The cohabitation has begun. I need to talk to the lady at the post office across the street to let her know officially that there will be mail for another addressee showing up. B has given notice on her apartment effective the end of June.
Different vibe last night vs former sleep-overs. Another load of luggage has arrived and is largely sitting in the dressing room off the MBR. There is still a bunch of stuff at her apartment, her cottage, her mom's place and some at the former marital home. We are both nervous about all of this and the cats are confused. S24's opinions are unknown but he seems blase about it all.
The night went fairly smoothly. On sleep-overs she'd turned her phone off but it was on last night with many many texts and messages mostly from her kids going well on well after we knew we needed to be asleep to try to get our 8 hours before her 4:00 am alarm. She found the bed hot, I found it cold but found another warm body.
This house is a "lot" bigger than what she has been used to for probably a decade.
B only missed a few "essentials" which she was able to find substitutes for here. She liked having a kitchen just off the bedroom where she could go and make coffee and slip back in easily. Two floors here which is (I believe) different from what she is used to. There are lots of differences for both of us to what we're used to / experienced in our past long marriages.
She's told pretty much everyone in her life that she's moving in with her boyfriend. I've not spread the word very much although the extra car in the drive will be obvious to the neighbours. In talking, the days she won't be here will probably be outnumbered by the days she will be. I'm not setting any timelines or such around it. She's questioned what to bring / not bring and I've suggested to bring and then purge as appropriate and that we'll need to make a list of what will be needed. For example I only have 1 "regular" pot although I do believe that I own at least 2 whisks. Maybe 3 depending on the definition. Does just fine for a bachelor who mainly uses the frying pan and slow cooker. Most of her household stuff will be left for her son and grand-kids. They were in a 2 bedroom apartment with her son sleeping in the living room - he got her bed last night which I think dramatically decreases the chances of her using it again.
I think being nervous, uncertain and willing to make compromises and adjustments as well as holding firm on some things is healthy. I expect she is feeling the same way but probably a bit more uncertain because this is certainly at this point much more "my" place than her's / our's.
B has some errands to do after work and I'm working from home today. We may well go out for dinner tonight. I honestly hadn't done meal planning beyond some extra basics that I know she likes for lunches and such. Her weekend plans were set last night and she's spending Mother's day with her Mom and youngest son.
Well - back to work. I figured I'd best post an update and start a new thread so that job can lock the old one.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Why don’t you let her do some of the meal planning and grocery shopping? Let her buy stuff for her lunches. Might make her feel more like she lives there rather than a guest.
Have you guys discussed division of responsibilities, what bills she would be covering ? You can’t and shouldn’t do it all. I don’t think I would ever move in with anyone again unless we had some clear, yet flexible responsibilities in the home as to not breed resentment and to communicate and be on the same page.
Absolutely. B is actually planning on being domestic - perhaps more than what I might be comfortable with - we'll need to navigate that carefully as well as paying her fair share on the bills. She does say she's looking forward to both cutting the grass as well as making sure that I don't spend my evenings doing dishes and making my lunches when I come home.
We just don't know where lines are just yet so like when then S22 moved home, some best guesses were done as far as food and meal planning goes. I've suggested we wait for a bit before figuring out joint expenses to see how they change. I would expect her to kick in a few bucks for groceries the next time around or just pick up the stuff she needs on her own. As far as who cooks what / when / how - I have no clue.
Google Big Bang Theory Roommate Agreement
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
It´s always a pleasure to read your posts Andrew. I´m enjoying reading about your new status. I´m really happy for you man, you deserve all of what´s happening.
By the way, I agree with Job, Dawn and Ginger. Just to increase voters...
Enjoy your present Andrew!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Well, that happened quicker than you were expecting but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm sure y'all will figure out how to navigate the waters as you go. It isn't like neither of you have been married and/or cohabitated before so you are prepared for compromises and such. Just remember to communicate openly and honestly. You are a natural caretaker so it will be easy for you to want to do everything but be honest with her about how she can make things easier for you, whether it is helping cook or do dishes or whatever. Y'all can divide the labor, so to speak, in a way that works for both of you.
I know I have advocated for S24 being more independent and moving on for some time and this might be the "push" he needs to do that. I'm thrilled for y'all. Enjoy! I LOVE what neffer said above....."enjoy your present!" That is the best line I have ever read on this whole forum!!!!!!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Since I have 3000 hours of flying time, I don't think I would ever want to fly without instruments.
No - I'm a sailor. I prefer that if things break that I just get wet. Although I do know how similar bits of shoreline can look and instruments can be helpful there too.
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Minor update - B and I were talking this morning over breakfast about one of her kids and some of the issues that he's having. It was interesting because a short while ago - when we were talking cohabitation - I made sure to send her an article on the thebillfold dot com called The F@ck Off Fund - which I highly recommend. She herself is planning on making having savings that include first and last month's rent a priority and I was surprised that she has shared this with at least one if not more of her own kids who she has some concerns about their cohabitation situation.
We also had an uncomfortable to me but not her chat this morning after her alarm went off and we were coming up with reasons why we didn't want to get up about past sexual /dating history. B is "very" open about at least much of her past and I go along for the ride. I think she's still surprised that I had nothing at all since my ex-wife - not even hand holding. I was in turn surprised that she only had two since her separation - each of which she said was a one-time event and one of them on a second OLD event that she said she was a reluctant participant in.
I did get a firm timeline though. Feb 2017 - moved out of MBR after discovery of second affair and announced she wanted a divorce, Sep 2017 - moved out of marital home and first encounter shortly after (unrelated), Oct 2018 second and reluctant encounter which turned her off dating and then we met in Feb 2019.
Not that it matters.
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B has plans with her youngest for Mother's day - at least through the day so I'm not sure if she'll be coming to her first Sunday Supper or not. I of course have no idea if S24 will be with his mother. I'll need to ask if he'll be home for dinner before I do any plans. No sense cooking for 3 if there will only be 1. My own mother passed quite a few years ago so really I don't have any motherhood to celebrate
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Since I have 3000 hours of flying time, I don't think I would ever want to fly without instruments.
Had to jump in since I never like to miss any airplane talk. I've been an instrument rated pilot since 1992. Not near as many hours as you, at about 1,100, but sadly I've not been PIC since 2009. Sold my share of a Cirrus SR22 shortly after. I miss it but not enough to get back in the game. A lot of great memories though. Hmmmmm sorta sounds like my love life as well.
Anyhow, I'd never fly without instruments either but for some they love the thill or perhaps don't want to consider the very real possibility of crashing and burning. Interesting relating the two.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Well - this is out of left field - I just heard through the rumour mill that my ex is "happy for me". That answers a number of questions that don't really matter.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
