</font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> I just want to tell BurnandServe how happy I am about the news!!! Fantastic
Thanks! It is really a slow and hard process fixing the messes we allow ourselves to get into. I am still working on the new goals, been so busy with other things in my life I haven't had much time to work toward them yet.
However more goood news, H asked me to go to dinner with him tonight. Only thing he has picked the restuarant we visited the night before he left. Thinking positive....LOL
great! and you can change the memory
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
</font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr /> I just want to tell BurnandServe how happy I am about the news!!! Fantastic
Thanks! It is really a slow and hard process fixing the messes we allow ourselves to get into. I am still working on the new goals, been so busy with other things in my life I haven't had much time to work toward them yet.
However more goood news, H asked me to go to dinner with him tonight. Only thing he has picked the restuarant we visited the night before he left. Thinking positive....LOL
great! and you can change the memory/feeling associated with that place
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Goal update: My goals, on track, work a bit harder, do some more projects, go shopping! Start caring about ME.
H's goals: 1- Another kiss. and another, ad infinitim. 2- He calls me to tell me about his day. He starts reaching out to me, trusting me. 3- A previous goal, which I don't know makes sense, is that he calls me and asks my opioion. I am trying to think if he ever used to do that. I would have to say the answer is no. In OR he would call to tell me about his day, his thoughts. Hmm. Maybe that's what I felt lacking in OR. 4- Invites me to a movie. This is a big one. 5- Invites me to a work party. Invites me to his family's party. HUGE. 6- Keep being solution oriented. What works, what doesn't? Sarah
Can you tell me how I can set goals under my sitch? things have changed since I first started posting (changed rapidly) could you stop by my post & offer any advice? Thanks Jserode
Sarah, sarah, sarah, You got a baby step ( a kiss) and you are ready for full reconciliation. You have been warned about this, they make a baby step towards you and then they have to step back again. Now H is signing his emails "X" again instead of his name. So, let's set some realistic baby steps that can happen in the next week or two. My goals: Career, kids, projects. NO OR, OW talks. As soon as there is a remote possiblitity of the blame and anger rising, end the conversation... gotta go>
H's goals 1- He calls me and tells me about his day. 2- another Kiss.
1) receive some unprovoked affection. 2) use the DBing techniques with out messing up. 3) show (not tell) I have changed. 4) show my kids, I am still here. 5) show my W why she loved me before (without smothering). 6) keep focused the future.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
Hey, what’s up with this? H just called me at work (never does this except to tell me he wants to pick DD up after school) he asked me what I was doing. I told him working then stated that I thought he had left to go on his hunting trip. He said; well we got the camper stuck in the yard and we are just now leaving. I said oh, okay. He said well I just wanted to call and say bye and to let you know I will be back on Friday. Okay, have fun <scratching my head>. Tell DD I love her. Okay will do.
I’ve been working on new goals. Are they too vague?
1. Continue working on first 12 goals. These help me to focus on me and my happiness with my life. H has been spending more time with me in the last few weeks and has made an effort to contact me for conversation and dinner. Allowed me to seduce him and stayed the night. H ran like a frightened puppy the next morning…LOL 2. Let H initiate any further intimacy. Continue to always look my best even when he is not around. Let H feel like he is being naughty when getting caught staring at me. 3. Finish working on the new décor inside the house until finished. H noticed changes to décor and made a comment regarding liking the new concept. H refers to the home as mine (meaning me) and not ours. 4. Re-enforce to H that home is ours. Whenever he comments about household items and home as mine (meaning me) correct him and say; you mean ours. I don’t really want to correct him, I only want to re-enforce the idea that this is still considered his home. Bad idea? Is this pursuing? 5. Get medical help regarding hormone replacements. Find ways of getting the medical attention I need while trying to maintain household budget. Try to hold off until December when local health center can work me into schedule. They can give referrals if surgery or physician attention is necessary for the pain I am experiencing during intimacy. 6. If H continues giving me attention, play a little hard to get in order to get H to pursue me for a change. H has never pursued me in OR and has only said ILY once in ten years. I have made a decision that if I am not worthy of a little pursuit then he is not worthy of my love. 7. Listen and allow H to tell me about his R and plans with others. Reinforce his ideas for having a good time even though it does not include me (us). Allow him to continue to vent his concerns regarding his immediate family (do not comment, just listen and validate his concerns).
Goals for H
1. H will continue showing interest in me. 2. H will compliment me on my looks. 3. H will notice my changes and decide to change also. 4. H will initiate intimacy. 5. H will communicate with me about his feelings (something he only does with MIL). 6. H will tell me he loves me without being coached...LOL 7. H will decide he wants to come home. 8. H will make us the most important persons in his life. 9. H will defend me in my presence. 10. H will ask for a key. 11. H will tell me what he wants in OR. 12. H will ask what I want in OR. 13. And lastly (for now) H will ask me if he can put my weddings rings back on my hand.
Now I just have to figure out how I plan to get H to want to do all these things <scratching head> Oh well, guess I have plenty of time to figure it out.
I was reading another's post and I was thinking some of their goals were really what I need and so with that, here goes: 1. I will continue to work on myself with a new attitude 2. I will continue to change the things that I brought to the marriage that caused problems: nagging, mistrust, controlling 3. I will not pressure my husband to talk to me if and when I see him
Goals: 1- Act as if I am a wonderful person, with a PMA. by accepting H for who he is. i.e. when he says something, does something, say that's nice, that's interesting. No expectations which lead to disappointments, no critisizing, no guilt.
H's goals, 1- Calls me to get together 2- Kiss 3- stops the blame game 4- Listens to me, respects my opinion
H just called me at work (never does this except to tell me he wants to pick DD up after school) he asked me what I was doing. I told him working then stated that I thought he had left to go on his hunting trip. He said; well we got the camper stuck in the yard and we are just now leaving. I said oh, okay. He said well I just wanted to call and say bye and to let you know I will be back on Friday. Okay, have fun <scratching my head>. Tell DD I love her. Okay will do.