Don't let yourself get sucked in any more. The answer to everything is "You need to seek help, stop seeing OW, and get yourself straight first before we can discuss our relationship." And meanwhile, nothing you are doing is any business of his.
He'll have temporary fits because you aren't waiting on the shelf as Plan B. OW will be pulling him her direction. You don't need to be abused by him, so don't let him pull you into arguments. "I'm sorry you feel that way " is a good response for most things. Definitely don't put anything in written form that you wouldn't want read in a divorce court.
Thanks for all your advice. I chose not to apologise or make any more contact. Despite feeling awful for the things I had said, I realised that what I had said wasn't that bad. It was his reactions to what I said that made me feel bad. Plus because in the past I would never stick up for myself, I felt guilty because I did.
The written text argument I got sucked into was all financially related. He questions every penny and things got heated over that.
Could have kicked myself for getting sucked in, but I shall move forward. Can't take it back so I shall stop beating myself up about it now. Something I've always been good at doing for days after saying something hurtful to someone else.
I think he has been going back and to between the both of us, and trying to keep both doors open. I know he has been actively looking for a job elsewhere and has a few interviews lined up because he showed me. He has also reached back out to counselling.
I think DnJ you are right in saying that he has tried to end it but keeps going back. Plus after leaving her husband, moving house and taking her 2 children out of a stable home I'm pretty sure she will be applying pressure.
He is throwing little fits here and there. He asked to see the kids this weekend and I after telling him that we were out Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning he sent texts to our D12 asking where we were going and who with after asking me got no reply.
Also, asking our daughter questions about what I'm up to, is Mum sad?, who bought mum the roses in the vase? (lady from work) etc etc
I've stopped filling him in on School assemblies, things they are doing with their hobbies etc because Its exhausting and he is more than capable of finding out the information himself from School.
I spoke to him on the phone this morning regarding the finances and I managed friendly yet business like. Stuck to the important facts and said goodbye.
I think I let my guard down slightly after him saying a few things I wanted to hear, and this is what got me sucked into the emotional reaction of arguing when I found that he was still involved with ow.
On the plus side I have had a great weekend so far with the kids and have made some new friends through new hobbies which has given me confidence in myself to push myself more and I'm having so much fun!
I am happy to see you cut yourself some slack and decided not to apologize. It is difficult to forgive ourselves, and we need to be gentle on ourselves, this is hard stuff.
It’s nice to see your businesslike conversation with H. And that you are letting him find the information about school events from the online school calendar.
Glad you’re having a great weekend, and finding new friends. Yes, our confidence does take quite a hit, it’s really good to see you regaining your’s.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Im sure the MLCer gets pulled in both directions because Im sure deep inside there may be voice or a gut intuition that there choices are not great and the pain is still present they cant run from the pain yet they do it anyway and they know they are running but cant stop
Keep moving forward you are making good choices and can trust yourself
Glad you are making new friends also--and having fun
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
