Gordie 23 one year after she dropped the D

[HaWho]

Hi Gordie - just caught up. Depression colors a person’s world with a giant gray paintbrush.

Every mature/stable person knows marriage is work. Right now you don’t have a person whose thinking if clear enough to recognize that.

There is only so much you can do when it’s one hand clapping. Praise the good actions you see and live life with as big a spoon as you can.

[bttrfly]

Gordie hope you are well. xoxoxo

[AndrewP]

According to his profile he hasn't logged on since early in the month #TeamGordie

[bttrfly]

yes I noticed that as well
#TeamGordiexoxoxo

[Gordie]

Thanks for checking in on me, so a quick update

Big picture, overall situation is the same

We had a successful family vacation

We are talking more and call and text during the day

Day to day is better and there is less egg shell walking on my part

In hindsight we were not ready for sex

It was awkward for both of us so we have backed off

But we are still in the same bed

And touch each other every day

I think I was too focused on W and marriage back in Feb and March

It was driving me nuts and not making things better

Two things have made things better

1 Focus on GAL separate from W which makes me happier

2 Live in the present as I spin thinking about the past and the future

Lent and Easter brought many thoughts about the need to fully forgive W

[bttrfly]

hi there Gordie. Thx for the update - good to know how you are. Full forgiveness is necessary for our own peace of mind. I think I've completely forgiven exh, then something will come up that hits a raw nerve and I think, "Well, where did that come from?" I'm personally grateful for those awarenesses, as it lets me know what I need to work on

I'm glad your family vacation was a success. Those calls and texts during the day are a wonderful low pressure way to build intimacy.

Sex/Lovemaking will most likely be less awkward as intimacy continues to build... this is an assumption on my part, not personal experience but it makes sense, doesn't it?

GAL does two things: keeps you sane/focused on yourself and also makes you more desirable as a mate/less likely to be underfoot and taken for granted.

I dunno why I'm thinking this Gordie, but it just popped into my head: do you feel like you need to forgive yourself ? I ask because I feel like I have to forgive myself for my part in the demise of my marriage. Perhaps when I fully forgive myself I will be more able to fully forgive my exh. What are your thoughts on this?


#TeamGordie xoxoxo

[Gordie]

Butterfly

Thank you

We are on the same wavelength

I thought I had fully forgiven w

But some things came up and I realized I have not

I talked to a wise friend IRL who reminded me forgiveness is a process and takes time

And yes you are totally right

I have to forgive myself too

Thank you for the gentle nudge

That too is a process that takes time, right?

[bttrfly]

yes and time is a four letter word

[Gerda]

i don't think it's possible to forgive W and be done with the forgiveness thing.

I think you will have to start over everyday.

I have a friend whose H came back after two years. She is a serious Christian. Her story of faithful standing was almost miraculous, and her H even came to Christ when he came back, and they have given talks at marriage restoration conferences.

But even with such a sure strong restoration, she often tells me how hard it is when those thought darts come flying.

She told me she is able to see it as something she is powerless over, something that only God can fix, and that it will take years. She just lays it at God's feet every time, asks Him to take the burden from her every time. I think for her it is daily.

[Gordie]

Gerda

Thank you for that wonderful and encouraging story

Maybe that is why it is the Lord’s Prayer

As a daily reminder

I will now think of that

Thank you

By the way I was in a random store

And I heard that song you recommended

It brought a smile to my face

New Thread:

Gordie 24 still married