Boo, I tried to email you but it said you were not a member. I will try to answer any question that you have. My email address is luv2teach8@aol.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
It is so wonderful to hear that many of the people who were posting when I first came to this site (a year ago almost to the day!) have reconciled with their spouses. I too have my H back at home with me. I ignored all teh signs that there was another woman I knew in my heart but my head would not allow me to let it be real. I found out on a Saturday night one week after our 18th anniversary and valentines day this year. I called her husband and we confronted the two of them and the next day my H was home crying and asking how we were going to go on from this. I didn't have an answer just told him we would have to take it one day at a time. I showed him unconditional love and I have never thrown what he did in his face since then. I did learn too many things about what they did and where they went though and am still having problems getting those pictures out of my head. Don't ask for information and don't let them give you any specifics it only makes your pain that much greater. I have forgiven him and so has my 7 yr old daughter my son has yet to forgive him and I don't know if he ever will. (they have other issues though) I wish I could get the memories of this woman out of my head she means nothing to me but she talked him into leaving me when he was most vulnerable and she never planned on leaving her husband. My H would lie to her and tell her that we were not being intimate and he had no feelings for me but he would tell another friend of his how much he wished It was me he was with and not her. If I had not called her husband and we had not confronted them he would never had come home when he did. He truly believed that she was going to leave her H and they were going to be together. Then he saw me and her husband standing on the side walk together and the truth came out. she was lying to him the whole time. I know it takes two but this mlc thing makes a person so vulnerable. I blame her for him leaving but, I still have a hard time with the fact that he left me for her and how he says that he loved her it is so painful. He says he loves me he records songs off the radio and buys CDs that say how stupid he was etc. My problem is when we are alone together talking or making love it all comes back to me and I can't get the pictures of that day out of my head. He kissed her in front of me and told me and her H that he loved her. He also told me about a few things and so did his friends. any body know how to get rid of these memories???? I feel like I am going to ramble if I don't stop now. Is any one else having this problem?? any books to read tapes to listen to ?????
Karen, I remember you well. I am so glad to hear of your good news. It IS hard work, isn't it? But I do think in the long run it is worth it. Although, even though my h has been more than a year, we still have our challenges. But, most days are good. I still have some trust issues that I am dealing with. Traveling with my job does help that a lot, because there sure isn't much I can do about anything, from such a distance, no control over anything----so that I must just let go and let God.
Cookie, I remember you, too. And I know what you mean by the images. Time really does help the images and memories to fade. Keep telling yourself how strong you are---so strong that you were able to rise above all that happened and that strength will keep you going.
Doing things for yourself helps a lot too. When I wasn't able to find suitable employment, I felt most vulnerable to history repeating itself. Now, that I have a good job and have met many new and interesting people, I no longer feel the "what-if-he-goes-off-the-deep-end-again?" scenario. If he does, I will simply go on without him. I know I can, and I know I will. And he knows it, too. Then, there's the matter of the kids who wouldn't be able to forgive him a second time. He would definitely lose them, and he knows it.
And losing me from his life will impact him a great deal more than losing him from my life would impact me. I don't mean to sound cocky, but the reality is I have the support system and the means to survive losing him. I found that out the last time. He does not have either, and he would lose the love and respect of his kids, too.
Try to keep in mind that the man who had the affair was not your husband. He was an alien who took up residence in your h's body. And try to separate those images from the man your h really is. Respond to the good things he does will lots of positive reinforcement and gratitude. And when those images pop up, try to tell yourself "That man was not my h."
I wish you the best.
Jenny, and all, Glad to hear things are going well. Hang in there. Drop me a line sometime, and I will write back.
GG and Cookie, It is so good hearing from you. How strange...I haven't checked in in a long time and just happened to stop by today and you had both left messages. Life is good, but I too have moments of pain and hurt that I deal with internally. I may cry for a while and then start all over again. It's funny now, that even though I love my H and I know he loves me, I seem to have some kind of even fleeting thought of his affair daily. I, unlike you Cookie, never asked for any details. It was very difficult for me to deal with his emotional ties to the OW, the sexual ones would have sent me over the edge. I still don't know a name or face, and won't ever know. It is strange how something like an affair changes a person and a marriage, but I think my H and I now are clearer than ever about how we feel about each other and our union. I'd like to tell you a cute story, if you have time. We went on a family vacation in August. The boys, my H and I were out for dinner on our anniversary. I am somewhat of a slob when it comes to eating..the proverbial you can dress her up but can't take her out kind of woman. Well, when we were laughing and having a great time, I got sauce from my lasagna all over my face...you know up the nose etc. I said," I'll bet looking at me now you can't remember why you ever married me." He said,"I know exactly why I married you and why I would marry you all over again today." So now I have sauce up my nose and tears running down my face. It seems like we have come so far since a year ago. We have resolved so much and our future looks bright. But memories are there forever. Maybe that is God's way of remindig us what is important. I often wonder what memories he has, but don't ask. I guess if he wanted me to know, he'd tell me. But then I don't think he ever wants to hurt me like he did before. So, good luck to you both. It is so nice that so many people still care and that so many of us are on the road to recovery. Love to all, Karen
I never asked for any details he just told me them and so did his friends. Some things I asked about I wanted to know how long etc. but, I didn't ask about the sexual things his friends told me about them. She would see me every day at least twice picking up our kids and dropping them off from school we would also see each other on the interstate each of us heading the other way going to see him or going home. You would think she would have figured out that we were still talking and thinking about trying again. she would take her kids to spend time with him too wanted him to get attached to them as well. The woman is sick and I feel for her children and her H. I am sure from what others have told me that she had more than my H on the side uses them for their money if they have any and a good time. I guess I will never forget what happened I just hope that I have really forgiven him. He still has a lot of growing to do. still says he can always move out again when he's having a tough time with me still being injured from work and some days it's all I can do just to get out of bed. Third shift life for me has to come to an end soon cause it is causing problems again. After my surgery in a couple of weeks it will help to be home for 6 months while I recuperate. He will take care of me but likes to be on the go so don't know how long before he will tire of me being off my feet. I guess we all have our days where life isn't all roses. We have only had a couple of fights and up until recently Its been pretty good around here he has been wonderful even romantic LOL never was before. I am feeling a bit stressed from my upcoming surgery have to have three vertebrae in my neck fused and a plate put in to stabelize it. I hate pain and although I live with it every day I 've gotten used to this ache but the pain for the first few days after surgery really sucks LOL. Plus I have to look at the fact that I may come out worse than I am right now for a while any way. still taking it one day at a time!!!!!!! My being stressed is rubbing off I guess. As for every one else I am so glad I came back to check on every one to see whats happening. There have been so many good days in the last 7 months and me back to work I rarely find time on the computer any more. Kinda glad I couldn't sleep the other night and I got to catch up alittle. Sorry to hear some of the stuff though. Lots of sad things have happened along with the good. glad that the good has out weighed the bad on the whole though . Wish you all well in case I don't get back on for a while work and kids and upcoming fun not looking forward to it at all..... hopefully all will go wonderful and will be back in a couple weeks to see how every one is doing
Karen - Just a quick thank you for your post. My H and I are trying to recover from a long term affair I had several years ago and ended 2 years ago. It IS hard and my H has been wonderful throughout it. Thanks for the encouragement. It means more than you can know.
Lots of sad things have happened along with the good. glad that the good has out weighed the bad on the whole though 
. Wish you all well in case I don't get back on for a while work and kids and upcoming fun 