Trying to piece this marriage together long distance is so hard. Having a phone relationship with my Husband is trying.
Please don't get me wrong. We talk for hours each day.
It isn't that I am ungrateful for the efforts he is making.
It is the daily grind of still doing everything alone and taking care of the kids and the house and feeling very unfulfilled.
I want to go back to work or school. I want something for myself. I want some financial independence, I don't like being at his mercy for everything.
Unfortunately I can not put my S5 in school until H is actually home because of the hours and the childcare arrangements.
I spoke to my H today. I told him that I felt depressed and he wanted me to talk to him about it.
Yes he listened but he tried to solve the problem for me and he told me that I need to basically pull myself up from this and be grateful for the things I do have.
Maybe he feels somewhat guilty because of the situation I am in and for now he can't do anything.
But I came away feeling like a child and I don't feel understood.I want my feelings validated. I want him to see that I am lonley and I am tried of being the strong one all of the time.
I know that he is trying to sort things out with his job situation so he can be home permanently.
I have been patient for so long now and I just want it all NOW!!
I know I sound unreasonable and stupid.
He will be here in a few days and I am happy about that but then he will have to leave again and might not be able to make it for Christmas as his goal is to be back in the begining of January for good.
So I suppose the grown up thing to be doing right now is to focus on the positives and stop dwelling on so many negatives.
So somebody slap me and tell me what to do
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
BND- I just wanted to address one part of your recent post. Have you read the book "Love and Respect" by Emmerson Eggerichs?
Quote: Yes he listened but he tried to solve the problem for me and he told me that I need to basically pull myself up from this and be grateful for the things I do have.
Maybe he feels somewhat guilty because of the situation I am in and for now he can't do anything.
But I came away feeling like a child and I don't feel understood.I want my feelings validated. I want him to see that I am lonley and I am tried of being the strong one all of the time.
In the book, Eggerichs talks about men wanting respect and women wanting love. One section actually talks about men wanting to help women 'solve' their problems when women really only want to vent and be validated.
Might be helpful to you at this point to check out this book as it may give you some added insight into your Hs actions right now.
Hi BND, I am going to slap your wrist!! - Please take it slowly and try not to get your feellings validated YET!! You have worked so hard and got so far by working at yourself. BE PATIENT!! - There will come the day when you can share all your problems with H, but I think it is too early now!
I know how you must feel dealing with everything on your own and how frustrated you must be. I am thinking of you. HUGS
I read that book, and yes I understand. I have the respect part down pat. He told me he feels respected and loved by me. I guess I am impatient, because I want to feel that way too. I should know better, I have been on this journey for years. I have to go back to zero expectations. I need a latte...extra whipped cream. CHOCOLATE!! A cigarette. He called me a little while ago. He was very sweet and was trying to make me laugh. I know he loves me. I also know we are rebuilding and we are both afraid. I also know once he is really home I will feel much better.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Just hang in there!!!! I know I want to take a class too and start doing even more for me (now that I'm not single and living the crazy single lifetyle as my 180!). I'm thinking I might try taking Spanish one night a week through the city parks and rec. (no grades so I don't have to worry if I miss one or two classes!).
In the meantime chocolate's pretty good. If you have a See's Candy that's a great place to start!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I LOVE See's. I asked my H to bring me a BIG box of Dark chocolate nuts and chews. My H called me a couple of times today to tell me how excited he is to be coming home. These are the things I need to dwell on...that and waking up with him next to me each morning. I have to be more positive ... Gotta go and heat up the wax and take care of business
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
