Hi Good folks, I’ve been thinking of an update for quite sometime now, so here goes.
Ex wife Liz left on 26th Jan 2004 & moved in with OM Nic & his son. I knew he was a heavy drinker & full of B.S. I think he promised her the world, things were already on the slide before Ex moved in. He was to lose almost everything in lest than 2 Yrs.
Just before Ex W moved in I knew he was a borderline diabetic & over the next 4 yrs it became full blown. In March 2008 he was hospitalised for a week & it was touch & go for 2 to 3 days (after this I think he became teetotal). I think a major factor was the drinking he did which didn’t go down too well with his medication. From time to time, to me, his skin would appear a bit yellow.
Now fast forward to late Oct 2018, Nic went down with sepsis & was in hospital twice, he must have been sent home to early the first time. A few weeks later he felt sometime building up in his stomach & my youngest D Dawn said he started to cough up blood & other stuff. He went to hospital for investigations & he was send home after about 4 days.
Then on Sunday 11th Nov 2018 Dawn, Liz & Liz’s sister planned to meet up at their old village church. Just before Dawn got there Liz said she wouldn’t becoming cos Nic was ill. While at the church Liz’s sister said Nic should have never done all that drinking & what he really needs is a liver transplant.
Nic was in hospital for 8 or 9 days, I think they pumped out about 9 litres of stuff in this time period.
Fast forward to late Jan 2019 Nic & Liz went to see a specialist at hospital 2 counties away. On Sat 26th Jan, Dawn when to visit her Mum, Liz came outside with tears in her eyes & said that Nic had cancer of the Liver & he wasn’t up to a operation/liver transplant & they said his life expectancy was 6 to 12 months. Over recent months he often went back to hospital for treatment, so Dawn didn’t think too much about his latest visit there on Sat 3rd Aug & by Tues afternoon he lost consciousness.
So on Weds evening Dawn went to visit him & she laid a hand on him & prayed for him.
Fri 9th at just gone 4:30 Pm, a priest was making his rounds & went to Nic’s bedside & Nic pasted away soon after, while the priest & Liz were still present.
Liz seem’s to be holding up well, she went back to work this Tues. But she got upset the day before, when all Nic’s hospital gear was taken out of their house.
Even though you aren't w/Liz any longer, I am so sorry to hear of Nic's passing. Maybe now....Liz can focus on herself and heal.
Thanks for the update and I hope that you are doing well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well your ex signed up for that ride. Sorry he died, alcoholism and cancer are horrible diseases. But it must make you feel a bit like "Really? You traded me for that mess?"
Whatever. Not your circus not your monkeys. I hope your life is going well. I'm at chemo right now with my boyfriend of 15 months who was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer a year ago. (Nonsmoker). Stuff like that makes you live in the present and value each day.
Delboy thx for the update. What a horrible way for ol Nic to go, but it was inevitable given his lifestyle choices. I hope your ex finds some peace and healing for herself and echo others - hope you are well. xoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Hi Good folks, When I have the time & energy, I'll get back to you all. I had a terrible 2023 and also running in to this year. It's pretty much unbelievable.
I hope that you will return and post an update when you have the time and energy. We always like to hear from our posters, especially, the long time posters. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hey Delboy. Not sure if you remember me, but I've been here a while myself. I don't post here much anymore, but do come here to read from time to time. Would love to hear an update.
Take care.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Hi Folks, Just for starters my mother was very ill from late 2022 till Tues 24th Jan, when she started to improve greatly. I stayed with her bar 3 days starting on Christmas eve. The doc's couldn't find what was wrong with her. Her carer's were not allowed to lift her up, they were only coming in the mornings anyway. So I helped nurse her better. I knew that she was getting better, when she could start to eat some things. She had some of my portion of fish, chips (french fries) & peas.
By the 20th of Jan 2023 I found out my mentor & friend Tom died on the 9th Jan. To the folks who were close to him knew him as the weeping lost sheep evangilist. So his funeral took place on Friday 27th Jan. The day I told the carers I was moving out & they would also now put Mum to bed as well as the morning. On the Friday 27th she also started back at day care (4 days a week).
Well I was the only one in the family apart from my youngest daughter Dawn to have contact with my middle daughter Louise (not their real names). I sent her an email & she replied with the following, titled: I’m going NO contact with you from now on
I can no longer pretend that I’m happy to continue playing my role in our family dynamic. The fog has been lifting for me since my life changed for the better in 2020. I know this will be hard for you to comprehend. There can never be any resolve over the past because I know that you have no desire to make the unconscious, conscious. This is why I can’t be my true self in my interactions with you. For the most part, I’ve been playing the nice ‘good girl’ role since childhood, in order to keep the peace & to keep me safe from harm/conflict. Whilst I’ve given you an indication of why I need to go no contact, I don’t want to go into any more detail because my lived experience as a member of our family is a world away from what you imagine it to be/have been. I know this to be true, as you re-wrote the actual reality of the time when Mum was a member of our family dynamic too. After Mum left, keeping quiet on what I knew to be true about that situation was always a necessary coping mechanism, to ‘keep the peace.’
I want to finish by saying that since early 2021 I’ve been following the guidance of a true spiritual teacher. This is how I’ve managed to find the strength to go no contact with you. I know I found this teacher for a profound reason. Just like I know generational trauma has fallen hard on me for a reason. I am a conscious being & I’m choosing to follow the path of soul ascension. In time, I am going to heal all my wounds. As long as I have a life to live, I’m seeking liberation in every way possible, therefore going no contact with you is a necessary part of the healing journey I’m on.
Going forward please respect my wishes for absolutely no contact in any form. I don’t want to receive any texts, emails, cards, letters, phone calls or voicemails from you. This is the way it has to be from now on. ---------------------------------------------------------
