Mail from H work, (the 1st half of) Sept pay stub. Nothing weird. No vacation noted. So the month of August is still a mystery, with only 48 hrs worked. Interesting. I still think went on vacation, for his birthday, which was last month. I'm not asking any questions, I'm observing. Happy I know where he is. His season usually ends October/November. Mine has just begun.
Started my new job today; child care at a gym. Blessed that I can bring D3 with me, I get a membership too. We had fun. And it's a 5 min drive from our house! Not great pay, but the rest is amazing.
In touch with therapist. Waiting until my friend leaves, which is this Sunday. Possibility of something next week. Just need a sitter!
Thankful for all the little things, that have come into play. The things that bring me happiness, if only for a day. A bird, a dragonfly, butterflies, you flutter in the air. Your wings are moving, so am I. Together we can: No fear.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
I am so glad you got a new job and it sounds like you and your daughter will have a lot of fun there. Keep your focus on you and your daughter.
Stay calm and continue as you have been. I think you are doing great!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So thankful for positive change. This new job is providing me so much at such a critical time. I truly believe in positive thinking gets positive results. Imaging what you, being in that moment, seeing your future.
Focusing on happy thoughts of what I want for myself & D3.
We're going to be okay.
I've got a friend lined up to watch D3 when I arrange my first therapy session. My friend just went to couples therapy with her H. They have two kids, 1 & 4. She wants out; she doesn't 'get him'. I'm glad to hear they're in therapy and hope they work things out. They get along well, love each other, just different personalities.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Welcome to October. I love this time of year when things cool down. I feel a shift in things; more confident I guess. My friends visit was wonderful. She's definitely a soul sister. I didn't share my sitch with her, and I don’t regret it. Thought I was ready for IC, now I'm feeling like IC is silly right now
I had contacted someone for IC, and at this moment, I don’t see the point. Perhaps in the future. No idea where this sitch is going. I'm doing my own thing, as I normally do. H being away is normal due to his seasonal work schedule at sea. It's the off season sitch that's unknown. The end of season could be a few weeks or a month.
While my friend was here, she borrowed our 2nd vehicle. When I cleaned it out, I came across the letter I wrote H after BD. It was a good letter. Glad he didn't have it. He knows how I feel. I felt a lot of things, but mainly that I care enough to let go and let him be. I stand by my vows & believe in working through anything. Of course it initially shock me to the core, and I've said it, I've cried the ugliest tears of fear. But I never begged him for anything.
Moving along, last week was my 1st week of work. Love it. Blessed to have D3 with me. I treated myself to a few things to cheer me up. I deserve it.
Cheers to the days we put successfully behind us, and cheers to the days ahead that we'll conquer.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Finally went to the gym! Have to go after 4:30p to use the child care there. I really needed the physical outlet & time to myself. I've got a hair appt Friday and the following Friday a massage. I want to treat myself to something at least once a month. But when I need my hair color done, I get it done. That's one thing I always do for myself, no matter what. The only thing different is I'm not waiting for H to help me with D3. If I want something done, I figure it out. With or without him here.
We had a great weekend. Went to our local annual Fair for the first time. D3 had a blast. Nothing better than the smile and laughter of a child. Then we went to a small gathering for a kid bday. Friends of H. So hard to dodge questions about his return. I'm truthful; sometime before Christmas. That's what I've always said. People don't really care, they just ask & don't remember. We're all guilty of that. But it was a little uncomfortable being around a hunch of married couples. Especially when they'd be lovey-dovey. Miss that interaction.
That's all for now. Hope everyone else is well.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
A little background refresher. H works away at sea half the year. Typically the season ends Oct-Nov.
Kids are very smart. D3 has heard me talk about her daddy & his schedule. She gets that he's at work, and isn't bothered by it. We have a saying, when someome we love isn't with us, they are 'hearts & thoughts'. In our heats & thoughts. Lately D3 has been talking more about Daddy and asking when he'll be home. And making plans of what we'll do or what they will do. Asking me to read Daddys books, ones that have his voice and pictures. Wanting to hear the story of the day she was born, and putting photos up on her bed of us. There's been a lot of triggers lately, that have her asking about her dad. Breaks my heart that I don’t have an answer. And it's not unusual for H not to know his exact end date. I just go by the previous seasons. What do I tell her? What can I say to my 3yr old? At this point it's still kind of early for him to be done. Guess we both just carry on as if.
H is still actively working. And he's browsing online looking at making purchasers. Is it snooping if the information is available to me? Nothing is hidden.
Last edited by CanBird; 10/12/1906:58 AM.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Snooping is not great but knowing truth is important
hard to know what to tell a 3 year old because you dont have info yet trust yourself
eventually, if H does not show up to see or speak with D
I would be as honest as a 3 year old can understand
my kids were 5 and 11 at time of BD My xh was coming here but getting increasingly unavailable as the years progressed
I told my kids at first Dad is going through changes and finding himself when he moved out sometimes people go through struggles He loves them but he needs to find his path
as he got sicker..I told them he is in MLC sometimes people get mentally ill or in crises its not about them..He always loves them but he is not capable at present and I am here
when XH vanished totally we stayed with this truth of him being in MLC and if he recovers he will reconnect with them if he does not recover he wont we are powerless and it is his issues not about them I know very sad
now they are grown 18 and 24 they both turned out independent ,drug free, smart kids both go to counseling on and off when needed
they verbalized feelings of abandonment from XH and that is normal
but because divorce and loss of a parent is so prevalent in our society,,its just normal and the kids will have friends going thru the same...so its not so horrible
more important is D knowing you are here always and you are honest living in reality this helps them do the same
and you will know more as time goes on and as you find out if H will visit D or not how to explain a separation if he does not connect
maybe getting books her age level about seperation/D if it goes there asking a child therapist for guidence
I believe it is best to be honest on their level and allowing them to have their feelings around their dad leaving is better than protecting them and pretending
use your judgement and remember you will know more when his time at sea is over in the next few months
and even if the honesty is I dont really know if Daddy will be coming home this season but as soon as i know I will tell you- and I am here for you-
allowing them their pain and struggles is important
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
