I have never ever experienced that intense connection. It’s always been something that was based on judgement. This is a first for me. . Same for new guy. It could be that I am getting excited by his intensity for me. He has told me he’s head over heels. I know a part of that is gonna be because of physical looks which is superficial. . But the more things he says and talks about the more I can just totally relate to. Like we are completely on the same wave length - we both are active, eat healthy, like to talk and communicate, our love languages match, low key and peaceful and collaborative personalities. Analytical.
ah I hate to be all negative but have to say this post is concerning. Head over heels in a week?? I have never experienced this (to be honest, it's probably not possible for me because of my personality) but have seen this several times. It does not typically end well. This post reminds me of what I see from people on social media when the just meet someone and suddenly are 'in love'. 3-6 months down the line.... you don't see those posts anymore.
Let that analytical side of the brain take over for a bit. Love is a drug. Once that brain chemistry takes over, it's hard to regain control until it wears off. I hope this all works out for the best for you. Sure enjoy the ride now but be careful.
Oh.... and a question. How do you know this is the first time new guy has felt this way??
Yeah I agree - a guy telling me he's "head over heels" after only a week or two freaks me out because, of course, he doesn't actually KNOW me by that time, so it's just about the FANTASY of me.
It doesn't make it bad - necessarily - because we've all met partners that we were wildly attracted to from the beginning. But as adults with some experience, a little caution is called for. Just keep your eyes and ears open.
BTW - I talk a good talk but sometimes rules are made to be broken. I have slept with a man within hours of meeting him after a couple of months of talking online (he lived 11 hours away) and I don't regret it - we dated for a year and are still good friends. CMM (although maybe not a perfect example) WAS head over heels about me pretty quickly, and with reason - I'm a good match for him.
But when we're excited we don't always make good choices or see red flags, so enjoy but just keep your wits about you.
J - The Dr. did not make me get tested as I had a blood test about 1 month earlier due to a girl that made me get tested before I slept with her. I agree with what everyone else has said above. Just remember you are in control and it is perfectly ok to request that your partner get tested before you sleep with them. If they really care and value you they won't mind at all. I showed the Dr. my tests and told her I would get tested again if she wanted.
So just a quick update... things are going great with NG. We clique so well - mutual chemistry and anticipation. It is so much fun. He immediately went exclusive and told me no pressure for me to do the same - but I have no desire to date others right now. He’s very romantic and wants long term partnership. And he tells me how excited he is about me even though it’s so early. I feel the same. But am keeping things in perspective. I know that time is the only true revealer.
So different from ex bf and ex husband. Neither of them were as into getting to know who I am on a deeper level. Ex bf would just stop responding in a text in which I thought the conversation was still going. Ex bf was always negging me even in his compliments. Actually compared me to being like his favorite car but in the wrong color because of my hair coloring (he likes red heads) and then once he said the only thing he would change is my height (I’m 5’8) and I was thinking “my height???? He’s the short one. He should wish he was taller. “ the arrogance was unbelievable.
New bf is showing my pictures to his friends and family and makes me feel completely cherished. He’s really considerate and enthusiastic. I just can’t believe I wasted time on my ex husband who didn’t make time or effort for me or ex bf who was so critical and wasn’t even physically attractive himself. I think I was punishing myself with him. New guy is really attractive too and tall. (Those aren’t my priorities but it’s a nice part of it and really adds to the physical chemistry) And everything has been so comfortable and easy. I think we both just want to meet each other’s needs. I know how early it is too and I don’t want it to burn out .
Sounds lovely. Just don't get so swept off your feet that you forget to look for any red flags (remember sociopaths are good at telling us exactly what we want to hear). Just keep your wits about you and do your research - while enjoying what sounds like a nice guy!
I cant say I have seen any red flags but it’s still early. He likes me so much - almost like a fantasy crush and that can be scary cause I worry about when those feelings get interrupted by reality. I actually keep telling him about all my flaws!! But it certainly is fun getting to know him. We are both pretty analytical. He’s more of the extrovert and I’m used to a bit more independence and alone time - which is refreshing to me in some ways because of my past. I’m used to being the clinger with ex husband or the initiator with ex bf (he was either lazy or insecure or passive) so being with an extrovert that takes initiative feels like the perfect scenario. It’s a turn on. So far, I like him more then I have ever liked anyone.
Our only difficulty is logistics. We are on opposite schedules and meeting up requires a lot of effort which we are both putting in. But it will make sleepovers or trips away impossible and I’m not sure how to navigate that. It does keep the pace a bit slower which is probably better long term. But we are certainly not going to introduce kids, so how do we carve out time?
I read an article once that essentially said that early fireworks are great but you have to have something more than that to sustain long term and you have to be careful that you don't let those early fireworks blind you and cause you to overlook red flags.
That said having kids and their schedules is the best thing you can use to your advantage to slow things down. I would take it as blessing more than anything else early on. Carving out time can be challenging if your schedules are off sink but if you both are vested in working through it you can make time. I sometimes drop my girls off at a local gymnastics place for parents night out from 6 to 10 on Saturday nights. I obviously can't have a sleep over but it is still a chance to go out and connect.
