That place was a lot of fun! Glad he was open to it.
G..we do what we know. It's our comfort zone even if we know it is not in our best interests. It is something I have to work on everyday. It comes easier now...this not always doing whatever everyone wants if it isn't what I want. But I can easily fall back into who I was.
R calls me out on it sometimes. LOL.
I get it, though...because of your past relationships, you are fearful of this ending. But that isn't really a way to navigate through a relationship, ya know?
It's a process..this. Dont be too hard on yourself.
Remember who you are, what you have survived, what you have accomplished...and your brains, sense of humor, kindness and beauty inside and out.
There is nothing more attractive than someone who knows their worth and what they bring to the table.
We had our day out with meet the friends. A few couples came and one just happened to be there I didn’t know that was friends of friends, yet that guy actually knew M. They work in the same hospital. Small world . One couple brought their 2 young girls and one just LOVED M. She cuddled up on his lap and just laid there. Everything went great and he told me he had a lot of fun. We went to dinner together on the way back, and also stopped to check out an air show going on.
Observations: he studies people hardcore and said a few things, nothing mean or too Judgy at all, but this guy analyzes. He’s good in social situations and eases right in like I do, which is good. Everyone seemed to like him and approve of him. I’m so glad we did it.
It’s a beautiful day here and it’s my 3 day birthday weekend. He left 2 hours ago...... it’s Sunday, and we know sundays aren’t for me! Honestly, I hate it. I wish we could have gone to the beach or kayaking today, but he is yet again working on his truck and putting new lights in. I don’t know that I’m cool with never spending a Sunday together . I wish he want to. ( he did in the beginning) I guess some sort of compromise might have to come somewhere along the lines. But it does stink for me. I understand he spent all day yesterday with me and he’s doing the birthday dinner thing with the fam tomorrow night and I can’t monopolize it all.
Anyways, I’m not wasting this day. Might not be doing exactly what I want, but the ex is giving me a pool tag and I’m going to go buy myself a new book, and bring it to the pool and enjoy my own company. And my cousin is taking me to dinner tonight.
Oh, and we never took a picture . So nothing to post. Neither of us are picture takers. More live in the moment people. Maybe tomorrow
And funny story about my ex and his wifey. My ex was hurt at work and he will be out u til July. He has to be home during the hours of 9-4:30pm. His wife works from home sometimes. He said it was too painful to sit in the folding chairs so he didn’t make it to D11’s spring concert. It was my friend and I and we sat behind the wifey and his mom. She’s javbering on about what a pain in the butt my ex is and how it’s driving her crazy having him here. All i could do is laugh. I said “yeah, I know it all too well” then she starts complaining about my ex sister in law . She uses grandma to babysit all the time and doesn’t share grandma. She said you know “exit gets what she wants when she wants” which was actually an issue in our marriage because he treated his sister more like a wife than me. Anything she wanted she got, and me? I was just a pain in the butt.
I have to admit, I felt slightly vindicated there. But not my problem anymore!
Oh, and sad thing is, D11 did say to me that everyone uses grandma and no one is ever nice to her and she thinks it’s so wrong. At least she knows right from wrong.
Currently sitting by myself at the pool. Still do hate the off-limit Sunday’s but hey,I’ll entertain myself!
I’m glad your having a good weekend and I get your feelings that go along with the time/spaces issues.
I have a theory that. selfish husbands that leave their wives come from enabler/codependent Moms (and often dads with problems the moms put up with) I would love to know what the moms are like of all the walkaway husbands. I’m just hearing it so much!
Thanks juju! My cousin took me out for dinner tonight which was nice. I made a nice day out of today. But I just couldn’t help feeling like I wanted to spend such a beautiful day ( at least part of it) with M it stinks. I haven’t even heard from him since 3pm.
My ex’s mom is a doll. She’s a late -life schizophrenic but is just fine now that she is finally properly medicated and monitored. She has a heart of gold, was an extremely loving and involved mom. But treated like complete poop by their dad. He cheated and cheated often. He didn’t even marry the mom until they were pregnant with their third child ( my ex) she is a people pleaser and doesn’t say no and doesn’t defend herself against the abuse her own children hands out to her. The daughter she helps so much is very mean and disrespectful to her and she does t say a word. You would hope my ex would want to treat women better than his mom was treated, but nope, he followed more in his mom’s footsteps . All the kids are mean people .
It’s a shame.
I bought the book men are from Mars and women are from Venus. The only self help book I ever read was divorce busting. I realize I really don’t know how to do a healthy relationship. I want to nurture this one. I want to be a better communicator. I don’t want to hold stuff in anymore To keep the peace. I want my needs understood and I want to understand his.
I just don’t know how to relationship it turns out. Sometimes I’m so happy, then days like today I feel kind of angry. Y cousin was asking what we were looking at for the future, I.e moving in, marriage... are we on the same page? I honestly don’t even know. I need to drop my fears and discuss stuff. Because when you ignore your own needs you become resentful and that is not healthy
Happy Birthday! I am glad to read that your cousin took you out for dinner. I'm sorry M wasn't around yesterday.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I thought Monday was your birthday (I just didn’t think I would have time to post today)
Yup. I’m finding that when the sons see mom as having no boundaries or giving too much - they end up leaving their wives. I don’t know the psychology behind it. Maybe they see their wives have boundaries and don’t like to be called out on their bad behavior (my ex)? But I hear this a lot.
I think a person that puts up with cheating or addiction is an enabler and codependent. They enable bad behavior instead of putting a stop to it. They put the other person ahead of themeselves. My ex MIL worked full time, had an immaculate home, and took care of son. I remember, she would put all this work into dinner and Her husband would just leave the dinner table when he was done to watch tv and then she would go serve him dessert downstairs . (He has left her for other woman when her son was little and the common joke was how he was out fishing while she was giving birth). She excused all this because he came from a broken home and didn’t know anything else and she always felt bad for him. She was Always doing things for everyone else and I think it’s because she wanted them to love her. I don’t necessarily think this is a heart of gold trait. More like a way to control trait. It’s very dysfunctional.
I think you communicated well with M. You did voice your desire for time on Sundays and he voiced his needs for Space. I think you weighed the other pros and felt like this was something you were willing to concede on ? If so, let it go. Do things on that date that make you feel great. Friends/nails/ a massage/ exercise.
But just observe if he’s willing to concede on other issues. Is it always you that is compromising? Or does he compromise as well? This takes time and a bit of standing back to see.
The key thing here is the introvert/extrovert thing. You need to stop seeing this as a rejection and start making social plans for yourself on Sundays to get your needs met too.
You DO have a tendency to interpret too many things as a personal rejection, but you know that already.
I was a little upset because he didn’t say happy birthday to me this morning. I had to pretty much point it out. So I decided to be open and tell him that it may be dorky, but I actually like my birthday and I feel like it’s the one day a year it’s about me and it’s important to me. I said this year is extra special because I am in a relationship with someone I love and it’s been forever since that has happened. He said he understood and he is the opposite because he is not a birthday person. I told him I figured as much so I figured I should just be open and honest.
He got me 2 very special birthday presents. Ones that indicAted he was listening. We were looking at this artist who made glass jewelry and I told him how much I liked it. And I also told him my favorite stone was opal. He got me a necklace from that artist and opal earrings. Plus beautiful flowers. And a very nice card in which he wrote he hopes he gets to spend many more birthdays with with me.
I do believe he loves me. Absolutely. I just think he expresses it in the ways he knows. I am going to try to be open and honest, but gentle to guide him.
He met the fam tonight! My dad sure can talk and tell stories and he listened so patiently. And it was actually very nice to hear my dad bragging on me to him. I think he is in this for the long run. And we may be 9 months in, but we still learn stuff about each other .
Also, even just around my daughter who knows all about us, he wouldn’t hug or kiss me. Today, he had no problem with it.
This stuff is hard to navigate. But I will keep on trying. Because I know I love him and he loves me
