1. Not to call him just to hear his voice-start ending conversations myself. 2. leave the house eveyday, do things for myself 3. Not break down in front of my son.
I'll add more when I am having success with these...Sereta
I've been feeling like that about my husband and most of it is because he has had his attenion on other things other than myself and our relationship. I don't know what your relationship is like or how you have gotten to this point but i do know that you need to tell her how you feel. I would suggest writing a letter. don't be critical of her and her actions, stick to what you feel and what you see in her that keeps you in love with her. don't ask her to love you or to let go of what she may be doing with this other man. concentrate on telling her the good in her, how beautiful you think she is, how valuable she is to you and your relationship and family. He's probably telling her all of these things. I have someone telling me everything my husband doesn't and it feels good to hear it, he jokes w/me makes me laugh and pursues me(insinuates what he would like to do together) he does little things like write me stupid notes like "smile" and it makes me smile. like "you're the best" and I feel like the best. I am not in a physical affair w/this man but I would if it were not for God and my child. Start doing things to win her back, don't let the other guy win. don't beg her either or allow yourself to change or try to be something you're not. She fell in love with you the way you are. but she may need a little romance and for you to pursue her. you know what she likes, you know her better and longer than he. let her figure it out on her own. I think if she reads a letter with your heart's thoughts it may make her consider things. it will take time but just don't give up and for a little bit forget about the phone and the guy. It's great to see you looking for help. hang in there. hope to hear back from you. I'll check in to see what happens and I'll pray for you and your wife.
At least once a month, ask for and get constructive feedback from my W or MC on the improvements I'm making - active listening, eye contact, not defensive and validating other people's viewpoints. At least once every two days, go for a long hard walk, smile and say hi to everyone I meet. At least once a week, go and do something just for me, by myself
Ok, here goes! Mini Goals. 1. Be able to talk to H without bringing up our problems. 2. Be able to go to S's baseball games and not feel uncomfortable around H. 3. Celebrate my S's graduation as a family. Long Term Goals. 1. Have my family back as whole. 2. Be able to get passed this feeling of pain, hurt and anger. 3. Forgive myself and my H for the issues we are in. 4. Become the person that I want to be and the person he wants me to be. 5. Not get a "D"
Through all of this I believe we will be stronger. Just hope he see's it before it is too late.
A new member. My w and I have been married 14 years. She has been unhappy as she reports since the beginning. AS in the book, I have persued her when we have disagreements. Those have been frequent. Last year she wanted to leave. We went to therapy as we have off and On since our second year of marriage. I started talking to a f coworker. over 4 months. I ended the conversations and told my wife before someone else told her. She is now using this to make a move. She has rented an apartment. Moved some items. I have apologized and took corrective action. She is angry and hurt. This is one piece in the larger realm of our marriage. In the last couple days, I gave her space, no longer persueing. Only talking to her about kids activities, bills, schedules. She stopped me last night and said. "What Have I done now?" I said, "Nothing, I just wanted to give you the space you have asked for." This morning, I spoke to her before leaving to work and I would call her today. She responded, "So, You are speaking to me now?" My Goal to make connection without the pressure. This is hard because of the tension between us. I need advice on approaching her or do I wait on her to approach me. I am struggling with how much or how little to connect??? advise words of wisdom are welcome. J
1. Start actively getting a life; writing, exercise, bible study, choir, gym, volunteering, theatre acting. 2. Get a new job, maybe take a 2nd job. 3. In one month invite my H on a supper date to talk about what's good in our lives right now, no mention of D, even though it's going through. 4. Long-term goal, pay down debt (I absorbed all of our marital debt in legal separation, since I would have had to go to court to have my H take half of it and court costs would have amounted to half the debt ) 5. Travel 6. Date a little. 7. Lucky number 7, my H realizes he doesn't want to live without me.
- Get H to start contacting me again - Be completely at peace with the fact that I may not have children - Make new friends - Start working out - Pay off all the debts I was left with - Go back to school for masters - Redifine myself
That's good for now.
May it be eternal while it lasts.
My sitch
Me: 36
H:34
M: 5 years
Bomb: 03/14/06
1. I will continue to maintain my self respect and dignity by not pouring my heart out to H. 2. I will continue to encourage H to figure out what makes him happy. 3. I continue to do my daily affirmations and visualizations.
I will know these goals are being met by 1. I will get out and socialize at least one a week. 2. H will ask me out for lunch/dinner 3. H will call me just to say hi
Peaceful ~ I believe in true and everlasting love. Me 33 SO 38 D 10
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