Get a rubber band and place it on your wrist and every time you are tempted to get off course and discuss relationship stuff...snap that band! Also, listen, listen and listen. He may attempt to provoke you into a disagreement...do not take his bait or drink his cool aid today. Do not agree to anything because he will hold it over your head. If he wants decisions, advise him that you have to think about it and will get back to him w/your responses.
Look at his as a business partner who has walked away from a joint business deal.
Good luck and keep calm, speak to him in a calm voice and look him in the eye when you speak to him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Don't discuss anything you're uncomfortable with. Don't sign anything Don't get drawn into emotional conversations Don't get drawn in by tears and manipulation
Take control of the conversation and pause before you answer.
Well I guess I’m not done as here I am on my phone at my aunts in the middle of the night. What do I make of this if? He shows up and wonders why I haven’t left already. Because he had told me he had questions about the separation agreement but when I said that it sounds as if he hasn’t even read it! Never mind have any input. A little chitchat very litttle and off I went. I can’t even validate anything as he doesn’t even say anything. So he’s dragging his feet (clearly) on the separation, talks to me like I’m the pizza delivery guy. No iota of curiosity where I’m going. Really if you want out, why isn’t he even looking at the agreement? Never mind getting dragged into his drama there is none. His affect is so flat around me I can only think he’s totally done. So why not get on with it? Two weeks ago tears and now this. I think he’s totally done with me and like I say there hasn’t even been a reason just “this marriage was over 15 years ago. It’s tough to be upbeat etc around him when there literally is no conversational opening. I’m still hopeful I guess but it’s weird feeling like I am essentially wallpaper.
Me: 57 H:60 Married: 25 yrs DB #1 June 4/19 "I love you forever" June 14/19 DB#2: June 19/19 ILYBINILWY
I know how you feel because that is the way my xh was, i.e., so detached it wasn't funny. You have to remember that they detached a long time ago, i.e., long before the bomb drop So, he's ahead of you by a few months. It's going to take you awhile to detach more...but I know you can do this.
I wasn't surprised that he had nothing to say and appeared not to have read it. Their minds are a jumbled mess and they truly cannot focus on any one thing for very long. When something comes along to distract them, well....the important stuff then sits.
Let's face it, he's an emotional mess right now and it's going to be many months before he can get it together. I would continue to move forward and if he truly has something to say about the separation agreement, he will come forward. Do what you need to do and do not allow him to drag you down.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks job. It’s all just so bizarre to me. I know I’m using this board like a journal but honestly if I talk to people around me nobody seems to understand what I’m saying. Even my divorced friends circumstances were different and they had ex’s that wanted to get it done. So their advice is “make him sign”. Well how do I do that? 3000 for the lawyer to do essentially a 50/50 simple agreement? I am trying to rise above the confusion. But nothing makes sense. Marriage done 15 yrs ago. But no hurry to move his stuff out or sign agreements. Okay at least for now with me simply telling what his share of bills are and transferring money. I’m sure this will stop at some point so really need the agreement filed at court. When he treats me like wallpaper I’m sure we are totally done. I still think way way back in his mind I’m still plan b. I’m sure he’s out there right now looking for plan a. He says we will talk about it Wednesday after work. We will see. Otherwise I will book a mediator and we can do it there.
Me: 57 H:60 Married: 25 yrs DB #1 June 4/19 "I love you forever" June 14/19 DB#2: June 19/19 ILYBINILWY
Do not be surprised if he does show up Wednesday or may even be late. They don't do well in doing what they say they will do. Keep your expectations at zero when it comes to him saying and doing things. His actions will speak louder than words.
When it comes to divorce, the MLC/walkaway divorces can be very different from a "normal" divorce. Many people do not understand this unless they have walked in your shoes.
Dig deeper for patience. I think you are doing quite well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Few people understand the depth of MLC. I think it is a cause of a tremendous amount of divorces, and it slips under the radar. Friends and people in the community unlikely know much about it unless it happened to them.
Start placing the onus on him for the divorce process. Have an agreed time to meet. If he bails, it will be on him. One word of caution with regards to hurrying the process: he may have hidden assets and/or debts. If you do this yourself, have him give you a notarized inventory and request to see all statements. My W charged almost $20k on a credit card in 4 months time. I knew nothing about it until the inventory. He may want to hurry in order to benefit himself. Be cautious, this is the rest of your life at hand here.
they take their time usually until, it benefits them or the oW pressures them possibly
I would as Job says keep expectations at zero and continue to protect your assets
some stop paying as time goes on or as Hamburg says they rack up debt
MY xh paid me every week during the separation I thought my situation was different..
but what I didnt realize was he was paying me with business funds and not paying vendors racking up debt in our business while supporting OW and living on the beach with her-
she was also charging lots of stuff and the business was paying it off all of this I found out later..after the business was in the red-
be aware and alert..they are tricky, and they lie a l ot
Some people will not understand the MLc process but many will especially if they had one Most people will give advice from their perspective and their experience with D
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
