180 Counterproductive?

[oops13]

Honestly, I'm not sure if it's vague and less dangerous than I think, or if I'm just lying to myself.

Basically theres a guy at work and their relationship is deeper than she's ever let on. I've not found evidence of anything like...lovey. Its flirting and them trading their lives (like books/music/occasional lunch/politics talks) and they exercise together. So shes getting something from it, but from what I can tell so far it's toeing the line of affair without being an affair. Shes told him some things about us that she said she hasn't told to anyone. It's dishonest, but I could also rationalize it if I wanted to. Nothing I can find w sexting or anything. But they have had fantasy talks about her going on vacation with his family, or them moving to tropical places to work together, and he's walked her to her car before, once I think even before counseling.

I know normally this means there's more to it and just the tip of the iceberg, but I'd be shocked if this guy was risking his career and his own marriage to someone honestly incredible for this. So maybe it's one way, or they're slow walking towards it. Maybe it's just "not quite affair" and I shouldn't be asleep at the wheel on working on our relationship yet. When I was being cool and investing in the relationship we were much closer.

Some things make me want to take what my wife is saying at face value I guess, and I'm not sure if it's the same as I'd tell her I haven't told anyone when there is one person I've told. So maybe its hypocritical to jump to affair.

I dont think their relationship is appropriate, and it's definitely undermining us, but where's the line for EA? I think asking this is denial on my part, but I wouldn't be SHOCKED if she turns it around given me doing the right things either?

[LH19]

O,

I went back and read your first post and you indicated she wanted space and it sounds like your putting on the full court press. Her actions with the coworker are definitely inappropriate. The way to go here is in the opposite direction and see if she will pursue you. She can’t be connected to you while she has this connection with the other guy. Odds are you are just seeing the tip of the iceberg and 95% of what’s going on is on the down low.

Right now you are plan B. How do you become plan A?

[Ready2Change]

That is exactly how secret affairs get started. Google "Not just friends". Don't be naive like I was. Married women should not have "close" guy friends that they discuss their R with.

[oops13]

LH19
I know what you mean, but I've given her a buttload of space except for like every 10 days we have a 5 min talk on average. I think so much that it made her withdraw even more? When she first asked for space she wanted to go out on dates and talk a lot...so once I pulled back, she pulled back quite a bit.

Now when I try to be cool and engage with her shes highly receptive? I guess. As long as I avoid heavy talk she seems into it. It's definitely easy to back away for me to be honest, but it's like shes wanting to spend time together, just not talking about the relationship. I guess this could be her trying to keep me plan B. Iceberg occurred to me too but I haven't turned up anything bigger.

R2C
I'll check that out. I'm sure I'll hate it inside, but I need to read it.


They both went inactive at the same time today before her appointment, and she never told me she was heading out. But she seemed excited to go out tomorrow with me and half the time proposes it herself when I'm cool to be around. Interesting. Im sure this did start as platonic deep normal friendship and now she's crushing on him and his ego is into it.

At least I'm able to focus on work for the most part today. At least so far she's never asked to separate or divorce. At least. Maybe she'll actually get that book her counselor is suggesting.

[LH19]

O,

The reason she’s pulling back is because she’s in an emotional possible physical relationship with another man. Have you heard of the friend zone? That’s what you are in right now.

She’s not going to ask to separate until she figures out where she stands with this douche bag. She’s gonna sit back and fill her face with cake while you continue to pursue her.

[Ready2Change]

Have you heard of the friend zone? That’s what you are in right now.

Do not get put into friend zone. Become Alpha male.


"I do not want to be with a woman who does not want to be with me"
"I do not share my woman with other men."


"You know what, this is not working me me"



I highly recommend reading every quote I have grabbed from wise DBer:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2846984

Then come up with a plan and execute your plan.

[oops13]

Weird night. She had IC yesterday and was home super late and said she "went for a walk" at the place where I think OM was running or runs frequently, though it is on the way. She mentioned that IC said it was fine if I come to the next session to see what's up. I said I'd think about it. She said I was looking good, I was over it so I made a joke that I'd do well on Tinder.

In my half asleep state last night I rolled over and cuddled her a little (she's done this to me a few times now, so I guess it seemed okay for me to do subconsciously). She'd also been near me in bed all night. Anyways she complained that she was "uncomfortable" because I might get near her boobs with my hands, so I rolled off and kinda laughed. She asked why I was laughing and I just said "just funny" went back to sleep. Probably looked butthurt but I was laughing because this is all just so obvious to me. She got up to pee and I think send a working from home email in a huff. Funny, OM works from home today too.

I've got a really itchy trigger finger on just telling her I'm out. I know they say a year, but do I really want this? This is another clear sign of "friend zone" and that I should kill the trip, even if it means I look wishy-washy but maybe I don't even care at this point. My wife has a boyfriend! I can find a woman that *doesnt* cheat!

But assuming I dont pull the trigger my problem here is committing to DB with the full pull away vs committing to things like you see in MMSLP.

I did read MMSLP, most of DR, and another book recently. I just don't even know what to believe to be honest.

[neffer]

Hi oops. Sitck to DB. Just read the last posts from LC and R2C.

First thing: get your respect back.

Detach, give space, get space. GAL.

It´s a marathon, remember that.

Keep DB oops, stay strong there!

[oops13]

I have plans for all weekend (camping with friends, hiking, events) so I'll have a life that's for sure! Still lifting and doing cardio bare minimum. Seeing my family.

I wish I had more proof.

[LH19]

What is MMSLP?