I’m 53. You’re right of course. At some point yes I imagine I’ll get fed up with this and file like other LBS. I was delusional enough to think he’d want his own place at some point. Would want to see the kids more. Silly me. What was I thinking? He has money, freedom, no responsibilities, he’s living the dream. You’re right he doesn’t care about any of this.
I've heard the same advice: "You don't want to be the one to file" or "Your kids will always remember who filed" or "Don't be the bad guy"
You know what? If I'm a good father to them, I'm pretty sure the detail of who filed for divorce is not going to play a significant role in their life.
Now... I still don't yet WANT to be the person to file... I'm just saying if the kids are the only thing holding it back, phhhh
Unchien is exactly!!! I might be tempted to file just because I have no patience and want a decision yesterday. That decision if made to hastily is selfish. I have kids to think about and 4 months out it’s too soon to pull the plug. I still hold out hope anyway. I don’t want to file. I’ve got time and I need to work on my patience
Steve our 16 year old quit talking to him 3 months ago. When I saw my husband at the hospital he said he had hope then he said he didn’t because he heard me say something ugly. Our girls and I make jokes to cope. We were all joking that day. Not that it mattered he was very angry before then because he blames me for our daughter not talking to him. He then said he needed to see changes and when asked what he pointed to her hospital room. It’s a no win situation. She won’t talk to him and even if she does it won’t change anything. So while I want to manipulate I’m aware it won’t change anything. I’m presently doing nothing to manipulate him.
Steve thanks for taking the time to answer me. He planned this for 2 months and it wasn’t a firm decision so it was largely an emotional decision. He rushed around for a month getting ready. Within 30 days he could file. We'd agreed on a fair settlement.
10 days later he looks at our budget (I’d prepared one during settlement talks). It’s online so I can tell when he looks at it. He had a budget yes but I paid the bills for 30 years so he missed things. He took the day off (text). That same day he flipped out and sent this awful text to our 16 year old. She didn’t care she just couldn’t believe he went there. So he’s not going to have as much cash left over as he thought and he’s lost a daughter. He sends her flowers and repeated texts. It's all I want, I need, me, me, me. She's a child she's not concerned about his happiness.
3 months after all this and my youngest daughter (13) says he’s done nothing. Won’t commit to renting anything. Won’t make a decision. She says and he’s told me that he’s sad, miserable, angry, frustrated and confused. And now I’m here waiting for him to decide. I thought the lease ending would force a decision but he can live like this indefinitely. Ugh
We never decorated since we hadn't lived here that long before he left. It's a rental is it wrong to go ahead and hang pictures and curtains? I suspect now we are going to be here a while.
Ugh easier said than done. I’m trying so hard to get this. I think I’ll look stupid if I hang pictures just to have to patch walls in 2 months. He will be angry that he has to patch walls since we are divorcing. I want to decorate to make being in limbo tolerable. I figure if I’m stuck here I might as well make it pretty.
What do I communicate about the kids? Specifically. What do I communicate about us? I forwarded emails and texts regarding the lease. He said he’d handle so that’s it from me. I sometimes let him know about mail but mostly I just let it sit until I can hand it to a kid.
I’m at the point where I don’t have to talk to him or see him. The hospital thing I had no choice.
