Wanted to share my wonderful news with my DB family…my husband and I are expecting our second child in September! If it a girl, I’m seriously considering “Faith” for her middle name. I told my husband that I like “Faith” because I kept it through all of the madness we experienced over the past year and a half. I had faith that my life would be better down the road, whether I stayed married to him or not. I had faith in myself! For those of you unfamiliar with my story, here is a condensed version.
In August 1998, my husband and I had been together for seventeen years, married nine, had a two year nine month old son and a relatively problem free marriage. Sure we had the usual stresses. You know, with each working full-time, often opposite shifts, spending our individual and collective "free time" with our extremely active son, not knowing how to communicate, financial considerations, etc. Nevertheless, our marriage was impenetrable, right! I was so wrong. I had built up resentment for the entire nine years of our marriage and had become the queen of nag! I was GOOD!
On August 19th, 1998, we had an argument that lead to my husband leaving home (surprisingly my suggestion that he leave). My gut was telling me that something was not right with him. Well, I was right. He was involved with a girl from work; their EA started around June. Of course, I did all of the usual don’ts…crying, pleading, begging, pursuing, etc. I was unaware that Divorce Busting existed and thank my lucky stars I found Michele in the nick of time. I read DB over and over again, had a phone consultation with Michele, joined this website and regained my positive attitude. I put the 180 and act as if into overdrive. I backslide a few times but mostly held my own. I got stronger and stronger every day all the while my husband maintained that he was not in love with me, hated me, never wanted to see me again, blah, blah, blah. So, after three months, I decided I had given him enough of my time and chances to hurt me so I filed for divorce in the December timeframe—this was my Last Resort. He was served in January and our first court date was set for early February 1999. During this time, we were seeing (still are seeing) a marriage counselor (under the guise to part as friends which would be best for our son) so I was fortunate to have a dialogue going with him on some level.
Although a part of me wanted to stay married to him and I loved him, I knew that I could no longer live the same way with the same man. I needed change. I had to change. I started to live life for me and my son. As far as I was concerned, my husband had to live with the natural consequences of his actions. It was during this time that I noticed a difference in his attitude toward me (like Michele says, don't overlook the small stuff). He was not in such a hurry to leave my house after visiting with our son, when he called he started asking how I was doing, he noticed my changes (I lost weight, changed my hair style, got contacts and started wearing different styles of clothes (different for me.))
His attitude continued to change, as did mine. The stronger and more independent I got, the more attractive I became to him. WE decided to postpone the court date and work on the marriage in early February 1999. He moved back in April 1999 and things have been good, often great, ever since!
I still have to work hard at staying solution oriented and not losing sight of the “cheese.” I have had my moments where I thought I made a huge mistake! But somehow WE continue to overcome these obstacles. I’ve changed, he’s changed, and our marriage has changed! We’ve been through a lot together and still continue to grow and learn.
Thank you Michele for all of your wonderful work, commitment to your beliefs and having the foresight that people like me can benefit from both. I do not want to relive any of those days but I have to say I’m not terribly sad it happened. My life is so much more rewarding now and I’m a much happier person for those experiences. I kept the faith! I believe I have the power to change and be happy!
Looks like Michele will ahve to start a new forum entitled "Marie's Story"!!! Congrats to you , Marie. I've bumped into you peridoically over the past year, and I've always appreciated your perspective. God bless you and keep your growing family safe and together.
Marie congratulations on your pregnancy. How wonderful. There is nothing else like a warm sweet bundle of new baby to hold and cuddle.
Reminds me of 3 months ago when my H and I watched our daughter deliver our first grandchild. This was a major turning point for my H he says but I think he used it as an excuse instead of having to admit that he was staying home because he had made a major mistake with OW and really wanted to stay home.
I have been a regular shopper in the infants department of most every store in town. LOL There are sure beautiful baby things out there just waiting for you. When is your due date Marie? Please keep us posted during your pregnancy and let us share your joy. God Bless you and your little one.
[This message has been edited by Johnswife (edited 02-05-2000).]
Marie, Congratulations! That's great! I too love babies. My daughter had our first grandchild (a grandson) in July. Congratulations on making your marriage a success also!
Marie, CONGRATULATIONS! I am so happy for you- both about your marriage and your new addition. What great news! You must really be ecstatic.
I remember our conversation over the phone and it's amazing how far you've come since then. You have been quite an inspiration to everyone who reads your posts. You are a great example of what's possible if you put your nose to the DB grindstone and are lucky enough to have a spouse that doesn't completely shut the marital door. I'm thrilled for you.
Yes, marriage requires constant focus on solutions which isn't always easy. But when you get it right, the results are worth the hard work.
Enjoy your pregnancy, your son, your husband and your wonderful self. Michele
P.S. I'm going to cut and paste this in the letters section and in the success stories.
