Hi Steve, ugh, sorry your boat's in choppy water again.
Originally Posted by "Steve85"
"He does drop some pet names like sweetie, and uses some emojis. Her response is "Thanks for the well wishes, you have a good day too." Followed by some smilies..
Showing enthusiasm for someone calling her pet names doesn't seem innocent. It does seem you've caught before it's progressed very far--no nude photos or anything, just flirting and encouragement.
Hi Steve, ugh, sorry your boat's in choppy water again.
Originally Posted by "Steve85"
"He does drop some pet names like sweetie, and uses some emojis. Her response is "Thanks for the well wishes, you have a good day too." Followed by some smilies..
Showing enthusiasm for someone calling her pet names doesn't seem innocent. It does seem you've caught before it's progressed very far--no nude photos or anything, just flirting and encouragement.
CW, I'm not sure I would or could characterize it as her "encouraging" it. You could say she didn't discourage it, though that isn't the same thing. I can't emphasis enough that it was very one-sided. But that they are in contact at all is concerning enough.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Eh, she is a big emoji fan. That's not unusual. My dear is overreacting here. When I found her messages in Dec. 2017 that precipitated BD and my sitch, those were obvious. These are a guy who is infatuated trying to get something started. I would prefer her shooting it down hard, but obviously that didn't happen. Though I can't really say she did anything wrong either.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well I was afraid this would happen. That I would need to post a not so positive update. But I do. I need you all to weigh in and give me different perspectives.
Then another from him later in the afternoon, sending a selfie while he is out kayaking. (Apparently he is from Canada.) He ends closes the short message by saying "Good day sexy". Her response is "Thanks. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing."
Obviously, I am considering confronting about this. I know enough to not give away what I know or how I know. But at the same time she isn't dumb and will know that I figured all of this out somehow.I could take the approach of just saying I've noticed her on the online games a lot again lately and to make sure she is remaining appropriate, making sure guys like this Canadian know that she is married. Etc.
Really had hoped I never would be in this situation, but here we are. Thoughts? Advice? Should I confront?
Oh my gosh Steve, sorry to read this update. You've given me such great advice in my sitch and I hoped your W would not backtrack. I don't know much about these online games. Does the guy have access to a profile photo of your W? It's discouraging that she called him beautiful and seems to be playing along with his advances. I do think you should confront before it gets too serious and let her know the negative affects it could have on your MR. Your soft approach of stating that you've noticed she's been playing the games more often is a good first step. Perhaps she'll open up without you having to sound accusatory and her thinking that you've been spying on her online activity.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
I see! If she's regularly a big user of emojis, then I agree you are seeing things clearly--"I would prefer her shooting it down hard, but obviously that didn't happen. Though I can't really say she did anything wrong either." Last week, when my partner had lunch with a single male family friend, I decided my best response wasn't suspicion or jealousy but rather a strong and happy relationship. Good luck, Steve--the-helpful-with-the-good-head-on-your-shoulders. I'm curious what others will have to say/share.
Well I was afraid this would happen. That I would need to post a not so positive update. But I do. I need you all to weigh in and give me different perspectives.
Then another from him later in the afternoon, sending a selfie while he is out kayaking. (Apparently he is from Canada.) He ends closes the short message by saying "Good day sexy". Her response is "Thanks. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing."
Obviously, I am considering confronting about this. I know enough to not give away what I know or how I know. But at the same time she isn't dumb and will know that I figured all of this out somehow.I could take the approach of just saying I've noticed her on the online games a lot again lately and to make sure she is remaining appropriate, making sure guys like this Canadian know that she is married. Etc.
Really had hoped I never would be in this situation, but here we are. Thoughts? Advice? Should I confront?
Oh my gosh Steve, sorry to read this update. You've given me such great advice in my sitch and I hoped your W would not backtrack. I don't know much about these online games. Does the guy have access to a profile photo of your W? It's discouraging that she called him beautiful and seems to be playing along with his advances. I do think you should confront before it gets too serious and let her know the negative affects it could have on your MR. Your soft approach of stating that you've noticed she's been playing the games more often is a good first step. Perhaps she'll open up without you having to sound accusatory and her thinking that you've been spying on her online activity.
To be clear, i don't think she was calling him beautiful, she was calling the scenery behind beautiful.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I agree with you Steve...she was mentioning the scenery in my mind.
My concern is the same as yours I think. She should be shutting down other people's advances. If not, she's playing a dangerous game. But maybe she just finds it difficult to ignore or shoot it down. Easier to just be pleasant and hope it stops.
I agree it makes the most sense to just say you've noticed she's been playing games more lately and it makes you feel concerned.
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
To be clear, i don't think she was calling him beautiful, she was calling the scenery behind beautiful.
Well, in that case, and considering you stating that things are better than they’ve ever been. I would probably hold off on confronting. She may have realized it was inappropriate afterwards, learned her lesson, and deleted to put it behind her as a temporary moment of weakness.
Trust your W, but verify. I would suggest monitoring over the next few weeks to ensure it is not recurring.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Echoing others, it very much sounds like your wife's reference to 'beautiful' was to the scenery, and that it was all deleted because she realised it could be seen as inappropriate and wanted to expunge it and never go back.
I think too it's telling that she didn't say more to him - had it been as you feared, I suspect (and with no disrespect to your wife) the replies from her would have been far more 'graphic' and moreso opening the way for him to contact her further. As they were, your wife's replies sounded detached and polite, and not much more, imho.
All the best mate - my fingers and legs are crossed for you especially as you were the first person whose sitch I read here and it gave me a lot of guidance and an uplifted spirit!
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
