Just about done

[Catman19]

So an update. I spoke to her the other day at a coffee shop after mediation. I was in purely read between the lines mode, I saw her looking at a family with children and saw that she still is going through the problem of inability to have children. She mentioned to me she still harbors resentment towards me but doesn't know why. She said she's no longer with OM, I didn't ask directly, just said I don't want to be in an open marriage. I checked her Instagram and it turns out she's been blocked by him now. It feels like her resentment is from inability to blame anyone but herself for why her life is going the way it is going. Now she wants to buy time to see if she can buy me out, I know it's highly unlikely as for the amount she needs even with both our incomes we'd have a hard time getting approved. I see this as her buying time, I'm willing to give it to her as if house listing is delayed till April we should get more on the market anyways. It's annoying because the two friends she talked most about everything they both messed up their marriages and harbor endless resentment towards their exes and it feels like she's following in the blame everyone else strategy.
I'm beginning to become indifferent and seeing this continued behaviour is giving me a clear indication that she has not learned yet from any of her choices. I find it very likely she's probably looking for the next target of "passion" to fill in the void inside of her. The only positive sign I took from her was her saying she agrees with me that happiness is something one finds within oneself, but otherwise she seems very bitter and resentful towards me, a lot of that likely because the OM didn't go as she expected but as I predicted.

I'm starting to get to the point where I am feeling a lot better about myself and my future and I honestly don't think I can even consider any olive branch towards her if I don't see radical change, otherwise her same feelings towards me will surface again into impulsive behaviour

[Ready2Change]

I heard this the other day, and thought some on the board could benifit:

PsycHacks- Your PRIME objective should be to become attractive. To become a man that women are attracted to. That's how you get your foot in the door, and the good news is, it's really good news, that most of the things that actually relate to female attraction, are things that you can learn and develop. These are things like, being physically fit knowing how to dress, learning the art of charming conversation, choosing a life mission, attaining success and picking up some game. These are things that women respond to. These are also all skills that you can learn and they all benefit you directly with the indirect benefit of making you more attractive to women. So whats the hold up?

I have my list of things. Each of us needs to have our unique list and continually work on it.

This is good:

just said I don't want to be in an open marriage

I see this as her buying time, I'm willing to give it to her

I think giving her time is not. Pulling away is attractive.

This is good:

I'm beginning to become indifferent

she seems very bitter and resentful towards me

Pulling away and giving her time and space will reduce the resentment.

I'm starting to get to the point where I am feeling a lot better about myself and my future and I honestly don't think I can even consider any olive branch towards her if I don't see radical change

YUP. Focus on you...until she is begging you to take her back...that is usually a long ways out in the future.

[Catman19]

So I allowed her 2 more weeks to obtain a buyout offer. At first I didn't want to but financially it might actually be to my benefit. The market is typically better in April vs March and if she does manage to come up with a buyout we can avoid paying real estate salesperson fees which is likely to be $50k + or more. If the offer isn't good enough I just won't accept it, I still have no clue how she's going to get the money but I kind of don't care now.

Mediation is moving forward so that's a bonus and at least I get 2 more weeks of going hard on focus to gym and exercise routine I've been building up. Just bought myself some creatine and whey protein to go along with amino acid rich workout drink. I've cut down calories and control my intake now, protein and creatine is to build muscle strength, metabolism and probiotic health to go along with exercise. I'm finding it easier to reduce calorie intake along with removing any unhealthy or high carb foods. That includes anything fried, overly prepared meals, fatty goofs and focus on protein rich foods like fish and chicken and lots of greens/vegetables and fruits.

It's amazing how drastic dietary changes coupled with steady exercise can do for your mindset and overall feeling better.

I didn't really want to give her the 2 weeks but I've played out all the scenarios in my head and in the end I see a bigger benefit for myself and maybe more money in my pocket after we dispose of marital home. I only don't like the fact that it seems she's playing some sort of game with this but I have my lawyer ready for anything and mediation will be further along in 2 weeks so at least I can be sure it's done before final outcome of home decision
Maybe I'll get a couple of rounds of golf in during these 2 weeks as weather is allowing courses to open now here

[Catman19]

Yeah so just found out through her login info she's already sleeping the next guy. Yeah time for scorched earth, I want to distance myself from this absolute train wreck now

[JosephS]

I’m just going to say this real quick.

You are all over the place emotionally attempting to convince yourself you’re fine.

Do you have an councilors or therapist you can speak too?

[Catman19]

I'm doing much better, these things are just giving me clarity and giving me a reason to extract myself from this situation as quickly as possible. I've let her drag this on longer than I'm comfortable with and now I realize and see I need to exit this situation before it taints me in any way. Think of it as a final kick in the butt. The fact I'm seeing her go deeper into the abyss makes it easier for me, no signs of self improvement or awareness on her part tells me the longer I'm anywhere near the situation the longer it will be for healing and self improvement. You can only do so much and keep a door open long enough, time to shut the door for good and follow through with the logistics of my self focused plan.

[Boat14]

The fact I'm seeing her go deeper into the abyss makes it easier for me, no signs of self improvement or awareness on her part tells me the longer I'm anywhere near the situation the longer it will be for healing and self improvement.

You don't see self improvement or awareness on her part because she thinks you are the problem.

You can only do so much and keep a door open long enough, time to shut the door for good and follow through with the logistics of my self focused plan.

2-5 years minimum to see a turnaround. It will be the hardest thing you ever do in your life and require immense patience. It may be good to get out now if you don't have it in you.

[Catman19]

I love the woman but I've worked on myself and allowed her space, DB intent is to let them work on their things by creating distance and indifference, but I see her doubling down on her behaviour, and I think for my health it's best to let her do this with no attachment in terms of legality of marriage and home. Otherwise I have to keep dealing with her on these fronts until it's complete. I think there comes a time when you have to leave for your own good as much as you want to see improvement, if there is no progress it's best to move on. I'm not in the mood to wait 2-5 years, I'm a patient person by nature but one has limits and I believe they have been exceeded. My plan of leaving the country now and starting fresh is the best option for me, both financially and mentally. One can only hold on for so long.

[Boat14]

I love the woman but I've worked on myself and allowed her space, DB intent is to let them work on their things by creating distance and indifference, but I see her doubling down on her behaviour, and I think for my health it's best to let her do this with no attachment in terms of legality of marriage and home. Otherwise I have to keep dealing with her on these fronts until it's complete. I think there comes a time when you have to leave for your own good as much as you want to see improvement, if there is no progress it's best to move on. I'm not in the mood to wait 2-5 years, I'm a patient person by nature but one has limits and I believe they have been exceeded. My plan of leaving the country now and starting fresh is the best option for me, both financially and mentally. One can only hold on for so long.

Well you have been on this site for a month and are ready to give up so I guess the marriage didn't mean that much to you either so I suppose you can split amicably an both move on in life.

[Catman19]

Ive been on the site for a month but this has been going on since 2021 and there was a lot of emotional and physical abuse during that period and I tolerated a lot more than any person should have. Being patient has not yielded any results, if anything it's given her the mentality of feeling enabled and having resentment towards me as in I'm in the picture still. At this point I believe for her to figure things out the consequences have to be meted and for my sake as well. The status quo hasn't helped so I think there comes a time for decisiveness