W left for work without making sure I was up, despite D2 being in the house. Came home late from work because she stopped off at the mall to buy shoes for...herself. At least the 10th new pair in 8 months. Didn't say a word about my birthday. Asked me to make dinner (we wanted to grill and she doesn't know how to start the grill). Asked me to run out get her a bottle of wine before I left for a meeting. Went to sleep before I got home, since she was out until 1 AM the night before and gets up at 6 for work.
Wow it's like she's carrying around a pack of disrespect cards and just playing them one after another. Did you cook for her? Did you get that bottle of wine for her? I bet you did. What do you think you SHOULD have done? I have my opinion on the matter but I want to hear what you say first.
This is just me and my "emotionally abusive" personality.. Lol.. But if it were me being disrespected like that, the old me would have told her to take a f@$!ing hike!!! Or GFH!! The new me would have simply told her to put on her big girl pants and learn to do these things herself. Or "You fired me as your H remember? I am just a "roommate" to you, remember?"
W left for work without making sure I was up, despite D2 being in the house. Came home late from work because she stopped off at the mall to buy shoes for...herself. At least the 10th new pair in 8 months. Didn't say a word about my birthday. Asked me to make dinner (we wanted to grill and she doesn't know how to start the grill). Asked me to run out get her a bottle of wine before I left for a meeting. Went to sleep before I got home, since she was out until 1 AM the night before and gets up at 6 for work.
Wow it's like she's carrying around a pack of disrespect cards and just playing them one after another. Did you cook for her? Did you get that bottle of wine for her? I bet you did. What do you think you SHOULD have done? I have my opinion on the matter but I want to hear what you say first.
I did not get the bottle of wine. I probably could have, I had somewhere I had to be but I did have the time before. I just didn't feel any need to do that for her.
I did cook because we had steaks marinating for 2 days, the weather was perfect, and it was the first grill use of the season. I like to grill.
I had a really great day and I wasn't about to let her derail it. I had no expectations that she would be any different, and I was not surprised by any of it. I am married to a person who's regressed to a selfish teenager and thinks that treating me like a decent human being will threaten her precious independence.
After my meeting a friend invited me out for a birthday drink and asked if she had done anything for me. He knows things are not great. I told him what happened and he said, "Wow, that [censored], man. It must be so painful." But actually it's not anymore. It's like I got all the pain out of my system before and I really don't much care what she does.
M 44, W 32 T 10, M 8 D 2 Oct '18: Fantasy affair with OW1 (yes, W) Feb '19: Inseparable from new lesbian BFF Still live together but a lot of tension
I did not get the bottle of wine. I probably could have, I had somewhere I had to be but I did have the time before. I just didn't feel any need to do that for her.
Good!
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I did cook because we had steaks marinating for 2 days, the weather was perfect, and it was the first grill use of the season. I like to grill.
That's fine as well, as long as you weren't caving to her ridiculous demands.
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I am married to a person who's regressed to a selfish teenager and thinks that treating me like a decent human being will threaten her precious independence.
Yeah, it sure sounds that way.
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But actually it's not anymore. It's like I got all the pain out of my system before and I really don't much care what she does.
I did cook because we had steaks marinating for 2 days, the weather was perfect, and it was the first grill use of the season. I like to grill.
That's fine as well, as long as you weren't caving to her ridiculous demands.
Yeah, nothing to do with her. The whole day I'd been planning to grill. While I was grilling she texted me a couple of times about making X or Y food for D2 as well. I'd already done it all. I handle dinner at least half the time and I know the drill.
M 44, W 32 T 10, M 8 D 2 Oct '18: Fantasy affair with OW1 (yes, W) Feb '19: Inseparable from new lesbian BFF Still live together but a lot of tension
Woman at bar "Will you buy me a drink??" ME: "Yes, if you buy me one first"
PASS THE TEST. Gain respect
^^^ And that's equal opportunity my friend...."I don't need a man..." "Can you light the grill, clean the pool, fix the hot water heater, take a look at that noise in my car, take out the garbage, reach that item high on the shelf, kill that spider, walk the dog?.. Yada yada" Let em learn what the single life entails...
They don't need a man, they are independant, but they sure don't mind all that alimony, child support, and free husbandly labor? Do they?
Woman at bar "Will you buy me a drink??" ME: "Yes, if you buy me one first"
PASS THE TEST. Gain respect
^^^ And that's equal opportunity my friend...."I don't need a man..." "Can you light the grill, clean the pool, fix the hot water heater, take a look at that noise in my car, take out the garbage, reach that item high on the shelf, kill that spider, walk the dog?.. Yada yada" Let em learn what the single life entails...
They don't need a man, they are independant, but they sure don't mind all that alimony, child support, and free husbandly labor? Do they?
My W has kind of been like this. The "I don't need a man" only came in the last 8 months, but the "do all this stuff for me" has been there throughout. To be fair, prior to this mess she used to do a lot around the house and there were times I wasn't doing my share. But she's converted some legitimate anger about that into some narrative that I don't do anything with D2 or in the house at all. She's about to find out just how much nothing I do. Her life will not be the fabulous party that she's envisioning now.
Last edited by Niall11; 05/24/1911:36 AM.
M 44, W 32 T 10, M 8 D 2 Oct '18: Fantasy affair with OW1 (yes, W) Feb '19: Inseparable from new lesbian BFF Still live together but a lot of tension
Woman at bar "Will you buy me a drink??" ME: "Yes, if you buy me one first"
PASS THE TEST. Gain respect
For a long time I had her respect. I am, and want to be, a generous and (dare I say it) "nice" person with those I love. I did have some NGS tendencies in the past and I've worked to eliminate the things like covert contracts. If I don't have time, or really don't want to do something, I say so now.
But if I do have time, I really don't mind running out to pick up a bottle of wine for my woman. For a long time my W was someone who didn't look at my kindness and see weakness. Somewhere along the line that changed. Now I'm on guard against doing nice things for someone who shows me such little consideration and such disrespect. I'm on guard against her getting the message that she can fire me as H, behave as she's behaving, and I'll still do those things for her.
And what I've realized is that I really don't want a relationship on those terms. The person she's become really doesn't appeal to me and there's little indication the "old" W is coming back. If I've spent months struggling, it's because of my D2. I want what's best for her. I never thought it was D, but I don't think the status quo of loveless cohabitation is sustainable either. I'm mostly angry that W didn't figure out before we had a child that what she really wanted was to stay out half the night on the lesbian party scene.
M 44, W 32 T 10, M 8 D 2 Oct '18: Fantasy affair with OW1 (yes, W) Feb '19: Inseparable from new lesbian BFF Still live together but a lot of tension
