Me, 24 Xh, 24 D final 6 months ago (August 23rd 2005)
I have a BF, same guy I dated back in high school. XH has a girlfriend. XH and I are trying to be friends. BF and I are staying at the condo that XH and I shared and that is currently for sale. I have a woman who *might* be interested. She is deciding between my condo and 2 others. Last word I heard she asked how much taxes where.
I am broke. Beyond broke, and I have to make some fast money and some long term money.
BF is on a very very thin line. He has until the 31st to get a job and contribute to expenses. He last, really worked, in September. His boss screwed him and the rest of the crew over. So the crew decided to start their own business. They are supposed to have work February 1st.
Yeah, that's it in a very small nutshell. To complicate my life, my mom and my stepdad got divorced in June after being together since 1989. She is now with a guy she met off the internet, she is engaged, and she cannot stop lying. My stepdad on the other hand (who's house is storing all my furniture and belongings) cannot seem to get over her.
What a fun life I lead. I really should write some memoirs. Could be some good laughs and good drama. And a good way for much of the family to never speak to me again.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
We talked about where you are at financially. Now I'd like a better understanding of where you're at emotionally. With your permission, why the BF and what's that got to do with DBing or XH?
Why are you here and what do you want to accomplish?
I hear where you are at. Now where do you want to be?
WHITE!!! I'll hop over and say hello on your post. Thank you
Michael - sure.
Why the BF? Not sure, it just sort of happened. I wasn't expecting it, I wasn't ready for it. He has helped me in many ways, hindered me in many ways. He has given me love and support and encouragement and esteem and confidence.
It doesn't specifically have to do with DBing - but I can use a lot of what I have learned to help that sitch.
Dbing has to do with dealing with XH and trying to make this friendship with him work.
BF also has to do with XH mostly because of the friendship with XH.
I am here to try to become a better person. To work out my faults - the things I see in myself that I am trying to change. I first came here to try to save my marriage, then it turned to saving myself and understanding what happened.
What am I trying to accomplish? Hmmm....I want happiness/peace. With myself, with my sitch with Xh, with my sitch with BF, with my mother.
I use this board as a diary and as a form of therapy. Sometimes it really helps me to just be able to get my thoughts and feelings out and it helps to have feedback from others. Even if it is just prayers and love and support.
Where do I want to be? Good question. Physically? I want to be in a house, paying a mortgage (that's not too expensive). Mentally and emotionally - same as above. I want an easier life, a less complicated life.
Last night while working, I gave some more serious thought to writing a book about my life/my family. I'm not sure where I would start or what approach to give the story.
Today I am so tired. I barely woke up this morning. And I woke up feeling crappy. I could close my eyes and sleep all day, if I had that chance.
Last night I talked a bit with BF about the financial situation. He is going to try to figure something out. Yesterday he found out that his business is supposed to have work, for sure, starting February 1st. They will build a wharehouse. After that they have some project (not sure what), that an Amish crew was fired from. I guess it has something to do with metal work that needed to be done and because of Amish rules, they couldn't work with the electrical stuff. (?!?!?!) BF is still actively looking for a night job. Hasn't heard anything back though. I can fully understand this - since I send out my resume 15 times a day and rarely hear anything back. The more people I talk to, this seems to be the case here in Cleveland. The job market is so overpopulated - that employers up the anty. They started off wanting a Bachelor's degree, then they wanted Bachelors degree and 5 years experience, then they wanted a Masters degree, then they wanted Masters degree and 5 years experience, then they wanted Masters degree, 5 years experience and a license (like for a social worker)
On a pretty bright note - BF said he would put gas in my car. I was pretty confused since he has no money and no credit cards. He said his friend that he has been working with gave him a little bit of money. His friend couldn't give him much, since his friend is in the same situation that BF is in (work wise).
I've been saying prayers all night and day hoping I get approved for this consolidation loan through my bank.
Realtor called and left me a message last night that he hasn't heard anything back from the potential buyer - but that it seems her dad has the big role in this decision and maybe he seen something? But the realtor said he will keep calling her realtor to see what's going on and he hopes to hear something by this weekend. I'm saying some prayers for this too.
Interesting horoscope I have today, "The truth is a sharp sword. You have to be careful how you use it, for it can often appear to do as much harm as good. You must also be conscious in the way that you sheathe it. If, in trying to protect others from its naked power, you keep it too close to your chest, you may put yourself at risk. You now know something that someone else needs to know. Be delicate in the way you share this information but find some way to communicate it. In the process of doing so, you will make a discovery of your own." Hmmmmmmmmm
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Quote: BF is still actively looking for a night job. Hasn't heard anything back though. I can fully understand this - since I send out my resume 15 times a day and rarely hear anything back. The more people I talk to, this seems to be the case here in Cleveland. The job market is so overpopulated - that employers up the anty. They started off wanting a Bachelor's degree, then they wanted Bachelors degree and 5 years experience, then they wanted a Masters degree, then they wanted Masters degree and 5 years experience, then they wanted Masters degree, 5 years experience and a license (like for a social worker)
What about relocating to a better market. If both you & BF are having difficulty finding employment that pays a livable wage maybe relocation would help. You can research on-line where you may be thinking about and see what the market is like there. Some of the job sites (careerbuilder.com is one) even have calculators to help determine if you can "afford" to move there - meaning they compare average salaries & cost of living.
Thanks Soccerdad. We talked about this a little when we started dating. Last night at Borders a lady was telling me about Phoenix (Ironically where XH and I were possibly going to move and where BF wanted to move for work). Phoenix is apparently a VERY growing area and has tons of jobs in all areas.
It scares the crap out of me, thinking about moving to a place that I don't know, that I don't know where anything is or how to get around & I don't know anyone. But it might be necessary for work and growing.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Seeing my mom on Christmas was upsetting - it was quick and uncomfortable. She didn't even show off her engagement ring. After gift opening she almost shooed us out. She isn't happy, can't stop lying. Very sad.
BF, myself and his parents & brother went to West Virginia the day after Christmas. Fun (sarcasm). We went to stores, but I had no money to spend. We argued abit.
XH sent me a text message about how Christmas was wierder for him that Thanksgiving.
Then I found out XH's aunt's sister's (his uncle's wife's sister) Boyfriend was killed in an attempted car jacking on Christmas Eve. Since they were never married, and he had no relatives that she knew of - they wouldn't release the body to her and she had 48 hours to find some relative of his. So as soon as we got back from WV, I started searching using all the tools I have from work, etc. She found a cousin of his with about 5 mintues to spare.
A week later was the funeral. Before the funeral, XH calls me to ask if it is ok that he brings his GF. I tell him it is his family, his life. At the funeral the family all tells me how much the miss me and how much they missed me at Christmas. XH's 1 cousin has downsyndrome. When she was telling me about missing me singing Christmas carols I started crying and left.
BF is "working" with his friend, but not really getting paid. He is looking for a part time job right now, the business he and his friends are starting is supposed to have work starting February 1st building a wharehouse. Then they have work lined up after that.
Finances were hairy and are again currently. I tried to sell my engagement & wedding ring. I got offered $40 and $125. I'm going to wait to find a better deal. XH gave me money and I'm not allowed to pay it back.
BF went to court for his child support. Found out that calculations are all wrong and they had to request a certified calculation. Turns out that if BF hadn't of gotten behind, they may have never noticed this!?!??! Lawyer told BF to try to get some money together (like 1/2 of the support he owes for the past year) and call the mother and offer a settlement.
Had more drama concerning my student loan consolidation with a missing credit. All worked out now, had to get a copy of the check from the orginal loan company and send it to the new loan company & they found it and applied the credit and post dated it to give me a little interest back.
Even more drama when I tried to find out the status of my VA claim and they sent mail to my parent's old house and I found out that the current residents (people I know, my parents know, etc) have been throwing out any mail they got in my or my parent's names. So I filed a complaint with the post office. And I straightened things out with the VA. My case is currently being reviewed by a case manager.
Oh, and I gave BF a deadline of Jan 31st to get a job and be contributing to expenses. It MIGHT get extended to February 1st since I know that they have guaranteed work. But I'm still considering it, and there would be conditions set.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Quote: Last night while working, I gave some more serious thought to writing a book about my life/my family. I'm not sure where I would start or what approach to give the story.
This is a fabulous idea! What about in poetry form?
XH is wondering if he's made a huge mistake. I think if you got rid of BF more confessions would soon follow.
BF still not working? Why not get him some applications form Home Depot etc. At least it's similar to his line of work.
I'm sorry to hear about the death. I'm sorry your mother is so sad and obiviously very confused.
I'm sorry about your job sitch. I wish I could hire you!
Well we made it to the New Year. Things can only go up from here.
Oh yeah, and ofcourse everyone from XH family misses you so much - you're awesome! Did you end up meeting the gf? I'm glad he asked if it was ok with you.
I'm looking for a job myself, so when I say my prayers I'll do it for the both of us.
And a good way for much of the family to never speak to me again. 
