W has just admitted PA to me. Wasn’t surprised. Seems that I informed her she has been in an EA with him for a long time. The guy I thought it was too - a guy from her work who gets beaten by his W. Sounds about right... easily controlled and easily manipulated.
Will set up L meeting tomorrow.
Such a shame that she has taken this path - she is doing what she sees as best for her and nobody else gets a look in.
W has informed S and D that we won’t R. W didn't bother to tell me she had done this - D ended up informing me when I saw her. She was told a few days ago. I did my best to deal with this and we ended with hugs and high fives that we would get through this together.
I’m finding it hard to deal with the fact W didn’t tell me this. She really is an alien...
I think we are now done. I don’t see any chance of R - I have been treated abysmally throughout this time and feel I was manipulated into it and it was all planned well in advance.
The decision to move back in because I was duped into this and that stipulations of the separation were broken versus how it might affect D9 doesn’t appear to get any easier though. Moving back feels like the right thing to do for me but I don’t know if it is right for D at least in the short term.
It just feels like an impossible decision to make.
Any words of wisdom, advice of how to make it or links to similar sitches would be really helpful guys.
Does anyone have any advice on how to make this decision?
Most of me wants to move back and make her lie in the bed she has made rather than him possibly moving in and dealing with any proceedings from there. Part of me wants to walk away and start afresh now - the space has been good for me and my relationship with D and I feel that going back may hinder this.
The affect this all has and will continue to have on D breaks my heart.
Does anyone have any advice on how to make this decision?
Most of me wants to move back and make her lie in the bed she has made rather than him possibly moving in and dealing with any proceedings from there. Part of me wants to walk away and start afresh now - the space has been good for me and my relationship with D and I feel that going back may hinder this.
The affect this all has and will continue to have on D breaks my heart.
What did the lawyer say?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
She said I’m legally entitled to go back but said I should think of the impact it might have on D. My counter was that the impact on D of OP moving in will be harder. She then replied ‘W can’t do that!’, I asked if that was her legal opinion.. it wasn’t, it was her moral one, W is legally entitled to invite anyone to stay as a guest.
S doesn’t go to college until next month so there are no spare bedrooms in the house. Rental lease on one bed apartment is up soon and need to give notice soon.
1. Move back, ASAP. You should have never left. 2. Take back the MBR. This is important because your STBXW doesn't respect you. Taking back the MBR will earn back her respect. 3. I am missing the "impact on D". This is all going to suck for your D9. But having her dad in the marital home is definitely better than not having her. 4. No guest bedroom isn't your problem. You move back. Move your stuff into the MBR. Take her stuff and put out of the MBR. WHen she protests you say firmly, "I refuse to share the MBR with a cheater." Then listen, and validate. Stand firm. She will be angry and may even scream "I hate you". But she WILL respect you. 5. If she leaves for OM's apartment, even better. Then she is his problem. And you've flipped the script on the abandonment issue!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am appalled she spoke to D9 about your MR like that, THAT has more of an impact to D9 than anything.
Having talked to lawyers and counselors through my process, I would say... don't use counselors for legal advice, and don't use lawyers for relationship advice.
I’m constantly trying to rationalise her behaviour but I also know it is a total waste of time. My brain just have the capacity to process what has gone on.
If I swap me for her in this sitch, I would be utterly embarrassed, feel immense shame for what I had done and would think trying to have an OP, stay in the house, get W to leave etc would be the most brazen, selfish and disrespectful thing I could possibly do. Yet when it is me that is being treated in that way, I never see it quite like that. It is really gets on my nerves that I clearly don’t have the level of self respect that I should have - I do not deserve to be treated in this way by anyone.
