My Story Part 3

[AnotherStander]

Sounds good Manta, except for this part:

I have a very handsome picture of myself up, so she can see I'm happy and looking well.

Fixed it for you Don't do things for her or to get a reaction from her.

[Manta]

Sounds good Manta, except for this part:

I have a very handsome picture of myself up, so she can see I'm happy and looking well.

Fixed it for you Don't do things for her or to get a reaction from her.

I agree with AnotherStander

Do you believe that when the obstacles of being away from each other, such as distance, etc are overcome, the excitement of the affair and back to normal life again, that the WW's and AP's begin to realize all the sacrifices they made to be with each other? Like was it really worth it?

[AnotherStander]

Do you believe that when the obstacles of being away from each other, such as distance, etc are overcome, the excitement of the affair and back to normal life again, that the WW's and AP's begin to realize all the sacrifices they made to be with each other? Like was it really worth it?

It definitely happens. There's a weird dynamic in affair relationships, often they feel like "it's us versus the world" and that creates a weird kind of bond between them. A lot of OP's engage in an affair in the first place because of the forbidden nature of it, the challenge of stealing a married person away from their partner. Take all of that stuff away and you're left with two people taking a good hard look at each other and asking themselves "is this person really that great after all, someone I want to spend my life with?" Sometimes they decide to give it a go, but a lot of the time they don't. I mean when it comes down to it you're talking about two people of questionable morals- one who is messing around on their spouse and another who is messing with a married person. It's kind of doomed to failure from the beginning.

[Manta]

Do you believe that when the obstacles of being away from each other, such as distance, etc are overcome, the excitement of the affair and back to normal life again, that the WW's and AP's begin to realize all the sacrifices they made to be with each other? Like was it really worth it?

It definitely happens. There's a weird dynamic in affair relationships, often they feel like "it's us versus the world" and that creates a weird kind of bond between them. A lot of OP's engage in an affair in the first place because of the forbidden nature of it, the challenge of stealing a married person away from their partner. Take all of that stuff away and you're left with two people taking a good hard look at each other and asking themselves "is this person really that great after all, someone I want to spend my life with?" Sometimes they decide to give it a go, but a lot of the time they don't. I mean when it comes down to it you're talking about two people of questionable morals- one who is messing around on their spouse and another who is messing with a married person. It's kind of doomed to failure from the beginning.

True AnotherStander. I agree with that.

I'm sure there will be more twist's and turns in this story.

Right now, I need to completely focus on myself and trust that by doing the right things, no matter if we R or not, that i will have a better life and be ok.

One day she will see what's she's lost.

[Manta]

Journaling 23/06/2019:

Hi all, it's almost a month since my last post, still, I have no update or heard anything from my WW.

It's over 4 months since she last contacted me, in relation to solicitor's details. I was expecting that time to get some form of legal documentation, however nothing.

She's living with her AP in Germany and started a new job a few months ago and is still with him afaik.

I'm beginning to accept more than likely she will wait until the 12 months separated is up, then file for divorce. So perhaps August/September I will be served with divorce papers.

I have accepted the situation now, while it still hurts and not a day goes by I don't think about what happened, I'm focused on being the best I can be.

I have finished restoring that old car. I have lost 22 pounds in the last year, reconnected with my old friends again and have succeeded in all my work projects. I have gone for a nice holiday to Spain on my own and have recently booked another holiday in July. Gone to a few concerts and had a lot of fun. I'm busy with hillwalking, kayaking and meeting new people. I'm 36 and know my life isn't over.

I'm still standing for my marriage in my own way, but I feel my WW is so determined to show everyone she made the right decision by leaving me, she won't turn back....yet... But natural circumstances will fall, if they haven't already.

I just want to say thanks to you all for helping me in the last 10 months.

It's affair season now, where dates are aligning up with last year, the first time they kissed, had sex and DDay. It's all on the way in the next few weeks. It does trigger me, as i remember all of these milestones.


For those who have recently found out their WH or WS is having an affair and has left them, let me give you some advice.

Things do get better. You will get through this and become stronger. It's not easy and it's like a rollercoaster of emotions. Keep busy with GAL/ 180's and detach. It's all you can do, your WS is lost right now and in a very selfish state.

You can't change their feelings or the decisions they're making, but you can take control of your story.

Be selfish for yourself and love yourself that little bit more. Enjoy those moments with family and friends.

Don't beg, plead or lower your integrity by trying to fight with your WS. Be strong of course and stand your ground and implement boundaries. This is very important to protect your emotional wellbeing and show your WS you won't be disrespected or walked over.

[NicoleR]

Hi Manta, it takes a long time to accept that someone is totally gone. There'll always be that chance, whether now or in 20 years, that the person will try to come back but it's impossible to know when. I think someday your wife will either have a big fight with her affair partner or they'll break up and that's when she'll remember you and possibly start to think twice about what she did. You've done the best you can possibly do but you'll never be the same again after the devastation you've suffered. I hope though as you start thinking more about your life and future you'll start to form a vision of the type of woman you'd like to meet someday. I bet she'll be quite different from your wife. Now that you've been on your own for nearly a year you also know how to be alone and to live without a partner, which isn't what you chose, but it seems you've done it successfully. I do hope your wife files at the 12 month mark if that's what she wants because that would bring at least closure despite it causing more suffering to you, but hopefully at least it's the final time she can hurt you and then you'll move on completely.

[Destroyd]

Thanks for the update Manta. It sounds like you are really starting to come through this. This gives us all some inspiration. Thank you.

[Manta]

Thanks all for your comments and support. I haven't any hope anymore, rather a dull acceptance. Its affair season now, where the next few weeks align up with pre dday last summer. My life completely changed forever last August.

I haven't pushed or drunk called her, wrote any begging messages or anything. It's been nearly 5 months since i last heard from her. 10 months since we last spoke in person, or seen her.

I keep thinking my wife's affair and behaviour since dday is very different to others. Once she was caught, she ran away from her mess and cut me out of her life asap and went dark.

Perhaps one day she'll reflect on her decision to cheat on me and maybe show remorse for her actions.
She carried a lot of emotional issues which i did my best to help her with.

But most likely, the same issues are still there. Her AP will find out soon enough too. There has been no self reflection or time to really work on herself. Just jumped straight into a new relationship.

The next few months should tell a lot.

[Manta]

Journaling 06/07/2019

So i found out today my WW is pregnant with her AP. It's a year this weekend since she slept with the AP for the first time. Only a few months since she quit her job, moved back home to Germany to live with her AP and is now pregnant.

Last Sept she told me that I was traditional, because I wanted a house and kids, yet now she's pregnant. I haven't seen her since last Sept or spoken to her in person.

This won't end well. Everything has happened so quickly. I haven't reacted or said anything.

I saw her profile on Whatsapp, where she had an emoticon of a pregnant woman and a heart next to it.

I'm shocked, hurt again but I know that she can't hurt me anymore now then what she already has.

It's time for me to cut the cord and move on with my life. She's a disgrace.

[neffer]

Hey M, transform that energy to set you free. It´s doesn´t matter whatever she is, it´s what you are now that counts.

Keep walking your road man.

Sending you a big hug

((((Manta)))