Another inspiring story!
Michele
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Michele. I’m writing to tell you what I’ve learned from "The Divorce Remedy." Over the past several days, I've been keeping on track with the changes I knew I had to make in me, and Judy's response has been beyond ANYTHING I would have ever expected.
Judy's been spending many hours at home over the past week preparing for a new job (one which will be a MILLION time less demanding on her home time, and this can only serve as a positive thing for us) and she's been our sole support for the past three years, so I've never blamed her work for anything. Saturday night, she approached me and said, "I've still got a lot of work to do, but I'm going to leave it for another time. How about going and renting us a movie to watch?"
I was floored. Needless to say, she didn't need to ask me twice. And because you taught me that actions done out of love and appreciation create more of the same, I rented "Mona Lisa Smile," which she'd suggested several times in the past but I had always dismissed as just another chick flick she'd be better off watching with her sister. (BTW, I enjoyed the heck out of it. Goes to show how smart I am ... not.) I noticed a bit of surprise on her face when she saw what I rented, and we she spent the entire movie sitting snuggled against me -- just like we used to sit ages ago. We went to bed after the movie and spent a long time just kissing and caressing in a non-sexual manner, which is something we haven't done in a very, very long time -- due in part because, up until 5 days ago (a HUGE!!! change for me that I've been able to keep on track) I was a smoker for some 30 years and she couldn't stand the ashtray smell or taste of me that even a shower and a dose of Listerine never quite erase completely.
Yesterday, we spent 3 hours browsing/shopping for bushes and landscaping for the house (which would have been needed with or without a divorce), and some clothing odds and ends at the department store -- and during the course of that, she stated talking in terms of "we." Since reading DR, I had intentionally refrained from "we" talk on any subject that came up, instead speaking matter of factly in disengaging-process terms like "your house/the house" and "your" this and that when it came to stuff that we have a shared interest in. I also intentionally began addressing her by her name rather than the pet ones -- like "dear" or "luv" -- that she had grown accustomed to hearing so long ago. (And I must tell you, it is VERY strange and unsettling to begin doing that; you just never get used to saying it, but I imagine it's even more unsettling for the other person to start hearing it all the time. Wow, I truly do *love* psychology.) Anyway, the afternoon ended with us stopping off for a quick sit-down lunch on the way home, which is yet *another* thing I sincerely can't remember us doing in, like, forever. In the end, we found again that we LIKED spending time with each other, even while doing mundane "just stuff" stuff.
Judy knows that I have insecurities over whether she'll ultimately decide to stay with me (which surprised her; "You've never been insecure about a thing in your life," she said the other day, to which I replied, "Maybe, but my life's never come to this before."), but I also took your advice and made it clear that the changes I continue to keep on track every day are indeed genuine and profound, and those changes will continue regardless of which choice she makes.
BTW, all the things I've learned have begun to develop in me an entirely new set of problem-solving and relational skills -- not only in how I approach the healing process for my marriage, but most noticeably in how I've begun to deal with my children and helping them solve their little daily challenges. Thanks to what I learned from you, I have started to become a wiser, gentler, and more *thinking* individual.
I have begun to change in so MANY wonderful ways and have begun to find an inner peace that, without your work, would otherwise never have been within my grasp so quickly, so easily, and so meaningfully. You have given me a gift so vast and good that few will be fortunate enough to find in their lifetime.
Thank you for helping me find the me that was truly meant to be.
