If you have a goal that is directed toward getting something positive from your WAS, try to redirect the goal to something YOU can accomplish that may motivate your WAS in a positive direction. Don't give-up on your goal to get something positive in return, just start smaller with things you have potential to control. Your own feelings and behavior are a great place to start.
Also, we must become good caretakers of ourselves. We must value our own self worth. We really need to shine.
My goal for the holidays is to stay upbeat and positive, even with our recent family tragedy. I choose this for a goal as I know my W really needs this right now. If I can put my own selfish feelings aside, the holidays will be brighter. I'll consider it a gift. A gift to myself.
1. I will attend my AA meetings regularly. 2. I will not stop AA or my other new healthy activities just because H is home on his 2 weeks off of work. (He works 2 weeks away at work and then is home two weeks) 3. I will not say I love you to him. 4. I will not initiate sex, nor physical affection. 5. I will give him space. 6. I will try to show him through actions other than sex and physicality and verbal expressions of love that I do really love him, ie. cooking more dessert foods, meals he likes, showing interest in sports, etc.
Comments anyone? Are these goals expressed properly? Are they good goals? Focused enough?
DEFINITELY stick with the first 2. Avoid skipping any meetings just because you feel you need to be home with him, just because he's there. This may be something you can talk to him about upfront, maybe clear the air, in the off chance he may feel like you're "neglecting" him by going. This can be an "ask for what you want" from him, asking for his support with this.
Now, for the other goals, try to come up with some ways that you will know that what you're doing is working. Maybe a thing or two you'd like to see happen, that would show you that things are progressing, before he has to leave again that would show you're on the right track.
You're doing great!!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
1. I will attend my AA meetings regularly. For #1--I will ask him to be supportive of this. If he says yes that he can be, then I will have achieved something I want from him. 2. I will not stop AA or my other new healthy activities just because H is home on his 2 weeks off of work. (He works 2 weeks away at work and then is home two weeks) For #2--I want him to notice that I am more independent and outgoing and show this by paying more attention to me when I am home with him.
3. I will not say I love you to him. For #3 I want to stop persuing him, in the hope that he will persue me a little bit. Maybe by showing more interest in me, calling more often when gone, talking to me more often when home. 4. I will not initiate sex, nor physical affection. For #4-I want him to initiate sex more often and be more physically affectionate during and after sex. 5. I will give him space. For#5- I want him to stop withdrawing so much, and spend more time with me. 6. I will try to show him through actions other than sex and physicality and verbal expressions of love that I do really love him, ie. cooking more dessert foods, meals he likes, showing interest in sports, etc. For 6- I want him to be nicer to me...do little things to show he is trying to work on things, make me a meal, get me a cup of coffee, ask me if I need something, etc.
Comments anyone? Are these goals expressed properly? Are they good goals? Focused enough?
hope to get her to talk about why she what to leave hoping is if can win her back i read the divore busting book it help me but she would read it or see hepl[polloption=help to see what to do when she wont takl] Code:
Hi 2020! Welcome to the board! Sorry that you're here, but you've come to the right place to get you started on maybe finding some answers to your questions!
Tell us more about what's going on with you. It will be helpful to get yourself a thread of your own started on the newcomer's forum, since you might not get a lot of responses here.
Just click here , then fill in the subject line, and go down below that to make your post.
Once you do that, we'll gather up the troups, and try to give you the help and support that you need!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
