Well....there you go....ASS-uming. Don't do that. LOL I knew she'd made cupcakes before, but I really wouldn't sweat it if she offered but y'all couldn't work out the timing. If she's truly offended by that, I might see that as a bit of a flag. Not necessarily a red one, but certainly a yellow one.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
It's just not like her to go 3 hours without getting back to me. At this point though I have no clue that she is mad it is just me assuming.
LOL - maybe she's getting a pedicure. Or working. Or nude sky-diving.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Well she reached out didn't mention anything about being upset so I just let it go. I will say it does seem to me that she has backed off some. Not sure what it has to do with but now that she has it definitely has increased my interest. Funny how that works.
There is an event in our town on Saturday for families that she is taking her son to. In fact she has mentioned it twice. I am not sure if this is her indirect way of throwing things out there to see if I would be interested in bringing my girls or if she is just sharing for general information. I just said oh cool that sounds like fun and then we moved on to the next topic of conversation.
She told me she would never push me I just wonder if she is starting to get frustrated because I am not pushing anything either.
I played basketball this morning with my group of guys. They were asking me how I was doing, asking about dating, etc. It ends up that one of the guys I play basketball with used to be related to her by marriage. His sister's, aunt is the brother of the Dr.'s XH. What a small world. My buddy told me she is super nice, her kid is really cool, and that her XH was a d-bag. He said she is completely normal, outside of her guns, and I didn't have anything to worry about.
She told me she would never push me I just wonder if she is starting to get frustrated because I am not pushing anything either.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
He said she is completely normal, outside of her guns, and I didn't have anything to worry about.
Which - ahem - guns was he referring to?
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
She perhaps hasn't gotten the "everyone says" advice?
My own opinion - and I'm certainly not a pro at this and certainly don't know what is happening on the ground - is that she's given you an ILU albeit a slightly drunk one, she wants to bake cupcakes for your daughters, she's told her friends a while ago that you may be "the one" and you are being distant and stand-offish.
Have you had an honest talk with her about meeting the kids / kids meeting each other? Talks about "I see a future with you"? I know that I am moving at warp speed compared to you and to the suggestions of most on here but when B and I were talking about her maybe moving in, she was joking that "kids" make that choice in weeks and were wondering why it was taking us months.
If you in your heart feel that 6 months is the guideline that you want to follow - have you told her that? She can't read your mind.
No I don't know you from J anybody J9, but you seem to be a cautious, reserved, analytical guy who is perhaps a bit anal about following the instructions on the tooth-pick packet (Hitch hiker's guid reference). But not everyone reads the packet. What do you think her expectations and wishes are? Can you meet them? Do you want to meet them?
And for heaven's sake, if you do have a relationship talk - don't use PowerPoint slides
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I told her 6 months early on she said she heard that but I thought it was too long. Then the conversation got dropped and she has not brought it up directly again.
I have told her that I really like her, could see myself falling in love with her, really enjoy our time together, and told her I wasn't going anywhere. I also told her I was scared and she said she was as well.
In two weeks it will be 4 months and meeting my kids is different than having full blown dinner and sleep overs. Just because she meets them doesn't mean we will immediately start hanging out as one big happy family.
Really at this point there is no reason not to other than we have only known each other for just under 4 months. She is a smart, educated, disease free, Doctor that owns her own practice in our town. I can see a future with her but obviously I have no idea if it will end in marriage.
I don't have the benefit of some on the board of having to deal with younger children through the divorce and dating process so I'm sure my advice/opinion really doesn't even matter, but I understand why everyone is saying wait a minimum of 6 months. I do have very young grandchildren and for the oldest, it was confusing to her when she met Sparky. She kept calling him "Pops" which is what she calls my XH and I kept having to correct her and it is hard and they don't get it. All she knew was that Grandma Dawn's "husband" was Pops and this man must be Pops since he is obviously my husband. I introduced Sparky to my daughters and grandkids around month 7 1/2, almost 8.
Having said all that, though, you and the good dr. have to do what works for your situation. I agree with what Andrew said that maybe the dr. hasn't gotten what "everyone else" says and that may be why you are sensing some weirdness. You, yourself, said in an earlier post that the main reason you were waiting 6 months is because that is what others were telling you to do. Does that FEEL right to you, though, or are you ok making some informal introductions now? Like Andrew said, I get that you are super analytical and an over-thinker on top of that and you obviously read a lot and put a lot of thought into what you do read and that is a good thing, but you are the only with boots on the ground, so to speak, so I think that it is something you and the dr. have to navigate together. You said you told her 6 months earlier and she said she's heard that but thought it was too long then y'all dropped the conversation. Maybe y'all should pick it back up again. I get that neither of you want to push, but at some point, if nobody pushes, you are both stuck in this weird limbo where you are second-guessing yourselves and each other and you, J9, use that to over-analyze.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should run out and introduce your kids tomorrow. I'm also not saying that once you do introduce them, y'all are going to become an instant family. But, maybe this event this weekend that she mentioned is a good, no-pressure way to go about it. It has been my experience with women (mainly because I am one) if they mention something, it is not usually just mentioning it in general, but mentioning with a purpose in mind, whether they explicitly state that purpose or not. For example, I saw an event flyer for something the other day that I'm interested in going to. I mentioned it to Sparky, kind of in passing, and then we moved on to another conversation. I know at some point, I will have to bring it up again and come out and say I want to go because men don't usually pick up on subtle cues, even if we, as women think they aren't super subtle. I thought I was pretty clear in saying "this sounds fun, we should go". Apparently not clear enough............See what I'm saying?
Above all, people are giving you good advice and again, I'm not necessarily saying you shouldn't follow the 6 month rule. I'm saying listen to advice, but also think very seriously about what is best for you, your kids, the dr. her son and then make the most informed decision you can. You like the dr and she likes you. That is where you are right now. You have NO idea what the future holds. And, if you do, then come sit by me and let's talk about my future too, because wouldn't that be nice to have the gift of KNOWING what is coming.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
(Hitch hiker's guid reference). But not everyone reads the packet. What do you think her expectations and wishes are? Can you meet them? Do you want to meet them?