Yes man! No pressure there. The fact that you are talking about it means progress. I agree with Steve. Don’t take a No as an absolute rejection. It’s part of a rekindled seduction game for you both. Relax and take the time. Control expectations.
Good!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
No, this really wasn't ever totally about sex. If you don't believe me, you are missing the point.
All with respect and no over dramatized conjecture, W said she didn't see going back.
As can be imagined the discussion morphed into an R talk. I pointed out much positive that I felt had transpired without sounding like a sales pitch. W expressed fears and demonstrated a real composure of consideration. I also added that I didn't see continuing in a sexless R. That it had an effect on me and how sex was a cohesion within Rs and with this revelation, I was going to have to do some thinking.
Some interesting points: At one point W seemed very sad and I asked what she was thinking. She asked what would happen to D16 if she died tomorrow. She also expressed that sometimes she still gets very mad at me. W said she wanted the freedom to go and live as she wanted. I asked why she couldn't do this within the relationship. No answer.
Anyway, I'm still processing this info.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
RR, sorry to hear this development. At least now you know and can react accordingly. I am with you, a sexless marriage would be a no-go for me barring some kind of physical handicap that prevented it. I mean we all have sexual needs but that's not the real issue. A wife that doesn't -want- to have sex with her husband is checked out of the M and likely just staying in it out of some sense of obligation to kids or something. So where are you thinking you will go from here?
I know we haven’t always agreed on how to handle your situation but I am really sorry about the latest developments. From years of being on the board and reading many books, time and space are the only thing that heals hardened hearts.
When she talks about the freedom to live the life she wants I think she means dating other men.
I think it went well. I don't see anything negative other than she said: "not now". The honesty and consideration are progress. IMO.
React? I'm not changing anything. I plan to work the plan I said I would work. I will be out by the end of the year if the sex doesn't crank up, but we're only halfway there.
As for the meaning of W's words "W said she wanted the freedom to go and live as she wanted." Heck, I've had the same feelings on and off throughout this whole thing. This is a far cry from I really want another man. Besides her actions say otherwise. Who doesn't feel like running away and living a simpler life, once in a while?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
RR - I haven't read your whole sitch, but from what I gather, patience has been your thing. I do believe using patience as a prudent method. None of us here know your W and were there when you had that conversation. So, it seems to me that you're taking a very selective interpretation of what she meant by wanting to live her life freely. If she could do that within the marriage, she would've explained, but she didn't have an answer for that. I think LH's interpretation is closer to the truth, if not the actual truth. Just because she hasn't acted out on it yet, doesn't mean that it is not on her mind and her eventual plan.
Also, is the lack of sex the only issue? Are you otherwise happy with the relationship and her? What are you doing for yourself in this self-imposed limbo and timeline? If you want her stance to change towards you, what are you doing to improve yourself and make 'you' the attractive option? I am not trying to say that it all rests on you, but if you want to cultivate desire on her part, you also need to change the script up.
RR, in writing I think this came off more negatively than within context of the discussion. Now you know where you stand on the issue where before you did not. I think staying the course is the right approach, as this is a baby step in the right direction. Remember, WAWs, especially WWs, give up on their new dream very reluctantly and slowly. I think if you continue to stay the course she will eventually come around. I know you know this, but continue to gain her respect. Attraction will follow. She is moving in that direction, even if she isn't sure she's ready to give up the WW dream and embrace the positive changes that have occurred.
I think it is funny that she was moving out 5/18, here we are 6/19. That speaks volumes right there!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
We all know it´s not about the sex RR, it´s about MR. I agree with Steve too. Those where right direction steps. You both had a R talk. Wait for more of those.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
As for now, I agree with the positions of both Steve and Neffer.
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I think it is funny that she was moving out 5/18, here we are 6/19. That speaks volumes right there!
This also came up in the conversation. I shared how I had been waiting and wondering for a year and a half since she announced that discarded plan. She seemed perplexed.
Maika, All interpretations are selective. Given the bigger picture of Ws action and the ability and willingness to have this conversation, I view the transaction as a positive step. I'm not willing to accept it as overly optimistic, delusional dissonance. Knowing this person, in the past, it would have turned into a small battle when her feelings felt challenged. This was not the case. LH19, I don't disagree that distance and time would most likely expedite the process. At some point it may come to this.
Either way, it doesn't matter. I have committed to a plan and it was never contingent upon this conversation.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
