He left 2 months saying he wants a divorce. I’m mentally ill which is why he left. I was in treatment but stupid me didn’t want to take any more pills. Right after he left I thought well I’m going to need that anti depressant now. I knew I was depressed but overall I felt ok and was managing. Any a funny thing happened I felt amazing!! My kids noticed and told my husband. This was early on when he was still angry. I should mention we’ve been together for 30 years and have 3 teenagers. In the beginning of month 2 I stupidly tried to give him an alimony. I came to my senses and agreed to his offer (on the phone, nothing signed). He was happy with me. I asked for a 2nd chance citing my new med and what a difference it had made. He said solidly no but did say he was curious. A week ago we had to see each other for kids awards and graduation. I asked again for another chance (I will not ask again). This time he at least didn’t snap at me. I got a shaky maybe. Talked to him on the phone later and said if the answer is no please tell me. Don’t give me false hope or lead me on. This time I got a more sincere sounding maybe.
He’s miserable because our kids have kinda disowned him. One won’t talk to him at all. He sends desperate texts, flowers, cards and she doesn’t care. She’s done unless he comes home. This is our 16 year old daughter.
Signs that might be positive.
Sends pointless texts Gives me money and $200 for my birthday (doesn’t have to do either) Wonders where I’m going if he sees me out Hasn’t filed despite us agreeing (btw once I backed down he offered me more). We don’t have much to agree on. Will answer texts and calls (rare because I don’t do this) Is mean when I pressure him. Nice when I don’t. I don’t now. Giving him lots of space Texts me for advice (random text)
It’s too soon for last resort but I will do it. Right now I’m doing kind of a gray. Wait to answer. Give short answers. I’m struggling with those. If he smells a hint of manipulation he runs. Mostly we don’t text much so this is a non issue.
I’m ok with divorce if thats what he wants. Since the kids hate him they (at least 2) will stay with me. Kids keep me busy and happy. I want my husband back yes but that’s not up to me and I know I’m the reason he left.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just now I screwed up. I’m learning. I predicted his first text would be about mowing the lawn. We are in a rental and the lease isn’t up until November 1. The few times he’s seen me I’ve been happy. I’ve got the kids and my life is full. My kids and I have gotten so much more closer. He is miserable and yeah this makes me happy.
Ok where I screwed up. He asked about the lawn. I said yes it needs it. He then asked about a bill and ugh I did this suck up thing. I won’t do that anymore. It’s all business from now on.
Those 2 texts as usual upset me. I think I need to go dark until I pull myself together. I was doing okay for the week I didn't hear from him. These random texts mess with my head. Done with school, awards ceremonies and high school graduation. There really isn't any need for communication right now. If he files he can send the papers to my attorney.
I understand why he wants to divorce me.
Did anyone give a 2nd chance because of kids? Our 16 year old daughter isn't going to speak to him anytime soon. She's going to be one of those kids who won't talk to him for years.
Did anyone give a 2nd chance because of kids? Our 16 year old daughter isn't going to speak to him anytime soon. She's going to be one of those kids who won't talk to him for years.
You understand what he has said?
Breaks #1 rule to believe nothing he says and half of what he does.
I doubt the kids will have much effect. Your trying to think about this logically and normal logic does not work.
I wish people who posted here would come back and give the rest of the story. You read these long threads and then it just ends. Did they divorce and no need to come back? Probable reason I guess.
You know it's hard not to think about my husband right now. Its a gorgeous day, a day where we'd normally be out doing something. I wonder what he is doing. I know I shouldn't. My kids say he is unhappy. Does not mean he will come back though. His unhappiness is temporary the same as mine is.
Sometimes I have these strange gut feelings that this isn't over. Time is on my side right? Then I remember how angry he was when he left. He's still angry. He said he'd consider giving me a 2nd chance but don't believe what he says. He said he needed time.
kas, hang in there. There is always a chance. I like to tell LBSs that talk about how little there is of a chance of their WAS changing their mind that it already happened once.
The WAS stood before God, church, and friends and committed to their spouse. But at some point changed their mind. If it happened once, it can happen again.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I suffered from major depression for most of my life. After EMDR and a good counselor and a lot of prayer I have not had any issues in 2 years!! I say that because how I was able to get to where I am is that I took the bull by the horns and got help for myself. My H BD was the thing I guess I needed to get to the bottom of it. I had tried to get help before (meds for 7 yrs. different therapists..etc.) but when it didn't help, I'd give up. When H BD I realized that it was down to me and I couldn't rely on him anymore for anything. Security, happiness, comfort...nothing! So emotionally I am in a fantastic place now.
I hear you going back and forth like a wave tossed in the ocean as you write. What helped me was not trying to figure it out and not basing what I would do based on his emotions. For instance, if H wants a divorce, that doesn't mean that I want one, too. If he decides to return, that doesn't mean that I am in a position to take him back. My life cannot revolve around what he does/says. Period. I'm no vet here, but I've read the books and am walking this out. One thing I have learned is that I need to be a rock right now because a ML spouse or WAS is flying off the rails and someone needs to be steady.
All my best to you. I'm sorry you are here. Take one day at a time and don't forget to breath. Very important ; )
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
