OK I am just venting. I know I sound stupid and unreasonable so please bear with me. As you know my Husband will not be home for Christmas. I have already accepted that. In some ways I was glad he would be alone as I thought this might light a fire under his arse to get things moving. So my MIL mentions to me a couple of weeks ago that it is too bad H will be all alone for Christmas but in some ways it might be good as he may miss his family. Little did I know until today that she has invited him to spend Christmas with her and her family. And he is going. He told me this morning that he should see her as he hasn't paid her a visit since February. I called her today and asked her what the big secret was, and all she did was Hum and Hah. I did not have an attitude, I was not rude. I just said thank you and hung up.
So now I am mad. This woman has lied and lied and meddled non stop in my marriage. She has NEVER said a bad word to my Husband about his actions towards me and the kids. She always says that "my Mijo needs to be happy". (Mijo means son). I rarely talk to her anymore and feel very betrayed by the family so I avoid her like the plague. I can not do anything or say anything it is his Mother. I do not know how he can face his whole family and celebrate Christmas knowing that his wife and kids are alone, 3000 miles away. I personally would be too ashamed to face anyone. So that is my vent I have to go and do something productive or I will be sitting her stewing all day.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
It would be frustruating..believe me, I know how in laws can be..mine just stop speaking to me.
Does she know you guys are working on getting together? Maybe she does not want to share him.
Does he live near them?
Brandnewday, do not let this take your joy away. That is what is trying to happen.
You are allowed to be mad..I would be. You are allowedd to feel that emotion.
Quote: So my MIL mentions to me a couple of weeks ago that it is too bad H will be all alone for Christmas but in some ways it might be good as he may miss his family.
Yes, it is deceitful..but you are better than that. Don't ler her get to you.
Hard to do because your MIL got me angry over this.
What kind of mother does not encourage her son to see his wife and kids???
But after you feel the emotion just breathe and let it go. God will deal with the rest
It would be frustruating..believe me, I know how in laws can be..mine just stop speaking to me.
Does she know you guys are working on getting together? Maybe she does not want to share him.
Does he live near them?
Brandnewday, do not let this take your joy away. That is what is trying to happen.
You are allowed to be mad..I would be. You are allowedd to feel that emotion.
Quote: So my MIL mentions to me a couple of weeks ago that it is too bad H will be all alone for Christmas but in some ways it might be good as he may miss his family.
Yes, it is deceitful..but you are better than that. Don't ler her get to you.
Hard to do because your MIL got me angry over this.
What kind of mother does not encourage her son to see his wife and kids???
But after you feel the emotion just breathe and let it go. God will deal with the rest
Hi BND.. I have been reading all the posts but didn't have anything significant to contribute. As for this post, I definitely relate to you. I know how it is when you feel lack of support from your H's family. Where does his mother and family live? In the same state as he? SO sorry you have to find this out now. I know you're going to do your best to stay calm with your H and not cause a crisis at this time. I hope you feel better about this soon. This BB is sure one good place to vent and we're all thankful for that. Hang in there and I know you will. ~PH
"Crap" and "ouch", pretty much sum it up. I hate MILs who let their sons do whatever they want and practically teach them to be self centered....OMG I totally relate. My mil told me the reason H lied to me was b/c he didn't want to see my reaction.....REALLY???? THAT IS SOOOO RARE AND SOOOO DIFFERENT......
Geez, as if guys lie b/c they LIKE the idea of seeing our reactions...my response to my mil was, and I quote ".......well, duh..."
In 27 years of knowing H, she has never once told him anything he did was unpleasant or less than perfect. We have her only grandchildren and she has not called ONCE in 18 months, unless H is here, to ask about the kids....
Let me say OFFICIALLY and PUBLICLY that I will be a different type of MIL.....no son of mine would do this crap and not get an earful from me. Just for the record... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
J My S20 told me that if he ever decides to go AWOL that I had better hunt him down like a wild dog and drag his sorry arse home.
He also said that if he flipped out like his Dad would I promise that I would always treat his wife and kids properly unlike my inlaws have treated me and the kids. I tell you some kids have more common sense then 40 year old men!!!
On a lighter note, my H called me this aftermnoon. I told him that I was feeling really hurt by his Mother for being such a liar and a manipulator. He asked me if he should cancel his plans to go so that I would feel better. He didn't have an attitude, he actually seemed quite concerned. He reiterated the fact that he really didn't want to go but felt guilty as he hasn't seen her in ages.
He told me again that he is really trying to get home ASAP and he is sorry for putting me and the kids in this position.
Sometimes I feel I am being a fool, but I know I am supposed to trust God in all of this and hopefully things will all make sense one of these days.
I do love my Husband, I just want to try and remember what normalcy is. I have forgotten. This dysfunctional life has become my normalcy. How screwed up is that?
I just want my whole family together. I want to wake up with my Husband next to me. I want to sit at the dinner table with my whole family. I want to have someone to talk to after the kids go to sleep. I want someone to run an errand with me.
I know this is what we all want and I am sorry for whining.
I am just really down. I wish there was a fast forward button somewhere I could press and this whole BSMLC saga would be over.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
BND, One thing that struck in your first post of this series was when you referred to H being with his family and you all alone. You WILL NOT be all alone. You will have your own wonderful family around you. It is H who will be missing out. Keep strong.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
BND.. It's been a lon haul for you, so it's understandable that you can't wait for this to be over. None of us here can and most of us haven't been in our situations half as long as you have.
As for your MIL, she's probably a pretty unhappy person, to have to lie and lie and lie through life. She must feel pretty threatened by you somehow. This should help youhold your head up high. She probably envies you.
It's nice that your H is being concerned. I wouldn't want to be in his position at all. Nice he offered to cancel going to your MIL's.
