Destroyed if you are looking for validation. Look for it in the same sex first. Then try the woman's side they feel and think, process, and perceive things way differently then we do. If I can recommend a good book to many others here. Should I Stay or Should I Go, or I think its called Too Bad To Stay Too Good To Leave. A lot of insight from a woman's perspective, but I warn you, it may bring up a lot of guilt and shame when it points our some of the things we were, or were not doing,
The guilt and regret of all the things I should have done differently really depress me. I will just never know if I could have prevented this. I still think this is all about her, and I didn't know about her unhappiness until too late. But the regrets do really get you down. I talked to a coworker today, and she was really taking the woman's side. This got me down when I was just looking for a friend.
The past is past. You can't change it. You can only resolve to do better from this point forward. So don't dwell on the past. Look to the future and how you want the future Destroyd to behave! This is why our sitches are such a huge opportunity. To improve and be the best we can be from this point forward. The guy I am today is so much better than the guy I was 2 years ago.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It was a tough weekend with my wife away for the weekend. I surrounded myself and kids with family, so that was nice. I did not text wife all weekend, except to respond to her texts. I wanted her to get a weekend away. Now it is the struggle of a new week. I pray for focus and productivity.
Texts that are not questions do not need to be responded to. Texted questions should be answered in as few words as possible. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers.
This helps from saying too much.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yoga (there are lots of Youtube videos but a real life class is better) exercise, I run a lot but also went back to swimming, I found that quite soothing Reading (be careful what you read) Go out with friends and do stuff even if it feels pointless Go new places and do new things Listen to podcasts Get out in nature
I think I'm a few months ahead of you (BD last September) and it's probably only quite recently that I've actually started feeling like life is sometimes worth living. That dark place doesn't last forever thank goodness, though there are still some bad moments. Look back sometimes and see how far you've come and how much stronger you are now than when you started.
How did you guys deal with the loneliness and depression? It is so difficult to cope with.
Drugs, alcohol and questionable women. KIDDING! I reached out to old friends I hadn't talked to in a while. Talked to them, texted, made lunch and dinner dates. Found out many of them had been through the same thing, it was cathartic talking to people face-to-face that really understood. Tried making some new friends too. Worked out religiously, it was great for taking my mind off of things and making me tired enough to sleep. Threw myself into hobbies that had been dormant for a while. Took the kids to the park or movies or out to eat or whatever. Just tried getting out of the house as much as I could. Even with all of that it still takes time to adjust, so you have to be patient with yourself.
I have to figure out some new hobbies that I can do while still living with my spouse. I am still living my life being Mr. husband and dad. The truth is I love that life. Unfortunately, it is out of my control as to whether I can still have that life.
I have to figure out some new hobbies that I can do while still living with my spouse.
Have you ever tried remote controlled planes? It's a lot of fun and would give you a good excuse to leave and go to the park. These days you can buy ready-to-fly setups for pretty cheap, and they fly quite nicely. I'm a very advanced R/C pilot, have been doing it 30 years and fly anything you can imagine from hexicoptors to planes to powered kites to ornithopters. It's really therapeutic.
