Ok so I'm conflicted, I found out who the guy is. She's been going to a hotel with him while he's away for work. He's 17 yes older, married 25 yrs, 2 kids and a grandkid. I feel like I should tell his wife what's going on. I'm guessing this isn't the first time and if he's been going around doing this she's at risk of many things and I don't feel that's right. From what I know of her she doesn't deserve this at all. Thoughts?
M(32) W(30) Together 12yrs Married 2yrs ILYBNILWY 11/23/18 EA Discovered 3/20/19
In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19 W Moved out 3/20/19 M Moved out 5/31/19 W Filed for D 3/3/2020
That's a tough predicament Mikey. I can totally understand how you want to detach, and let WW make their own choices, on the other hand, I see your point about WW potentially catching an STD. Although by reaching out to OM's W You might nip the A in the budd. You will still be "controlling an outcome. Do we let the WW be an adult? Or do we protect them for their own health's sake? Sandi? Input?
Not everyone here will agree but I would tell his W. Send her an email from a throwaway address or mail a letter with no return address or something anonymous just to let her know, and that's it. Don't tell her who you are or try to start a conversation, just inform her and leave it be. What she does with the info is her business. I suspect she already knows and chooses to turn the other cheek, that's often the case.
Decided to just tell the W that I know and give him an opportunity to come clean. I don't really want to be the one to mess with someone else's feelings when he's clearly already doing that himself. She tried to say they are separated, but was all over the place with "I don't know; yes she knows; no; their separated; oh you just want to ruin his life (what's there to ruin if their separated?);etc..." Got the feeling he's only telling her their separated which is why they are only getting together when he's got a hotel room for work. And I just left it at that: I KNOW, she couldn't believe that I knew and since I did she stopped denying it. I'm more and more to the point where I don't want her anywhere in my life anymore so really don't care what she thinks at this point. Tomorrow is her bday and I strongly feel like I shouldn't even say a happy bday to her, but yet... There is still this little part of me that wants to be nice to her.
On a side note, I haven't spent any time with the W friends kids in a few months, let alone actually even see them. Was really starting to miss them so I reached out and asked her if I could spend a day with them one of these weekends before I leave town and give them a proper goodbye of sorts as I never know if I'll see them again after all this. She agreed so I don't know what day yet but I'll get to spend some time with them which will be nice, but heartbreaking bat the same time.
M(32) W(30) Together 12yrs Married 2yrs ILYBNILWY 11/23/18 EA Discovered 3/20/19
In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19 W Moved out 3/20/19 M Moved out 5/31/19 W Filed for D 3/3/2020
Now that you confronted W about it, will it help you get to where you need to be?
The whole saying happy birthday or not is trivial. Let’s say you move on and in 5 years from now the new you bump into her on the street, what would that guy say? Right now you’re dealing with the hurt from what’s happening.
I wouldn’t go out my way to call her. If you see her in passing then sure.
That fire stick was a lot to say if you are done. Then you confront her about OM and she defends the other guy saying you are trying to ruin him? This is your W taking to you like this?
If you are truly done, this could be the break away moment for you. If you’re emotional from it, give yourself some time to cool off and become level headed.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Decided to just tell the W that I know and give him an opportunity to come clean.
Not sure what you mean by that, but it's not your job to make him "come clean", that's his mess to worry about. You've got a big enough mess with your wife engaging in an affair. What are you going to do about THAT is the real question. If you're pinning hopes on exposing everything and breaking up her affair so that she will run back into your arms, well it rarely if ever happens that way. Usually the WAS just resents the LBS for it and goes deeper with the A, or goes out and finds OM2, OM3, etc.
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She tried to say they are separated, but was all over the place with "I don't know; yes she knows; no; their separated; oh you just want to ruin his life (what's there to ruin if their separated?);etc..."
An affair is an affair is an affair. She's married to you and messing around with an OM, that is an affair. It doesn't matter whether he's married, single, or separated. He's banging a married woman and as such he's the filth of the earth in my opinion.
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Tomorrow is her bday and I strongly feel like I shouldn't even say a happy bday to her, but yet... There is still this little part of me that wants to be nice to her.
Say it or don't say it, at the end of the day it doesn't really matter much. I like Adam's idea of saying it if you cross paths with her, but not going out of your way to say it to her.
Ok so I'm conflicted, I found out who the guy is. She's been going to a hotel with him while he's away for work. He's 17 yes older, married 25 yrs, 2 kids and a grandkid. I feel like I should tell his wife what's going on. I'm guessing this isn't the first time and if he's been going around doing this she's at risk of many things and I don't feel that's right. From what I know of her she doesn't deserve this at all. Thoughts?
My WW cheated with her boss. They were using company funds to finance their stays at these amazing resorts. OM and WW would think of any reason for her to have to travel and they would add two days on at a resort and expense it. OM is also married, 20 years older than my WW, has children that are still in grade school and has adult children with grandkids.
I took everyones advice and didnt tell her work, confront OM or tell his wife. I don't care about OM. Yes, he was part of what happened, but my WW was the one who made the decision to betray me. That falls solely on her. I told my WW good luck having an R with someone who cheats on his wife and thinks its ok to sleep with married women. I am sure he will change just for her. Yeah right.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
So i did text her happy birthday before i seen eveyones responses. She responded with hostility, tried to say i wont be able to see her friends kids to give my goodbyes etc... I reached back out to her friend about this and she said she wont keep me from seeing them just doesnt want her kids being drilles about stuff they dont know. Im sure my W put that thought in her head. Everything i know about the affair i found on my own, i have not and will not drag anybody else into this to get details, especially children.
M(32) W(30) Together 12yrs Married 2yrs ILYBNILWY 11/23/18 EA Discovered 3/20/19
In House separation 11/26/18 - 11/29/18 & 1/10/19-3/20/19 W Moved out 3/20/19 M Moved out 5/31/19 W Filed for D 3/3/2020
Lets look at this from both sides. You're Morals and Principles? Or Her Feelings? Hmmm? Take some time Mikey. In fact. Take a lot of time to measure yourself whether its worth it. Do you want to keep your distance and be the lighthouse? Or do you want to go and end it torwards D?
