I need to get my mind off of her for a week or so before I go F$!#ING bat$hit Looney Tunes full breakdown, never get off the floor crazy and do something self caring like a massage or something. Or a week away. I just can't neglect anymore responsibility and have to TCB soon when it comes to house chores and mediation. I can't get off the couch again im so depressed today. Can't even go food shopping or feed myself, plus just got out of 100 deg heat. The bodily ability is there but my spirit is dead for today. My mind has to eventually accept this is happening and move on.Going to order a pizza
To Ozman. My W got an invitation yesterday from GF where I think this all started from GF engagement party last August. She has been spending a lot of time with her and her friends and Company lately other than dresses and Bridal stuff. Is where I think she is constantly going out to cuz I know what all her other friends are typically doing. Her girlfriend sent it with no return address for future invitations for. Save the date for 2020 January. It was addressed to her maiden name so I guess the writing's on the wall. Sometimes that wedding let's see if she sleeps is anybody there or she's currently seeing anyone in the party which I suspect I can't prove. Screw it. I can't do anything about it.or control any of this but me. This stuff really is a death by a thousand paper cuts which takes a year or two to go through another year or two to recover probably.
Im ok. Was depressed all day watching S1. Im starting to get back into frame. Ill get through this. I need an opinion here on moving forward. I want to take the partial buyout option of $5k up front, and roughly $40k. when the house sells potentially next spring. I'm looking to work up lawyer consultation and mediator consultations, and an MOA that stipulate this. I just want to get the f@$! away from here at this point, focus on me, and start rebuilding my life.
It's either that or option b where we stick it out until the house sells next year, BIL potentially moves in to cut costs at her request. I'm really not having any of this $hit. But half the deed is in her name and she has legal grounds to do so. She's strapped for money too so she's trying to get me to refinance with her, then we split the assets when the house sells, or she refinances, does the buyout, removes me from deed. Give up starter $5k to me with MOA contract to pay off to me once house sells. She wants to consolidate all of our joint debts too. it's confusing. Personally I want no frikkem business venture with her whatsoever. Affecting my credit. It's my fault I let her handle the bills last couple years only being somewhat aware of what was going on and signing on to her poor decisions. Even though she makes more than I do.
I just want to get out of here but also covering myself legally with my custody of my son. No BS ababdonment charges, no alimony payments and out of court CS just padding S1 food clothes and diaper bills. She can pay her own medical insurance on him.
Another thing is his birthday parties coming up in 2 months she wants to invite all of our families to it and wants a decision for me and what I want to get involved with me or not I haven't decided yet but have until tomorrow. I'm probably going to say no I'm making my own plans for him. What do you guys think about all this?
^^^ What does anyone here think about current given scenario above if they have a moment, and thank you in advanced. I need to figure out my next chess move in a week or so and don't really know how to proceed until I meet with L this Weds.
Some say no (Steve85 and Sandi, correct me if wrong, im thinking of you two). Best DB is no family time at all. They need to get used to separate celebrations anyhow.
I'm in same boat. My view is I'm going to do no family time EXCEPT S6 birthday. I simply don't have the heart to face my S6 to skip. W bday coming up too. She gets a card and gift from kids. Which is more than what some here would say. My POV, I don't know of any guy friend or even gay guy friend who would give a gift and card to girl. So why should XH? Give the kids some pens and they can do something. And Sandi has said as much.
Thanks Josh. I already made my decision on seperate plans with S1 for Bday. I was just wondering what everyone's opinion here was on going forward with house refi options I listed, mediation, and such. I'm not even concerned with W's state torwards me. She is currently as cold as ice from last week.
I thought I had typed out a response on my phone, but apparently I never sent it.
On the birthday party. I highly suggest going through with a joint party. While Josh is right that kids and family will need to get used to separate events in the future, there also will be joint events too. Graduation partiy, wedding, 16th birthday. Yes smaller events will be separate. But there are going to be some big events that will be joint events.
On the financial stuff. IHC, the decision is made, right? You guys are splitting up. So why would you do anything that combines your finances in any way? Though I have to say I don't trust her on the refinance. So just put the house up for sale, but put everything else on hold. When you D you will, with mediation and/or court help, split everything 50/50. You and she will get 50% of the proceeds from the sale. Half of all the debt. Etc.
And do not leave the marital home until the D is settled or ordered by a court to do so. Yes there are legal ramifications by doing that. Could impact custody, and whether or not you abandoned the house as far as who gets that and the equity that goes with it. Stick it out IHC. A few more months won't kill you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve. Was going to do joint b day party. Decided to do it seperate and am holding on that. After already changing my mind once. She already put together a list of my family and her family, and I gave her the idea for the venue. I took 4 days to decide it. I decided as much as I wanted to originally do this jointly for the sake of my S1, my attitude torwards her and the actions she is taking has changed. Maybe in the following years I will go joint on special occasions. She understands this. No more family functions together as of now. (I still suspect EA which she denies, as of current for another story.) I am not combining refinancing in any way. I don't trust her with them anymore. I understand the abandonment and legal ramifications for leaving the M home before the D. I will get more into that with L tomorrow. I'm hoping to get something drawn up to where the custodial parental rights are drawn up if I do move out and no legal action will be taken against me when I do decide to go in a few month after partial buyout moneys after refinance. It will be her job once I'm out to list the house on the market and take care of the house from there on all the appraisals and repairs and so forth.
