Actions.... You already talked... Now do the walk... He will figure out why - actions speak louder than words .
BD: Wife says "its over" 11th august 2018. EA: June 2018 PA: August 2018 - ongoing Status: Taking turns 7 days a week to be in the house w. kids WW: no regrets, seems happy with leaving.
I did it. I moved all of H's things out of the MBR and into the guest room. It felt pretty good. I made sure to rearrange furniture and hang some things up to give the room a new look. I don't want to look at the empty space that used to be, just a new space that is mine. It feels a bit strange, and I am sad of course, but I could not look at his things any longer. He wants to separate, then we need to live separately, even if it's under the same roof for now.
I like it. Why do I like it? because your reply only contained two sentences where you mention your H.
This shows me, that you are thinking about this in the right way - This is something you do for YOU. Not to get an reaction, not to expect anything. But for you to move on to the next plateau and stop yourself from stalling.
What is your planned response when he returns?
BD: Wife says "its over" 11th august 2018. EA: June 2018 PA: August 2018 - ongoing Status: Taking turns 7 days a week to be in the house w. kids WW: no regrets, seems happy with leaving.
When H comes home tomorrow and discovers his things have been moved I think I will simply tell him that I thought it would be easier, we could both have more privacy when getting dressed, etc.
I'm still not sure I did the right thing. I'm sure he won't be happy about it, I probably should have let him do it himself, but I needed to do it for me. It hurt too much to look at all of his things, it was just a reminder that he was not there. He considers us separated, we need to live that way. Perhaps it will be a bit of a wake up call, perhaps it will push him out the door even faster. Who knows?
Meanwhile.... he is still texting me, checking in, hope you had a good day.... blah blah blah. I responded with "I did, thanks." Why does he continue to do this?
Dont even explain it to him. You have nothing to explain. Your actions speak for themselves.
Stop responding to his texts. Its pointless. He needs to feel the loss of your interest. If he asks a dorect question about something important. Sure, respond, but wait a while. If he is just making small talk. Ignore it.
Actions, not words.
And you showed assertiveness. Stop doubting yourself. Do what makes you feel better. Stop worrying about his reaction. You didnt do that to punish him. You did it because you want him away from you.
If je does ask, keep it short. "We are separated, so I need MY personal space"
Last edited by SoTorn; 05/06/1901:55 AM.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
And you showed assertiveness. Stop doubting yourself. Do what makes you feel better. Stop worrying about his reaction. You didnt do that to punish him. You did it because you want him away from you.
If je does ask, keep it short. "We are separated, so I need MY personal space"
Thank you ST. You are correct. I actually thought about it for some time, our conversation just gave me the push I needed. I did not do this to punish him, it was not out of spite. I do want him to understand that, but he will think whatever he wants to think.
How do you know if your spouse is leaving crumbs, plan B-ing you, or if it is truly from the heart. I guess in our situations you always assume it is the former, right?
H was upset that I moved his things out of the MBR. Not that I did it, but that I didn't tell him. I validated his feelings. At first he said he was going to move asap, but after calming down he said he understood why I did it.
He told me, "I never said our relationship was over, that I wanted to end things. People separate, work things out, and get back together." We talked abut how hard it is to navigate through life when there are memories everywhere you look, every corner you turn. He said that the good memories far outweigh the bad. About our dream of owning a summer home, he said "we may still have that, who knows?" That his biggest fear is that he will leave, want to return in a month or two, and that I will have moved on, and he will realize what a mistake it was, that he will lose..... Plan B, right?
He also stated that I don't know anything about his relationship with OW, he said, "Maybe it's over with her, maybe I ended it."
Believe nothing, right?
I honestly think he is depressed. I asked him and he said maybe he is, that he just feels numb inside, and he has probably been depressed for 20+years. This is not the first time we have discussed this, but it was the first time he admitted it.
I'm trying not to fall into a trap here....Trying not to gobble up those crumbs. I will continue to do my thing, GAL is good for me.
Look, at the moment he doesn't even have the respect for you to tell you whether he is still seeing OW. WTF is 'maybe'- in cheater language it's 'yes'
CSL I so could have written this exchange. I had many very similar conversations.
He is frightened that he is going to end up with nothing. What a horrible thought for him. Down from 2 women to none. His relationship with OW is on shaky ground so he'd better keep you in the background whilst he sees how things pan out.
Carry on as you were - not performing in his circus. He's starting to realise that actions have consequences.
Those crumbs are stale. If he decides that he wants the M to thrive he will work his back side off to prove it to you.
Being in pursuit of happiness or depressed does not trump ethics and does not excuse treating your spouse as s**t.
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