Well, if Im going to do this, Im going to do it right. Goals for this next stage of my life: 1) Realize that what has happened cant be changed. 2) Realize that I have to fix whats wrong with me before anything will get better. 3) Realize that, no matter what, my own pain is secondary. The kids have to have a parent who wont let his own feelings influence how he acts. I have to be "happy Dad", regardless of how much I hurt. 4) Realize that, even if she comes home and this all works out, its not going to be soon. 5) Realize that my wife needs her space right now. Smothering her isnt going to get her back. 6) Realize that you can pick up the phone 563 times a day, just dont dial. 7) Realize that checking your email as many times as you pick up the phone isnt going to make an email from her appear. 8) Realize that the 35 lbs. Ive lost in the last 6 months can be a good thing, as long as I put it back on in muscle. In other words, get back in the gym! 9) Realize that Im doing the best that I can, and I havent done everything right. But, Im going to be a close to right from now on as I can be. and lastly... 10) Realize that I truly and dearly love my wife, no matter how hard this gets, I know that she is worth all of this. I CAN make my marriage work, and get my girl back in my arms again.
Present goals: Long Term - 1.) Establish positive dialogue with W. 2.) Have W go to counseling with me. Obviously, this won't happen until I'm back in CA, which is (hopefully) in 3 months.
Short term - 1.) Follow DB 'Rules of Engagement' when I talk to W on phone tomorrow. 2.) Read DB and follow advice of those more experienced than I. " A fool learns from his own mistakes; a wise man learns from the mistakes of others."
This list will change as we go along. Right now I'm keeping it simple.
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
That was my phrase. I meant Ground Rules for Communicating or whatever it's called. It's a moot point anyway...I never called. Became convinced it was unwise.
David
Last edited by Tamashii; 03/10/0603:04 PM.
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
I am not sure where to start and am having a hard time even functioning much less setting goals but what I want is the following:
1) I want to be able to get myself into shape. 2) I want to get reconnected with God. 3) I want to make sure that I do not let my children see me do anything I would be ashamed of toward their father. 4) I want to stop calling him. 5) I want to stop asking him to come back. 6) I want the courage to go on if he doesn't ever come back. 7) My ultimate goal is of course I want him home with me and the children.
I am not sure if these are good goals or not but I am so lost and confused right now I am just trying to keep going. I need to keep going for my 5 children and myself.
Amy G.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
My goals? Making it through today. Getting up tommorrow. Learning to love myself again. Learning to reconnect with my son. Getting my W back. Learning to make it even if marriage doesn't.
This is my first post of what will be the first of many. My H left me two weeks ago, he's moved out and has his own place now. Here are my goals for now. Hope to get some feedback.
1.Stop calling him! and crying and telling him I love him and I want to work things out.
2.Be happy and upbeat when I see H and not talk about our R
3.Work on myself, lose weight (lost 10lbs, 30 more to go), get contacts and be more physically active (started going to gym).
4.Stop being so needy. Be more independent. Go out with friends, live life, enjoy new activities by myself
5.Spend more time with my daughter
Long-term goal 1.have h tell me he loves me 2.we work on our R 3.H moves back in
The goals have been difficult for me. I really need some input on these. Am I going in the right direction here?
1) We will start going out on dates again, i.e. dancing, movies, races, bowling, fishing, etc.
2) We will start having more intimate conversations, deep heart felt conversations, not general talk about weather work, etc.
3) We will openly and honestly discuss issues without any hostility or anger.
4) We will trust each other again.
5) We will show each other affection daily, ie kissing each goodbye/goodnight, holding hands, cuddling while watching tv, hugging & kissing when we first get home from work to greet each other.
6) We will make slow passionate love, increase overall sex to at least once a week.
7) We will tell each other how we appreciate each other, how we value each other, give compliments daily.
8) We will validate each others feelings.
9) We will be more romantic to each other again, ie. setting up surprise dates for each other, him sending me flowers for no reason, him/I buying a card for each other for no reason but to say I love you, I appreciate you, you're wonderful, write each other love letters like we use to.
10) I want my H to believe our marriage is salvageable, I want to stay married.
11) We will start saying "I Love You" again on a daily basis.
12) H will wear his wedding ring again.
13) We will call each other during day to just say Hi, I love You, Hope you are having a great day, I am thinking about you, I cant wait to see you tonight, etc.
1- Make the neccessary changes in my life to correct the difficulties in my M 2- Sell my house and move to where my W is 3- See my W at least three times a week once i am there, church on Wed and Sunday, and another night just for fun to start repairing our differences. 4- Prove to each other we can have a successful M by discussing our needs and acting on them. 5- Move back in together and live happily ever after.
I am new to this forum and wonder if anyone can help. i AM 37 AND MY WIFE IS 38. wE HAVE 2 KIDS (8/10) She told me in January that she loves me but is no longer in love with me. She has apparently felt that for 5 years. We have been together for 22 years. I found out in mid Feb that she met someone thru the internet and had lunch with him a few times. He is 32 and is in a band. He is away on tour for at least a year so they cannot see one another. She tells me that he is just a friend but I do not believe her. She recently bought a 2nd cell phone which I found. She tells me it is because she feels that I smother her. When I first found out about everything I did smother her but am trying not too. We still live together and sleep in the same bed but haven't been with each other for 2 and a half months. I am really upset about the 2nd cell phone because she told me that she would not call him again when I first found out. Anyone have advise for me????????????
