You got the schedule in order - Good job, now you have a formal agreement, make sure that is in writing, you will want that.
Finances are sorted, it seems - Good job. Now you don't have to worry about that, make sure that is in writing, you will want that.
You asking her to leave because of bla bla bla is simply you wanting an reaction, and that was not really helping you. Think what you want, but keep it in your head - be a man only a fool would leave, not a man filled with resentment, anger and hatred, thats not attractive.
I am going to say this once, and then leave it be - Stay the heck out of secret agendas with HER side of the family. In time, and most likely already, they will choose their daughters side, no matter what she does, and you will be on the end of the blaming stick....
Tell them that you are not comfortable discussing your private affairs with their daughter at this point in time, and that you would appreciate if they did not reach out with these intentions. You want an absolutely transparent communication with them, because your wife will feel absolutely blind-sided, and guess who will be blamed.
I am not saying to avoid them, they are the grandparents of your daughter. Keep it at that, but your private business with their daughter needs to be your private business for now. It will bite you in the behind if you become part of whatever mess is stirring up.
Last edited by Hurt213; 04/23/1906:59 PM.
BD: Wife says "its over" 11th august 2018. EA: June 2018 PA: August 2018 - ongoing Status: Taking turns 7 days a week to be in the house w. kids WW: no regrets, seems happy with leaving.
That statement about you wanting her to leave, was once again you wanting to control the situation. "You had to say something", Trust me, no you didn't! You have some work to do. You want convince us on here that was a good thing to do. It was immature and weak. You probably looked very unattractive and weak to your wife, because it sounds very weak to me.
You won't be able to control your W. I wrote that to you yesterday. Let her be, you trying to get revenge will not do anything to help your situation. Do what's attractive and what works.
Stay out the way of your WW and her family. Stay out way of your WW and her family. If you get in the way and things go sour, but sides will just find ways to blame you. What happen between them is non of your business. Also, if you tell your WW that her parents are coming, she's going to think you put them up to doing this. She will blame you for them coming and trying to fix her. I promise you, it won't be nothing you can say to convince her otherwise.
But, if you stay out the way and if she comes to you and say, did you know my parents were coming and you say yes. And she ask, "why didn't you tell me?" You can say, "I didn't tell you because, what happen between you and your parents, is none on my business". That statement let her know, you aren't getting out of her way.
Get out of her way and let her live her life without you in it. She must view you as a loss.
I know you want your family and W back. But your intervention want be the reason she returns, her seeing a confident man, that has made changes and moving forward with his life, is the biggest chance you have of getting her back.
It have worked time and time again. But what hasn't work since I have been here is when I read about a LBS trying to control their spouses, it always ends badly.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Had asked wife to talk about our Ds staying arrangements and her routine during stay at each place (my wife is moving out on Wednesday i.e tomorrow).
She asked if we could meet at a restaurant near our house during lunch hours, to which I agreed. (not sure why she chose to meet outside, even though she has no job these days and was home only, and the restaurant is 5 minutes away from our house)
So we talked about the days she will spend at each place and here is the arrangement:
Sun-Tuesday Morning - D is with me Tue - Friday morning - D will be with my wife Friday - Saturday morning - D will be with me Saturday Morning - Sunday Morning - With wife
We talked about her eating routine and other stuff to keep it same in both houses.
Also, for finance, we agreed that on 1st of each month, I will deposit in her account my share of the daycare+education saving expense for our D. She gave me the cards that she had from our joint accounts. We file taxes jointly and this year we owed money because her withheld taxes were very less and she asked me to tell her how much she owes and she will pay me that.
Also, I asked her to make sure that she leaves by tomorrow unless there are logistic issues because I couldn't live in an open marriage (Although the delay would have been a day or two, this was just to emphasize that she was not leaving on her terms but I wanted her to leave as well. I know it was not the best thing to do, but I wanted peace and send a message that its not just her that wants to leave, but I have no interest if she is going to be with another man). Her face was blank as she did not expect it. May resent me but I was so upset in my heart about my D suffering that i had to say it. Don't know what the repercussions will be.
Would like to have your feedback please and how to conduct myself in coming days.
Also, when she is leaving tomorrow, should I say something or not? If yes, then what should I say?
P.S - Her parents called me yesterday and told me that her mother will be arriving on 26th and they haven't told her. What should I do? Should I tell her or not?
Not sure what happened. but I do not like your schedule. It is too much switching for your D. And there will be Friday nights you need to do something and Saturday night she will. How about this:
Sun-Tuesday Morning - D is with me Tue - Friday morning - D will be with my wife Friday - Sunday Morning - With wife one week, me the next, alternating.
I think that is much better arrangement. Not sure why you guys would try to split the weekend like that.
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P.S - Her parents called me yesterday and told me that her mother will be arriving on 26th and they haven't told her. What should I do? Should I tell her or not?
Call her parents and tell them they need to contact her with their plans.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
That statement about you wanting her to leave, was once again you wanting to control the situation. "You had to say something", Trust me, no you didn't! You have some work to do. You want convince us on here that was a good thing to do. It was immature and weak. You probably looked very unattractive and weak to your wife, because it sounds very weak to me.
Ai agree, I should not have said that. It backfired.She just messaged me that she will move out positively by tomorrow. She said her staying here was not right. Won't say anything out of emotions going forward. Anything I say say for a comeback on this one?
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Stay out the way of your WW and her family. Stay out way of your WW and her family. If you get in the way and things go sour, but sides will just find ways to blame you. What happen between them is non of your business. Also, if you tell your WW that her parents are coming, she's going to think you put them up to doing this. She will blame you for them coming and trying to fix her. I promise you, it won't be nothing you can say to convince her otherwise. But, if you stay out the way and if she comes to you and say, did you know my parents were coming and you say yes. And she ask, "why didn't you tell me?" You can say, "I didn't tell you because, what happen between you and your parents, is none on my business". That statement let her know, you aren't getting out of her way.
"Ai agree, I should not have said that. It backfired.She just messaged me that she will move out positively by tomorrow. She said her staying here was not right. Won't say anything out of emotions going forward. Anything I say say for a comeback on this one?"
Duuuuuuuuuude, heres what you need to learn ASAP:
You do dissect conversations in order to get an upper hand, you do not intervene in order to look better in her eyes, you simply do anything and EVERYTHING for you. Get to the point, where you dont care if she likes it or not - if you like it, then its the right thing for you to do...
You are Waaaaaaaay to focused on her point of view, and how you portray yourself to her.. its weak and pursuit behavior, and its pushing her further away..
Heres the deal: the move is happening, and thats what it is. It doesnt mean anything in the bigger picture.. Let her move out, and focus on you, while she focuses on herself... its the only thing that will give you a chance of R in the future.
When that future comes, if you play your cards right, you have two paths to walk down.
1. You are ready for a new adventure with your W
2. You do not want to begin a new adventure with your W, because you have transformed into an individual with desires, goals and needs, that no longer matches the person she is.
Please, drop the rope.
BD: Wife says "its over" 11th august 2018. EA: June 2018 PA: August 2018 - ongoing Status: Taking turns 7 days a week to be in the house w. kids WW: no regrets, seems happy with leaving.
"Ai agree, I should not have said that. It backfired.She just messaged me that she will move out positively by tomorrow. She said her staying here was not right. Won't say anything out of emotions going forward. Anything I say say for a comeback on this one?"
Duuuuuuuuuude, heres what you need to learn ASAP:
You do dissect conversations in order to get an upper hand, you do not intervene in order to look better in her eyes, you simply do anything and EVERYTHING for you. Get to the point, where you dont care if she likes it or not - if you like it, then its the right thing for you to do...
You are Waaaaaaaay to focused on her point of view, and how you portray yourself to her.. its weak and pursuit behavior, and its pushing her further away..
Heres the deal: the move is happening, and thats what it is. It doesnt mean anything in the bigger picture.. Let her move out, and focus on you, while she focuses on herself... its the only thing that will give you a chance of R in the future.
When that future comes, if you play your cards right, you have two paths to walk down.
1. You are ready for a new adventure with your W
2. You do not want to begin a new adventure with your W, because you have transformed into an individual with desires, goals and needs, that no longer matches the person she is.
Please, drop the rope.
I agree Hurt and thanks a lot for your comments.
Going forward, just focus on myself and detach as much as I can. I think as she is moving out, I should be able to do better at that.
However, as she is leaving today, it's a sinking feeling and nothing seems to be right. Feels like last nail in the coffin. I so want her to be back and have a happy family again. Hope god is listening.
"Ai agree, I should not have said that. It backfired.She just messaged me that she will move out positively by tomorrow. She said her staying here was not right. Won't say anything out of emotions going forward. Anything I say say for a comeback on this one?"
Duuuuuuuuuude, heres what you need to learn ASAP:
You do dissect conversations in order to get an upper hand, you do not intervene in order to look better in her eyes, you simply do anything and EVERYTHING for you. Get to the point, where you dont care if she likes it or not - if you like it, then its the right thing for you to do...
You are Waaaaaaaay to focused on her point of view, and how you portray yourself to her.. its weak and pursuit behavior, and its pushing her further away..
Heres the deal: the move is happening, and thats what it is. It doesnt mean anything in the bigger picture.. Let her move out, and focus on you, while she focuses on herself... its the only thing that will give you a chance of R in the future.
When that future comes, if you play your cards right, you have two paths to walk down.
1. You are ready for a new adventure with your W
2. You do not want to begin a new adventure with your W, because you have transformed into an individual with desires, goals and needs, that no longer matches the person she is.
Please, drop the rope.
I agree Hurt and thanks a lot for your comments.
Going forward, just focus on myself and detach as much as I can. I think as she is moving out, I should be able to do better at that.
However, as she is leaving today, it's a sinking feeling and nothing seems to be right. Feels like last nail in the coffin. I so want her to be back and have a happy family again. Hope god is listening.
Trust the process. Many WASs have the left the home, only to return later. Nothing is the last nail in the coffin as long as their is breath in both of your bodies.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Going forward, just focus on myself and detach as much as I can. I think as she is moving out, I should be able to do better at that.
I sure hope so because we've been telling you this for weeks and it sure seems to be falling on deaf ears! Vic, do you want your W back? THEN LET HER GO. LET HER GO.
Thanks for your straight words. I will not do anything out of emotions here on. NOTHING. She is gone already, first day out of house. D is with me and she is at OMs place now. Will be staying at his place tonight most likely
Difficult to overcome this emotion that your wife is with some other man and staying with him at his place as if they were married.
