Thanks, and I agree even after what we went through 5 years ago, then drugs, I never was the divorce person either, but sometimes you just have to throw in the towel and realize you cant change a person's nature, only they can.
One of the groups I belong to has a good quote I've been tossing around in the ol noodle: you can't control or change your spouse, you can only control and change yourself. Time to focus on me and the kids for awhile, drama free (as low as I can possibly get that lol).
you can't control or change your spouse, you can only control and change yourself. Time to focus on me and the kids for awhile, drama free (as low as I can possibly get that lol).
This is exactly where you need to be...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Thanks mtb. I have done the hard reflecting on myself and changed some of my short comings....still working on a few but progress is progress.....over the last yr. She wants even more time which she hasnt even begun to do (and makes excuses why she cant now) to make those reflections. I told her you had almost a year (since her exit affair only lasted 2 months), you should have done it then instead of going out and "doing me and having fun"...we all know what that means.
ok so last night once i got home was weird and looking to see if anyone had anything similar happen.
We didnt speak much to each other, other than pleasantries, and kid stuff. Ate dinner. She started getting ready for work. She calls me in to the bathroom to use the massager (shower head) on her lower back. OK, not a big deal, then she calls me back in to put icy hot on while she is still naked (weird?). She gets dressed and in middle of putting makeup on she calls in yet again and says we should prolly sit down Saturday and talk...well yeah we should. So I go to gym at same time she leaves for work and this is where it got weirder.....she pauses for a sec waiting for her goodbye kiss. Uh, wait what???? W: what your not gonna kiss me? M: after what I told you earlier you still want a kiss? (with a completely dumb founded look on my face) W: ok fine, if you dont want to kiss me, I dont want one anymore.
Breadcrumbs, dude. Believe nothing she says and only half of what she does. She's just trying to maintain control and keep you attached. Think nothing of it and keep DB'ing...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Thats what I was figuring as well. I dont think she like losing the control aspect and she will start to realize this is what I want now and there isnt nothing she can do to stop the process.
Just wait for the proverbial poo to hit the fan when she realizing you're not willing to play her game. They don't like it when you don't follow their rules. Just focus on what's best for you and your kids. If she wants to straighten up and join you on the journey, she will. Until then she's no concern of yours. Just do what's right and be the type of person only a fool would leave. Even if you decide you don't want to be with her, you can't go wrong living your life that way...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Inevitable happened....I backslid. Found out day I told her I still wanted divorce, she already had someone in waiting she moved out of "friend zone". Found out through FB as she never came home one night, apparently she posted she was in Dayton with new bf. New bf after a week of talking and 2 dates? Wtf kinda person does that? Since then I have also lost my job and struggling to find a new 1. I have 2 options ATM....take a huge paycut of look for employment in other cities n miss out in my kids lives as she would never let them leave the area.
Additionally, I have had to start documenting her coming and going again as she seems to think that since I'm not working she can up n leave anytime she wants to go to lunch, dinner, or dates with the new guy. Last night for example....got a text at 5pm saying I'm not coming home tonight n I'll b back around 2pm tomorrow. Pissed me off something fierce....I am not a damn babysitter.
She had to get some medicine for her inner ear infections, n was not to happy that I informed kids of where she was gonna b....forgot to mention that she kept putting off telling kids what was going on. It was my weekend without them so I went n stayed with a friend Saturday. Came home Sunday n found out she told them everything....what was going on, who she was talking on the phone with all the time, she would b moving out, everything.
So when she came home she wasn't to happy that I told the kids where she was staying n I had no right to do that... apparently she expects me to lie to them n that's ok.
I don't know y this time seems harder than last time, prolly cuz I don't have e work to distract me n I'm home with my thoughts. My cars motor is fixed n everything around house is done. 0 motivation to get back to gym last week, gonna try this week.
I did kinda meet someone who seems to care about me, but it's not fair to her u til I can let my stbxw go.
