Well the concert was fun. It was Blake Shelton and he has a good show. He has the song Goodbye Time which was hard to listen to. I am so bummed out now. That girl is so beautiful. I miss her terribly. I wish someone could show her whats shes throwing away. She told me that when she has the boys all they talk about is the fun they have with me. She says she can take it though. It breaks my heart to hear that. Why cant she see the true hurt that they feel? That I feel? My wife was never a selfish person her entire life and now its all she seems to be. This is the hardest time of my life. Dear God give me the strength to carry on. Give me the way back to my wife's heart. Give my wife the love she needs and give me the love I need.
hello benwa, as it goes here on the bb, sorry to hear about your sitch. only she will have to come to that realization of what she might be throwing away. hard to see the true pain they are causing when what they are just thinking of is themselves. it is amazing how our S were these mates that we love and adore and never in a million years would dream that something as horrible as what has happened happened. all of a sudden, they are selfish and think of only 1 person, themselves. remember.. it's not about you, it's about them. only your S can come to the conclusion herself of what she has done and what she wants to do. you need to start healing by taking care of yourself and your boys. it's a rough road out there, but you have lots of support here to guide you thru your journey.
Benwa, Friends see you hurting, they don't want you to hurt. The easiest solution in their eyes is "forget about her". It's meant to be well meaning but just see it as that. I've been told "you've done everything possible, when are you going to move on?". Only DB and the people on this board really will support you in staying. Maybe that's unfair, my friends and family support me in any choice I make here but underneath I know they'd be jumping for joy if I left. So, as others have said, take care of yourself (GAL) and look to DBing until you feel you can't do it anymore. It's OK to bail if you have to. Your kids come first!
I know they just want the pain to go away its just their compassion. I am committed to keeping this marriage. My DBing will be the long haul. Its just a rollercoaster you know The biggest reason I am not moving on is my kids. I see their pain every time I drop them off at the house. My wife has no money no food and barely enough money for gas to take them anywhere. Most of her spending money goes to her nights out. That really makes me sad. My oldest is in fifth grade and as soon as we get there he goes to his room, shuts the door and turns on the tv. My youngest fights to come with me every time. What does that do to her? I think it makes her resentful not remorseful and thats a shame. Her boys love her more than she knows and don't understand whats going on. Seperation doesn't have a trickle down effect on the kids. They aren't happy because their moms happy or sad because their dad is sad. The emotion they feel is hurt confusion anger self blame and so on. So I will keep at this as long as it takes for her eyes to open again. My children deserve that as much as they deserve anything. And thanks again for the caring and support. Without help we all would be lost. God Bless
I was wondering: When the WAS takes off the ring should you keep your on or take it off also? i took mine off and she noticed. She didnt say anything and I miss it as much as i miss her. I felt it was a way of showing her I am "moving forward" in my life. Any opinions? Should I put it back on?
Thanks for the response I think thats right. Show my commitment. I was wondering also about showing her friends my commitment. My W has 2 colse firnds who are trying to stay "neutral" one has talked to me and one has not. Is there a way to show them the canges I have made to pass along to my W? Or is that seen as trying to recruit for my "team"? I feel that her friends want her to be happy but think shes being foolish. She has told me in the past how much they both think of me one even said I was gorgeous. They both have terrible relationship issues and felt that my W was lucky with me. Do you think they could help? Has anyone else has success or failure doing this?
My W has planned a trip this weekend to KC. She said that it was a trip with the girls. I have found out that is a trip with the OM. I think she is feeling very guilty about it because she has lied about the trip to everyone except her sister. I am feeling very down but I think that this weekend will show his true colors. I have bought her a gift that she won't like but I need to give it to her. I am also giving her a card with a message that she needs to hear. "Be Safe" is what I want to say. I think I am going to take custody of my boys this weekend and cut her off until she lets me know one way or the other about our future. I am going to also take the money away. I think she needs to see what she is going to lose if she continues doing what she's doing. If nothing changes nothing changes. I feel like the end of my rope is here. Any input about this move would be appreciated.
Benwa, God, I know how painful it is to watch your W go off with the OP for a weekend but PLEASE don't do what you are planning to do. Don't let that emotion rule your judgement here. Yes, wish her a safe trip (that's what I did, no way I was going to say "have a great time")and make the weekend a great one with your kids. That said, if you really feel you are finished then do what you have to do BUT be sure. Cool off, take time to think and do what you have to do at another time. As always, just my opinion. I hope others will jump in here cuz you're hurting guy. My heart goes out to you big time!!
Think long and hard about your course of actions. The more you corner her and more you are seen as the adversary I think the more she is going to pull away and give herself to the OM...need to give her some outs to return on her own terms.
But...I am not in your shoes (well close but that is another sad story)...I do understand your anguish and desire to start fighting back. Just think about it hard because I think your detailed course of action will cause things to escalate.
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
The biggest reason I am not moving on is my kids. I see their pain every time I drop them off at the house. My wife has no money no food and barely enough money for gas to take them anywhere. Most of her spending money goes to her nights out. That really makes me sad. My oldest is in fifth grade and as soon as we get there he goes to his room, shuts the door and turns on the tv. My youngest fights to come with me every time. What does that do to her? I think it makes her resentful not remorseful and thats a shame. Her boys love her more than she knows and don't understand whats going on. Seperation doesn't have a trickle down effect on the kids. They aren't happy because their moms happy or sad because their dad is sad. The emotion they feel is hurt confusion anger self blame and so on. So I will keep at this as long as it takes for her eyes to open again. My children deserve that as much as they deserve anything. And thanks again for the caring and support. Without help we all would be lost. God Bless