I think he's starting to care again about me. Baby steps. Don't read into anything; you'll just be setting yourself up for diappointment. Careful, not ready for full reconciliation. Holidays, family stress coming up.
Got a kiss during sex. This time, I rejected. Hmm. Careful here. Gawd, this stuff is personal. I hope you don't mind. Because I sure question it. But it sure seems to be true, the way to a man's feelings is through his genitilia.
He talked to me a bit.
Next goals: Asks me to go to a Xmas party with him. Too early? He calls me and reads to me. I spend the night there. He hugs me for awhile. Just let it happen. I'll be fine. Baby baby steps. Sarah
W will call/email me just to say hi or chat about nothing in particular W will say something complimentary (e.g. you look nice) W will suggest having lunch or dinner sometime W will buy me a small Christmas present
Still keeping my goals small!
And it is still usually me that initiates contact, though usually with a valid pretext (school etc.)
"1) H and I will have more regular and similarly open contact through his sharing of the dog responsiblities. 2) We will continue to ride out his MLC at 33 years old (I was his first and only GF before OW--I had had other R's before) and not make any hard and fast decisions until we both are sure about who we are and what we want. 3) I will not be afraid to ask for help when I need it (I was always the "parent" role in our R). 4) He will feel safe telling me how he feels (like he did when he said "I miss you, but I don't know what that means) and continue to do so as he works through his feelings. 5) I will not blame him or express anger about his confusion. 6) He will initiate a social outing with just the two of us sometime in the next month or so.
Does that sound reasonable? Too weak or too pushy? Just wondering..."
A little update on the progress:
1) H and I have emailed or talked on the phone at least once a week about dog or rent things. He has taken care of the dog every time I've asked, and he has left me a nice note each time. 2) He told just one week ago that he didn't want to talk about D next time we see each other. He said he wanted to talk about "the opposite." 3) I have just asked him for dog-sitting or rent or even reassurance about how close we are to D whenever I needed it, and he has given me what I've asked for every time. 4) He told me just a week ago, "When I have told you that I miss you, I have really meant it." 5) I have told him that I can't see him again until he's done with OW and have expressed that I don't want to do him any favors until it's done. (Maybe a little aggressive, but truthful.) 6) He asked me about a week and half ago if we can have dinner sometime soon. I said that I can't until OW is out of the picture, he said "Let's talk in the next couple of weeks," and here we are.
Next set of goals? I'm not sure where to go from here? Do I keep working to bolster the same goals, or do I step it up a little? Thanks for being here! Edna
Making some goals... 1)Finish this semester strong, one paper and one exam left. 2)Already began cleaning my apartment and organizing my closet 3)Get my eBay stuff in order...(eBay junkie big time) 4)Give myself and the H some time to just heal emotionally 5)Keep running... 6)Joined the choir at bible class (and it fits so nicely...) 7)Have some calm and simple contact with the H 8)Maybe go on a simple yet fun date with H
The reality is that we can never go back to the way things were and to be honest I don't want things to go back to the way they were...if we are going to try again, it will have to be with a new heart and purpose.
9)Fun friendship with H. I will take more of an interest in his activities and pay more attention to him. He is such a Leo... 10)Less nitpickiness on my part...to much overcorrection. I am such a Virgo... 11)More conversation and communication from the H. He will take an interest in all the work and activities I am particpating in at school. He is very quiet and introspective. Well this is an okay start...more later Peace furElise
I would like my wife to be my best friend again I would like my wife to come back to bed with me at night I would like to spend more time alone with my wife I would like to have more conversations about things going on in our lives I would like we spend time together going out as a family I would like to be home for Christmas Wife will call me to see how I am doing Wife will start conversations Wife will invite me to dinner Wife will hug me Wife will go out to dinner with me Wife will include me in future plans
Goals: 1)Work out everyday for 30- 40 minutes 2)Spend quality time with the kids. Play games, cook, etc. 3)Cut back on alcohol consumption on both weekday & weekends. 4)Attend church every Sunday 5)I will not pursue. 6)I will not initiate any physical touching (kissing, hugging, sex). 7)I will not initiate any personal conversations. 8)I will be pleasant in my interactions with W. a) I will smile b) I will be happy c) I will inquire about her day, and treat her as well as a stranger
