Well she may indeed be someone with a personality disorder. But just saying, their history was seriously challenged by medical problems, correct? So it might be a good idea to work on a somewhat more compassionate view of her - even if she's awful - for your own sake. You of all people have it in you to do that, as you've proven in your relationship with OW and exH. It's never a good thing when the new partner gets all into defending their partner against the "horrible ex" - he married her and had a child with her, and it won't help him for you to get involved with being mad at her. Of course she's going to be jealous of you step-parenting her son, and likely jealous of her ex for having a happy relationship with you.
Also - if she IS someone with a personality disorder - you need to be strategic. Hold your friends close and your enemies closer kind of stuff.
Totally agree KML. I learned that with my STBXH's daughter's mom. My STBXH made her out to be a crazy person. She definitely has that side to her but she is not nearly as evil as he made her out to be. Certainly, he strung her along for as long as he could before she found out about the double life he was leading back then. It is a pattern of his and she was angry about it for a long time. I totally understand why. Anyway...in the beginning, I was too involved with the drama and it didn't help things. Eventually, I took a step back and treated her with compassion and empathy even though I still had some disparaging thoughts about her. I did it for my stepdaughter who didn't need that much animosity between the parental figures in her life. SD's mom now wants to be my friend but I'm lukewarm on that idea. Luckily we don't live in the same community.
Re: M's ex... all I can say, as the mother of two children who are spending 50% of their time with my STBXH and his affair, it takes a really strong person to go to an event like that and not be affected emotionally by it. I have not yet had to go to anything with the two of them playing happy family but I'd like to think that I could manage it even though I'm sure it would anger me on some level. But I'm a strong person and I am well aware that there are many people out there who are not and would act the same way his ex did.
Also...again, a word of caution... there are ALWAYS two sides to every story and you have to take into consideration who is telling it. I'm sure my STBXH has told his affair all kinds of half-truths and untruths about me. Why would he tell her anything that paints him in a bad light?? So...I'm sure if you talked to M's ex, she would have a very different account of their history. Where does the truth lie? In my experience...usually somewhere in between. My advice to you, as someone who is just entering the picture and is not the kids' mother...be supportive and kind and all of those good things that you are but steer clear of getting involved with the drama. That's M's drama to deal with - he had a hand in making it so he needs to manage it.
BTW...if she truly is evil and a horrible mother, perhaps you should be making a report to child protective services.
In a rush, but I will tell you this. I stay out of it. I give support and some advice. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I know there are two sides to every story. But I have seen the hard copy proof of the nuttiness. And she is a parental alienation and I don’t have much respect for anyone who uses a child as a pawn . Whatever their beef, the child shouldn’t be used. Period. But again, I am just a bystander, but it is hard to see both of them which I have love for, hurt. In any case, she didn’t act any different last night than she does when they are in the same area without me there. It was her norm, she’s done this before.
I definitely don’t try to Mother the kid. I’m just a source of fun and support, and comfort . We got a good little bond going on, but I won’t try to be his mother
His surprise was so sweet. He came to pick me and D11 up to go to the fair. He came in my house with flowers and a Gave me a kiss on the cheek and “officially” asked me to be his girlfriend. He showed his son how to treat a lady and showed my daughter how a lady should be treated. She thought it was the sweetest thing. We held hands tonight and I got a kiss or two. He went on some rides with D and I took his S on some rides. It was really pretty awesome. I’m so glad his son is totally cool with us being boyfriend and girlfriend.
We had our fun filled concert weekend. Only the second concert didn’t go as planned. It was outdoors at an iconic venue down the shore. We waited on line for an hour and just as we got in, a hurricane like storm ripped through. We had just gotten a beer and they told us all to get inside. First we were at the covered outdoor bar area, but the rain was sideways, and a trellis went flying and some speakers and lights. It was scary AF. We went all the way in then they announced the concert was canceled. We decided to walk to this pretty cool beach front rooftop (covered ) bar and on the way there another storm blew through and we got soaked, so what did we do? We got beers and hung out! Got a bite to eat there, then took a walk on the beach when it cleared up, then went back for one more drink. The venue made the news because it was so crazy. When things go unexpected like that it’s nice to know how the other person reacts. We are two go with the flow people, so we are good at making the best of whatever. Today we went to the beach for a bit, had a really nice lunch and went home. We actually spent time every day since Wednesday. It was nice. His actions have definitely shown me he has heard me and he is committed . There are stupid little things that annoy me about him, as I am sure I have some of the same that annoy him. I’ve never been in an R thins long since my M, but we are still learning and adapting.
I realize I can be petty in my head and dumb sometimes with little stuff. We both had IG stories going and if you saw mine, you knew we were together. If you saw his, you would have thought he was solo. It bothered me for a sec. but then I realized that this man asked me to be his girlfriend in front of his son and that was bigger than anything you could put on social media. And he doesn’t care when I post a picture of us. We may spend some time 4th of July and then we go away together on our family vacation Sunday. I get back a few days before him, but he asked D11 and I to join him for his family birthday dinner when we get back. He includes us as family and that means a lot.
