is a success. Of course, my morning run comes first as it gets the body going every morning. And, each evening I watch the sunset on the porch or by the fire pit as I quiet my mind and body. My favorite room in the big cabin is the huge fitness room that overlooks the water and the hot tub that soothes my aching muscles.
My family accepts me as I am and each of my nieces and nephew keep God in their hearts and their MIRACLES come true. Especially for my niece Jo, who gets the opportunity to play college ball and I get the opportunity to watch her play. My friends and family are happy and peace fills their hearts where hurts have now been healed. I make a positive impact in their lives in some way, shape or form by my words, my actions and by my love.
There is peace in the world and acts of kindness are a part of each person’s day. The homeless have homes and I help pound a nail or two to help build one of those homes which delights my heart.
My creative juices start to flow and I fulfill my goal of writing a book and having it published, and not to mention…it‘s a hit!
I also start and finish my Rad. Tech. schooling at the Medical College this Fall and I find work in the field helping people with seizure disorders.
Back to the cabin I go, where the barns are out back. There is a kennel where I train pups to become seizure disorder respondent dogs to help people who have seizures, just as I know Tig can sense my seizures or when things just seem a little off for me. He is my inspiration for this MIRACLE.
As for my prince, he treats me like a princess. He respects me and our lives are filled with laughter shared and moments of tears shed together. He is my best friend and we fish a lot (though he does have to hook the worms and we both catch lots of big fish) and I get to water ski on the side. We enjoy our time together walking, talking and sitting by the fire pit outside. I enjoy holding his hand and it fits like a glove; I feel safe in his arms. I can feel his passion through his words and actions. We share our life stories. We trust each other with our dreams, fears and innermost feelings and it feels safe to do so. We visit my favorite place in Whitnall Park and have long intimate moments as we chat and laugh together. We ride our two horses back at the cabin together and take bike rides. Sometimes my prince surprises me with my morning Starbuck’s (someday we own a Starbuck’s) and on a Friday or Saturday night after a long week, he surprises me with my favorite, Brisco County BBQ Chicken pizza. We travel to Colorado and Alaska. We go to Packer games and tailgate. We attend musicals and I feel the energy of the drama and music. We spend time working with the seizure alert dogs and then share the ultimate sense of fulfillment when a person with a seizure disorder receives one of our dogs, the feeling is incredible! Together or apart, I feel my prince’s presence and know his love is true. I trust him with my heart and my life. His gentleness and genuineness shine on me and his humor lights my world. We play in a volleyball league together with friends. He never has to witness one of my seizures. And, most of all, he is my soul mate, my forever friend, I am at peace with him and I am safe.
I go to the NCAA Final Four basketball tournament and watch North Carolina win the championship.
I see Reba McEntire in concert and it’s AWESOME! I get to have a one on one chat with her afterwards and I leave rejuvenated driving home in my Firebird with the tops down listening to her song, “I’d Rather Ride Around With You.”
Love, laughter and smiles fill my home and in the same breath no one is afraid to feel what’s truly in their heart. I laugh often and I am surrounded by positive people who love, care and respect me. They share in my happiness and I in theirs. Feelings are validated and reciprocated. My home is an emotional and physical safe haven for my spirit and soul to soar and peace is granted to all who enter in.
2. I will demonstrate an act of kindness or act of romanticism toward H each day until see C next Thurs. and H will do the same.
3. (This one comes from C, and I like it) H will come up with list of creative ideas to ask what he can do for me or if there is anything I want. His challenge is to use his humor (part of the reason I fell in love with him) and if one doesn't work, not to take as rejection and to try the next thing on his list.
Talk to me folks, I'd like to present these to him, if they need to be more specific or refined let me know.
My wife is a walk away wife. I have two boys who live with me 2 and 4. She comes over 5 days a week to watch the boys when I am at work. My first list of goals are:
1. to show my wife that I am worth a second chance. 2. to keep my family together 3. to become the man that I know I can be by setting goals. 4. To spend time with my wife without the kids. I know that these are not very specific but this is my first time doing this and I am trying.
