My wife really opened my eyes to how oblivious I was to my actions which caused many issues in our marriage. Wow. It hit me like a kick to the groin. I explained how my actions really showed disrespect to her and the marriage. I will not go into details but most of it is financially related.
Although I still believe she is involved with another man, even though she denies the relationship is more than friendship, I know she will tell me the truth only if she wants to.
Putting that aside I can only control my actions and what happens from here. I am happy I initiated the discussion once again and even though I am not satisfied with the response about the affair I am happy I learned more details from her that contributed to our sitch.
Its been almost for years since the bomb drop and I have not been as focused on D.B.'ing as I need to be going forward.
I have been busy doing my own thing, GAL I have spent little time at home when she is there. When she arrives, many times I just leave the house. On occasion, I will just go to my office to think or just waste time. Other times I truly am busy with my life. Meeting friends, playing hockey once a week.
My main problem is asking too many questions when we are both home. That will stop. When we are together I will let her initiate conversation. If she, doesn't I will not let it affect me as I know there will be a circumstance that she will have to discuss something. I will only initiate conversation when the topic is the about the children.
I must read the book again and again to help me keep focused. I will also keep a daily journal and at the beginning of each week I will set goals in three areas, Home Life(family), Business and Self. I started this journal Monday July 22/19.
With my new focus I will also rely on opinions, advice and the experience of this website. Financially I am unable to sign up for DB coaching but that is on my list of things that I must do to help me keep focused on the correct past to Saving my marriage.
Living under the same roof may make it difficult to detach fully.
I look forward to all the advice out there.
Thank You
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
I noticed a response only after starting this thread. I went on advise from other DB ers on how to approach the Other man issue, now I get a response stating My approach was wrong. I cannot change the past. What is done is done. However by initiating the conversation I in fact did a 180. It was the first time I talked after thinking of what I am to say as in other times my initiating conversation was started without truly being prepared of what to say, how to say it and keeping calm and level headed.
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
Here is the response from LH19 I wish you really would have run your scenario by the board. It's a weak move to confront and make the statement that you won't live with a cheater and then continue to live with a cheater. We would have advised you not to confront if that was the case.
What are your sons circumstances regarding the timing? I thought when you came here in 2015 she was leaving after school was done?
Isn't wearing the ring a symbol of commitment? What we be the point of wearing now?
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
Ok. So what was the goal of the confrontation? That she would stop? So you confront she denys it and tells you how you were a terrible husband. That is classic manipulation.
I'm not beating you up I am just trying to understand the goal. You act as this was a victory because you claim it's a 180?
It's great that you were calm and level headed but unless you are ok sharing your w with another man you just weakened your position.
In my mind I wanted her to know I knew about the other man. Lets get this straight She never said I was a terrible Husband. I was not a terrible husband, I just wasn't the good husband that I thought I was. This was my eye opener based on our discussion. If I did indeed weaken my position I only have to strengthen it again. How do I go about that?
Like I said I acted based on opinion and suggestion from another member. I will never bring up the affair again with her. Its done and only if she wants to talk about it and initiates the topic will it be discussed.
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
It's gonna be tough but let's start with the sleeping arrangements. Do you sleep together? Are you in the master bedroom? If she's still in the master bedroom then she needs to sleep elsewhere.
