Ginger...i really appreciate your comments. See I know there's nothing inherently wrong about "hey there", but in the context of how we've been to date it stands out as being more formal as we've always been lovey. It's just different from what it's been in the past. Also absolutely correct in that her "me" time could be hanging with her GFs or anything else she wants it to be. And I'm totally supportive of that. It was just different in that now she is not providing to me any details. One thing I realize that I need to do is when I don't have my D4 is that I need to be doing MY "me time" as well free from being with her. It is healthy and helpful for me and for our relationship overall. From being here I won't let my GAL slip as I know of it's value now.
From your thread I can see myself worrying about the end, overanalyzing and as I was an LBS being very wary about my GF giving me what she can and me misconstruing it as she's getting ready to bail out on me. Reading your thread/sitch was very helpful to me this morning.
Very much as you say I need to relax, live my life and enjoy this in the moment. Since we had been going along seemingly happily and now all of a sudden seem to have hit a tough spot or at least a spot wherein she needs some time, it is challenging given my prior experience to not rush to "this is the end" type of conclusions.
LH...3 months, pretty much once or twice every other week, but sometimes we can sneak a few hours extra here and there, last Saturday when I walked holding her hand shopping for stuff for my place...with her daughter holding her other hand. All actions have been positive and that she is happy and loves me. It's only the words that at best have been confusing to me.
I'm going to detach, give her the space and time she needs, reply with my feelings when/if she reaches out to me and just go on with my life. In my WW sitch I reached the point where I said "God has a plan for me and either this girl is gonna come back around to me or she's not and I'll survive, move on and continue on my journey to perhaps finding the lady who is right for me". When I get out of my head on this (and I'm only there because I do have strong feelings of love for her) and say to myself this is either gonna work or it won't and either way I'll be fine, I'm able to free my thoughts and move along. Heartbreak might just be the worst human emotion we ever have to deal with, but knowing that it's survivable and possible to thrive once through it, we can have hope for better things to come if we go through heartbreak again.
Sorry I rambled there, but I'm sure many of you can understand.
LH...just that in past relationships, I did not do a good job of expressing my feelings on things that I did not like within the relationship or I thought instead of saying I felt differently, that it was better to go along rather than create and have to get through conflict.
You definitely don’t want to have that convo over text.
Give her space and when/if she reaches out tell her you would love to see her and make a definite date. If she gives you the runaround tell her to call you when she’s free.
Like the big smooth said “if she wants to see you she’ll make time”.
Hey B, just remember the road you´ve taken. It´s about our identites, who we are. To accept ourselves and face life. Then we are who we are, we face our fears. There we stand, and there is where you are standing.
PMA, and stop that negative mind reading. It´s unnecessary.
Hugs bro! (((B)))
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
this rather is about HER not feeling she has the time after work, family and our relationship, having time for doing the things she's told herself are important to her.
Ahhhh, OK I totally misunderstood. I think we can all relate to her feelings on that, I know I have a dozen things I NEED to do and a dozen things I WANT to do at any given time and have time for about 25% of them if that. So I'm constantly having to prioritize and often end up doing the things I need to rather than what I want to. About all you can do there is listen and validate. Don't try to fix her! Like Ginger said it's for her to figure out. She may vent to you about it just to get it off her chest.
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AS...yep i have the traditional desk job, GF does not...she is off running here and there throughout many days of the week AND the weekend. I'm totally fine with rolling with it as well and I've told her that many times.
Good! I definitely don't like it, but I try to tolerate it! It's a real pain trying to coordinate something with her, like trip plans, because I may not get a reply for hours. Sometimes I will ask a question and she replies 2 hours later but misunderstood the question, so then I clarify what I was asking and it might be another 2 hours before I hear back. So it can take all day to have a very basic conversation. Very frustrating!
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Also absolutely correct in that her "me" time could be hanging with her GFs or anything else she wants it to be. And I'm totally supportive of that. It was just different in that now she is not providing to me any details.
Your GF sounds so much like mine. She doesn't share much about what she's doing either. She's just not very chatty in texting. She likes to wait until the next time we're together and THEN tell me what she did for the last couple of weeks.
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Very much as you say I need to relax, live my life and enjoy this in the moment. Since we had been going along seemingly happily and now all of a sudden seem to have hit a tough spot or at least a spot wherein she needs some time, it is challenging given my prior experience to not rush to "this is the end" type of conclusions.
Exactly. And I can very much relate to this.
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I'm going to detach, give her the space and time she needs, reply with my feelings when/if she reaches out to me and just go on with my life.
I hope you're doing well. Regarding your girlfriend it's hard when someone you love pulls back or becomes less available. It's still great and fortunate that you were able to discover that a romantic connection is possible after divorce. Considering you could potentially spend 40 - 50 years with this lady if the two of you get married it seems letting her go for a few weeks or months while she sorts out her own life is a short time to be apart in the grand scheme of things. I hope if you let her go in a supportive way she'll return with even more love and appreciation as her circumstances improve. You never know....but I guess many of us risk being too needy, or expecting too much, after being devastated by our spouses leaving.
So this is probably the biggest update I'll have made since my first post...
I am just back from my divorce hearing. Took about 15 minutes tops. XWW was there in the same room with me for the longest since she left. Bottom line the magistrate approved her request and it will likely be signed AND I'll be officially divorced by Wednesday of this week. Not feeling anything about it to be honest. I guess perhaps because simply put it's my past and I've already been living my future for some time now. No big celebrations or anything like that. My atty did high five me, but beyond completing the finality of this chapter of my life it felt out of place. Anyway I'm done and in about 48 hours or so, a twice divorced single father.
AS/Nicole...thank you both for your comments on the situation with my new girl. Since my last update she invited me to bring my sister to her place of business for a concert this past Thursday night. She had not met any of my family as of yet and as my sister lives far from me, the two of them having the chance to meet would have been difficult. We showed up, I introduced them and then my GF kissed me which surprised me given her texts to that time. We had a great time, my sister and her hit it off and as we left my GF and I kissed multiple times as well. Those actions on her part tempered my "WTH" is going on. Each day since my GF has texted me in the morning to tell me that she has been working like crazy. I reply in time to each of her texts, answering any questions she had, validating the stress she expresses to me about her work and then wishing her a good day.
Having been on this site, thankfully I have not been at all needy with her, no texting her all the time, "where are you?", stuff like that. I reply when if/she texts me and then otherwise I'm living my life, working on my new house and letting her be. No idea what will come of this, but I'm staying centered in myself and just moving me onward. I truly do hope she and I continue this relationship as I believe it has lots of wonderful potential, but I accept it's completely out of my hands. As with my XWW I'm letting her be as free as she has asked for and only time will tell. Sitting there at the courthouse this morning, thinking about this I said to myself "ya know if new girl isn't interested in continuing with me, then by all means please feel free to let me go, as I don't want to ever be sitting here again as I am now". And that's it really.
This morning I gave up D4 for the week. Then I went and gave up/ended my 2nd marriage. And I might be ending the new relationship that held so much promise before I want it to. I have had all kinds of love leave me and yet I've ENDURED. Perhaps that's what DB is at its core. Learning that no matter what heartbreak/hell you may have to go through, you by yourself are enough and can endure anything that comes at you.
Just want to thank all of you again for your support since I've been on here. Never had a single chance to save my MR so instead I saved myself. Not sure what awaits me going forward as I wrap this up, but I'm content, happy enough, have a family that loves me, a new wonderful home and above all the love of the most amazing little D4 I could ever imagine.
