I closed on a new home for myself and D4 and sold the marital home. In the middle of my sitch I had such mixed feelings about seling the house my D had known as her's, but felt nothing last Tuesday when I signed the papers. Progress I guess? Anyway D4 is very happy in our new place so I guess life goes on, one chapter closes and another begins. Abstract away all of the emotions our hearts and minds attach to people, places and memories and this entire process is that simple the procedure, process and progression of our lives whether we like it or know it or not.
Oh yeah and no words from WW for me again this year on Father's Day. Not surprised. What really was wonderful about it is how beyond realizing she didn't, is how little I cared compared to last year. Noted she didn't, but whatever. She'll continue to have her way towards me until she doesn't.
Now to shop for a ton of stuff needed for the new house. D4 and I are going to have a great time furnishing our new place!
It's always stressful going through selling and buying a home, hopefully you can get settled in now and enjoy it! Congrats on getting it taken care of! Happy Father's Day!
Congrats on the new house! Enjoy the fresh start!!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
so short and sweet I think me and new girl are done. simply put she's a workaholic, unable to establish for herself a balance between work, her family and time for herself. recently she's experienced high levels of work stress and while she tells me that she has fallen in love with me and everything about our relationship to date has been wonderful, right now she finds herself wanting more time by herself than with me. she will tell goodnight and that she loves me, but yet she feels she needs to work on herself and try to find a balance.
i have not been pushing for us to move at a faster pace or spend more time together. given we both are single parents when we have our children basically dictates when we can see each other. also i truly do understand how she could say she values more time by herself than with me as between her work being essentially 24/7 and being a single mother, she basically never has much time for herself. the real issue is work, obviously it's her livelihood and so not something she can snap her fingers and magically bring it into balance with the other demands/desire for her time, but i think she actually spends an inordinate amount of time above and beyond what is necessary or healthy for her to meet her work demands.
i'm supportive of her, once again as with my WW i find myself having to give her space and wondering what is going to happen. i'm torn between being more direct and expressing to her my confusion over what is happening and my feeling hurt OR keeping my mouth shut, giving her some time and swallowing whatever hurt i'm feeling from this. long term this is not a viable way for us to be. at incidents of work stress or life events for a healthy relationship neither one of us can simply recuse ourselves from our relationship and be off by ourselves. sadly i don't know where this is going to go, but i'm hoping for the best.
for now this is a vent of my current feelings on this. i plan to do what i know is all i can do, give her space, focus on myself and my D4, live my life for me and see how this ends up. thoughts/comments/suggestions are welcome.
Sorry to hear your latest update. You know the only answer to your question is to give her space. Sounds like she’s letting you down easy. If she misses you she will get in contact with you.
ballast - first off congrats on the new home, that is awesome! It will feel like home to D4 very very quickly, no worries there.
Regarding what you said about your current R:
Originally Posted by ballast
so short and sweet I think me and new girl are done. simply put she's a workaholic, unable to establish for herself a balance between work, her family and time for herself. -B
What are the chances that she is going to make the radical changes in her life and lifestyle necessary to achieve balance and free up adequate time and emotional capacity for a R with you, in addition to everything else she has going on?
Hey B, don´t hesitate to show her what your feelings are. It is where you are standing now. As LH says, maybe best course of action is to give her time and space so she should be able to figure out what kind of life she wants. But tell her how you feel about your R.
You are living your life B, D4 is there with you. Facing reality, eyes open.
(((B & D4)))
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
"What are the chances that she is going to make the radical changes in her life and lifestyle necessary to achieve balance and free up adequate time and emotional capacity for a R with you, in addition to everything else she has going on?"
so actually pretty good. workaholic was the wrong word for me to use. she works for a small company she cares deeply about that is dealing with personnel losses and lack of leadership. much like the cartoon where a boat springs leeks and the character tries to plug all the holes, that is her presently. she's been actively in IC regarding this issue for a long time and has been challenged by her IC to move the balance more to her time and further away from the demands of work, but given how she feels for this company it's a struggle for her. additionally, she's now at the mid point of her career in a niche industry that is fulfilling to her, BUT if she were to want to do something else, she as yet has no idea what that might be and I think she would miss her present line of work. lastly, she's apologetic to a fault as she knows clearly how her work demands limit her time for her family, herself and for her R with me. she feels guilty, but also stuck with no clear way out and basically is expecting that I'll run out of patience and bail out on her.
appreciate the comments from all of you. for sure I will give her time and space, enjoy settling into my place with D4 and see how this unfolds.
so yesterday I got "i'm busy, but i wanted you to know i've been thinking about you" and then several other questions about how the new house is coming. i answered her back as i normally would, but there was no us talk. she didn't ask and i know better than to bring it up.
at this point that old urge to do something is there, but i know better than to pursue. she is aware of how i clearly feel, it is she who has the questions. i will answer her as she contacts me, but i'm giving her the time and space to sort herself out. she will either get through this or we'll be done. it's out of my control. i'm not going to come off needy and push her away. i know my value, she seemingly knows my value and so the ball is fully in her court.
relationships are tiring. i'm tired of the fact that every lady i've come in contact with has been completely unable to find a work life balance. my WW couldn't do it married, miss sunshine was single, no kids and couldn't do it and now current lady single mom can't either. at times i think God keeps taking me back to "dude you would be so much better off without women" but i keep believing one out there somewhere could work.
