What I do when cutting peonies for my house is that I cut them the night before and place them in a vase outside. The next morning...the ants are gone. This has worked for me every time. Actually, you need the root/bulb in order to repot/transplant them. You can do this in the fall or early spring. You will need to select one of your peonies and then dig it up and separate the "roots" and them replant/repot the roots into a pot for his mom. I have done this with the plants at my parents' home and I have some beautiful peonies that are quite old and yet still going strong.
I've split / moved the peonies a couple of times and yes - it is pretty straightforward. I have three different types but the ones in the front yard are particularly nice. Since his mother doesn't have a back yard I don't know if she'd have any place to transplant them to. Although she did dig up the rose bush from her grandmother's farm last spring - maybe it got planted at one of her siblings' homes.
I've not heard of that idea of cutting the peonies. I may try it as I do love how they look and smell. There are some common areas that are difficult for the cats to get to where I could display them in a bowl perhaps. An arrangement I got for B a couple of weeks ago is still going strong in the bedroom but it's a big house.
Originally Posted by job
Why do you think that B is nervous about your trip to Spain? It's not like you are planning to hook up w/someone else. Do you think it's because she will be on her own in your home?
There's an old joke of sorts that the second wife always goes on business trips. It's a new relationship. Trust is a difficult thing to relearn. For both of us in fact. I know that I'm having to work on it myself as B is still in close contact with her STBX and even still hears from a couple of guys that she had dated after she left. But it's like kml told me some time ago - wouldn't someone who cares be much better than someone who can discard?
Originally Posted by job
If I am out of line, please let me know, but doesn't B's son have siblings that could help out w/taking care of his children? Does he work on the weekends or is this his party time? Do you know if he shares custody w/the mother of his children? If so, they need to work out the care of the children. Unless you speak up, I see the little ones being at your home every weekend. As for you being busy every weekend...what about B? BTW, how can you be too busy on the weekends when you have little ones under foot unless she is hoping that you'll help take care of them.
B's son has sole custody. The mother is not a "fit mother" and the other option would be adoption which is where the boys were headed a year ago. It gets complicated fast so I won't go in to detail. There is a childless brother and his wife the next village over with the other brother and sister being a bit over an hour away in different directions. Again - without going in to too much detail, this son has burned a lot of bridges with his entire family - including to a large degree his mother and especially with his father. But B is a "fixer" and also his mother so she does what she can and is working on boundaries. She texted me a short while ago and she's also working on his laundry getting it all caught up so that he can stay on top of it himself.
I don't think that B has any expectation that I'll help much with the grand-kids as she takes her responsibilities seriously. They are very "busy" though and double-teaming them helps.
B though is very very tired of pretty much everything. She's really not had much of a break from other people's drama in probably a decade with the last few years being particularly difficult. She's made it plain to me that she is looking forward to living her life more for herself than for others. But old habits die hard. Both for her and for those who were dependent on her.
Originally Posted by job
She may make comments that she has no interest in remarrying, but I would put money on the bet that if she were legally free and you asked her....she would jump at that opportunity to say "yes". Why? Because you are a good man and no you do not look anything like Mr. Magoo.
Well - I'm not short at least
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Well colour me purple and call me a Heffalump. B called me as I was on my way home from work to let me know she had gotten GS2 / GS4 settled in and that S24 had gone out driving. With his mother.
When I got closer to home I texted him to let him know that I would park on the street and a few hours later he pulls in to the drive with his mother in the passenger seat. B and I were busily tidying the kitchen before bed after the kids were put to bed and I didn't actually see her but B did and I'm sure that she would have seen both our heads bopping around inside.
S24 parked his car, came in in a great mood and sat, visited, had a drink (he shared a taste of his rhubarb cider - different), browsed through the European vacation brochures and chatted with B about the European school trip he'd been on and the places she wanted to go.
Normal.
The kids had a mostly quiet night despite this being their first sleep-over here. GS2 is "very" busy and somewhat naughty and B keeps a tight rein on him. I was getting a bit overwhelmed in the kitchen where I was trying to make breakfast for myself while B was suggesting she would eat with me, nattering at me about some things we would be doing, asking opinions on dinner while GS2 was being noisily underfoot. I escaped to the office where Amy and I are enjoying some relative peace. GS4 is vegged in front of the TV watching cartoons on Netflix.
One of the things that stressed me out was that B went on the "well if things don't work out we'll always be friends" thing and wouldn't stop the first time I asked her. This was after I showed her a picture I got last night of an old (single and female) friend sent me of her and her mother on her mother's 90th birthday and also mentioned that I may meet up with some European friends when I'm in Spain who are also female. Full disclosure and honesty are important to me.
I'll head out shortly to do the errands on my own then around lunch we're going to head a couple of town over for their "touch a truck" event. A cool thing where the local emergency services and construction companies bring out their big equipment and allow kids of all sizes to climb all over them and ask questions.
Give me strength. Insta-families are tough.
B and I both agree that this is her last non-"us" weekend for a bit. Heck - we even had to wear PJs and sleep with the door open last night - only two night awakenings by the kids but we both slept pretty lightly.
I believe we're going to have a fire tonight and toast some weenies. B has said that she's going to make shrimp linguine for Sunday supper. The first one she'll have done. I'm not sure if the GK are going home before that or not.
Meanwhile Amy and I are enjoying the relative quiet. S24 was last heard snoring despite the slamming doors and loud complaints / commentary from the ankle-biter brigade.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
God bless you Andrew. I sure am not in the space for all that ruckus in my life right now. Just reading this made me uncomfortable - nothing against the kiddos, just that right now in my life I crave peace and quiet with every atom of my being ... I'm sitting with you and Amy, lol
Have a great time today. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
God bless you Andrew. I sure am not in the space for all that ruckus in my life right now. Just reading this made me uncomfortable - nothing against the kiddos, just that right now in my life I crave peace and quiet with every atom of my being ... I'm sitting with you and Amy, lol
Have a great time today. xoxoxo
LOL. I'm exhausted. And B is taking on the brunt of the effort. We took turns to shower yesterday. GS2 has been hyper. I actually had to raise my voice to them last night when they started charging through the back garden flower beds. B now has some lovely peonies in a bowl.
She is similarly exhausted. I don't know how she managed when it was the 4 of them in a small apartment. She is actually a consistent and effective disciplinarian as you would expect of someone who has raised 6 kids previously.
S24 is keeping a low profile as are the cats. I believe they are going home this afternoon. I have made sure though that B knows that they are welcome to come visit. I think that this house - so much bigger than they are used to along with a bunch of other new things are part of what is going on. Also - they're small boys. The good news is that "most" of the water stayed in the tub last night at least. They loved the bubbles.
This was part of the package I knowingly signed up for.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Well - I'm upset with myself. GS3 (previously mislabeled as GS2 - birthday was in May) is an annoying little sod. The continuous questions I can deal with but the constant grabbing and trying to take things, asking if he can do something and then doing it anyway after being told "no" did actually get to be too much for me. Especially since a number of the "no" things involved active destruction. I did manage to sew up B's favourite stuffed bear which was a gift to her from a dear friend on the birthday that she walked out of her former marriage.
The fact that he does it with a huge grin on his face as if he thinks he's getting away with it and is smarter than everyone else was super annoying. Junior narcissist in training perhaps?
So - I yelled at the kid. No hitting. I don't do that. I'd been relying on B to do the supervising and discipline but she had her hands full as well. After being told multiple times to not grab at things on the table he did it one too many times and I yelled and then picked him up and removed him from the situation. B showed up - completely unsurprised and took over.
Yes - I know the kid has a "lot" of issues and has been bounced around a lot in the 3 years he's been on this earth. And yes - he's 3. It's a thing. I'm upset with myself. And yes - him. Annoying little sod probably applies to a lot of 3 year olds.
B and I also had an argument when she insisted on doing dishes when I was wanting to do them alone and give her time to supervise the kids / relax. And also be alone to putter.
So - B got dressed while I supervised and then took the kids late this morning back home. She's not been able to get in touch with S39 though and so told me that she may well miss Sunday Supper. Grumble. The kids had a nap in the car and went to the park. GS3 was certainly waaay over-tired.
In her absence I did what I do when I'm upset. I cleaned. The living room was put back together, the random chip crumbs vacuumed from the rug and couch, the fridge and freezer emptied, scrubbed and re-organized. 2 loads of laundry including some very very small underwear has been washed and dried. And I did something important to me that B and I haven't found time together to do. I did my big annual visit to the graves of my ancestors and left them the last blossoms of fresh lilacs.
Well - thanks for the space for the rant. Time to get to my ironing. I have a bottle of Zinfandel in the fridge for B when she get home of she needs it.
We'll get through this. But - yeah - some days it's tough.
B and I both hope that once we get through June that things will settle down and we'll have some "us" time because TBH - we're perhaps seeing less of each other than when we were dating.
Time to get moving again. I did have about an hour in a tub with bubbles and epson salts. Highly recommended especially in the absence of small children.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Keep them busy or they'll keep you busy. Outings to parks and /or long walks will keep them out of your stuff and hopefully wear them out enough to be calm when they are home. Also keep them well fed and try your best to get them plenty of sleep.
Remember GS3 has had a chaotic life and who knows hat kind of chemical influences in the womb. Try to focus on positive attention. '
So you yelled at a 3 year old that very likely deserved it at the moment. Don't beat yourself up over doing what most of us likely would have done. You didn't lose it or haul off and smack him or something - you simply applied discipline. There's nothing to feel bad about. And if you want to adjust your response for next time - fine, but honestly I'm betting no adjustment is needed.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
3 year olds are little terrors. No matter their upbringing . Whenever I think about having another kid, I remember they have to be 3 years old at some point. Then my ovaries shut down. I feel too old for that at 39.
So cut yourself some slack. I imagine your relatively quiet home being taken over by 2 toddlers has to be a bit of a culture shock. It’s a hard adjustment .
Everyone who has weighed in already has said pretty much what I was going to. Cut yourself some slack. It has been a long time since your house has been bustling with little ones and you were younger then, so you had more energy to deal with it. Besides, little kids that age can be EXHAUSTING no matter what their upbringings have been like. I'm sure B is a loving, stable influence on them and that is great, but they are still at that age where they are into everything and questioning everything (what is this? how does this work? what does that do?......you get the idea). I don't really subscribe to that whole thing about kids will be kids because regardless of age, they should receive firm yet loving discipline to show them how to behave properly. I don't think 3 is too young to learn the right way and wrong way to act and it is certainly old enough to understand what "no" means. Don't sweat it, Andrew, you did fine. Good luck! This may be a big adjustment for you, but since B is a good disciplinarian, hopefully, it will be an easier transition than you think.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Andrew I will simply echo everyone else and also say that dealing with an insta-family has to be difficult. The only thing I would add is that a great tool in the arsenal of anyone dealing with three year olds (ugh, miserable age!!) is DISTRACTION. that can be your friend. In the meantime, pour yourself a scotch and put your feet up! xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
