Hit by the dreaded ILYBNILWY part 2

[AnotherStander]

Get your mom or dad or friend to help with the dog .

THIS. Quit depending on your W for ANYTHING. Detach. Let her go. Become self-sufficient and independent of her.

[mikeyb]

Unfortunately I have no friends in the area and my parents are 2 hours away. I moved away from all my friends so she could be closer to work. But after that incident I have created a new plan for the dog. It's not the greatest, but it's better than letting him suffer. I have started to leave him in my room, this way if he has another incident he can find a spot and go versus having to lay in it. Don't get me wrong he loves his crate and will just lay in it when he wants, but I'd rather him be in my room free to eat, drink, or go if he absolutely has to (he is very well trained to go outside so I'm not too concerned about it, but in an emergency like that I'd rather him have an option) and not be forced to suffer until I get home.

As for my goals, I have begun to lay the foundation for what I want and am feeling great so far about my ambitions. The only thing holding me back is financials and I am trying to figure that out. I've made some progress but not enough. In due time though I will.

As for the W I'm going 100% no contact. After the other night I'm to frustrated to even want to say anything to her. The mil is still managing her finances so when it comes to the bills I will discuss that with her as there is no need to involve the W since she's not being involved with it anyway.

[mikeyb]

Just another update, my plan with dogs seems to be going well so far, time will tell. My little dog has had incidents but that's been the norm for her. They seem to be more comfortable being in my room together vs separated with one in the crate in the other free to roam. That and I'm way more comfortable with this and not have to worry about what my dog has to lay in all day.

As for myself, I've been doing pretty good. Went to the Dr yesterday because I've been having some knee pain the last 2 weeks. They did an x-ray and said that as far as the x-ray goes I have a strong knee, told me to do some daily exercises on that leg to try and strengthen the muscles around my knee for the next 4 weeks. If by then the pain doesn't subside or gets worse they will push my insurance for an MRI

Emotionally, I've been doing well. I'm actually enjoying being home by myself, free to do whatever I want, when I want. Went to the movies last night and seen Shazam, today I'll be getting together with some of my old co-workers from when I worked night shift and going to Busch Gardens for a Stone Temple Pilots concert

I've actually been contemplating on taking my ring off and putting it on a necklace that I will wear, it's not necessarily that I'm giving up hope (note: hope, not expectation), but thinking that it might ease my state of mind a bit. Not sure though.... I may just need to do it and get it over with to get over that hill and start the downhill progress....

[mikeyb]

Ugh, so the W came by the house today. Showed up out of the blue right after I woke up around 11. I was outside with the dogs and next thing I know the back door was opening and she was there. Not much was said besides her hounding me about I needed to get dog food, batteries for the dogs collar, etc... I said, I know, I am going to the store today. She asked if I needed money for dog food, all I said was it would help but I don't need it and she gave me money to help with that so that was nice. She stayed and did laundry, then passed out on the couch. I continued my normal routine and acted like she wasn't even here. Then she woke up, told me she was going to take the car and she was done driving the truck, tried saying I needed new tires on the truck because she almost got in 2 accidents from sliding out. 1) It's a truck, no weight in the rear and it's rear wheel drive. 2) It was raining and she has a lead foot...

So now I'm stuck driving the truck to work... Gonna make it harder on me but I'll find a way to manage.

Then right before she was leaving she started on me again about moving. Asked if I've been looking etc... Told her we've discussed this already and she kept going. She said she's tired of going back & forth between houses etc.... I said that is your choice to be making. Nobody told you to leave here.

Tired of the circles and constant discussion on what I'm doing, not doing. Next time she shows up at the house and I am here I am just going to leave and stay gone for the day. Don't know what I'll do, but I'll find something. Maybe go to the mall and window shop LOL.

Also decided that I will take the ring off, going to go and pick up a necklace and place it on that. I'm just reaching the point were I'm tired of the games and her trying to say this is all my fault and acting like I'm making her do this.

[LH19]

Why is she calling all the shots and coming and going as she pleases?

What are your boundaries?

[mikeyb]

Why is she calling all the shots and coming and going as she pleases?

What are your boundaries?

She's coming here to do her laundry, because she's staying at her friends house who doesn't have a washer and dryer ans she doesn't want to go to the Laundromat. She tried to tell me yesterday that she can do whatever she feels like doing because she is paying half the rent. This came up because while she was here she had cooked herself a pizza and left a mess. I asked her nicely "If you come by here and cook or do anything please clean up after yourself" she replied "No, I pay half the rent here I can do whatever I want" I told her "half the rent doesn't make me a maid to clean up after you whenever you decide to show up, all I am asking is to simply clean your mess" She really tried to fight me on it and I said "I don't know why your making this into something more than it is, I'm nicely asking to just be considerate and clean up after yourself"

If she decides to show up randomly again on the weekend I am going to tell her she needs to let me know ahead of time, mostly because I just don't want to be here when she is.

[Ready2Change]

One of the wise poster set a great boundary. I am sure it is the boundary threads. Might look it up if interested.

Paraphrased:

When you leave your dirty dishes laying around the house like an animal.....
If you continue, I will put them in your bedroom....

[IHCLACS]

R2C. Dishes cleanup has been my biggest sticking point with W since beginning. I tried that dishes boundary about leaving them in the bedroom if she didn't clean up her mess about 5 years ago. Didn't fly well. Was deemed punitive, vindictive, and I stopped doing that. I would intentionally leave the dishes, or her laundry on her side of the bed, or couch so she would be forced to deal with them. Now I just don't clean her messes any more. Now Ironicly she deals with them a little bit more, but doesn't put them away. Just leaves in dish drain. You cannot control other people, but you can definately set boundaries.

[mikeyb]

One of the wise poster set a great boundary. I am sure it is the boundary threads. Might look it up if interested.

Paraphrased:

When you leave your dirty dishes laying around the house like an animal.....
If you continue, I will put them in your bedroom....

R2C. Dishes cleanup has been my biggest sticking point with W since beginning. I tried that dishes boundary about leaving them in the bedroom if she didn't clean up her mess about 5 years ago. Didn't fly well. Was deemed punitive, vindictive, and I stopped doing that. I would intentionally leave the dishes, or her laundry on her side of the bed, or couch so she would be forced to deal with them. Now I just don't clean her messes any more. Now Ironicly she deals with them a little bit more, but doesn't put them away. Just leaves in dish drain. You cannot control other people, but you can definately set boundaries.

Yea, I don't think that would work very well. She isn't at the house. Besides when she feels like stopping by. Since the EA was discovered she's only been here like 3 times. And I'm trying to keep a clean house, something that we didn't do so well together during our marriage. (Not like it was a disaster, but we were just never in a rush to do dishes, etc. Would put them off a day) Well since this all began I've 180'd that, everyday I'm tidying up. Sink stays empty, my bed gets made, counters wiped if they need, when I get laundry done, it's folded and put away right after coming out of the dryer. And doing all this has made me feel great. So anyway putting the dishes in her room they could sit there for a week, maybe 2, and if she does come by, there's no guarantee she's going to even do anything about it besides leave it.

I plan to tell her she can't just come by unannounced anymore. Yea she may be paying rent, but she's not living here. Just her stuff is here. She took the car so she doesn't need to come by and swap vehicles. If she wants to do laundry she'll need to tell me her intentions first. And I'll decide if she can come by or not. After all she is only paying rent, no other bills so basically she's paying for storage of her stuff, why increase my electric and water bill for her convenience. She can go to the laundromat.

[mikeyb]

So the majority of my posts have been about interactions with my wife, things that have come up from it etc..... Instead I wanted to take this post and make it 100% about me.

For starters, I've adjusted fairly well to the empty house. Having the house to myself gives me the freedom to do what I want, when I want. Without someone looking over my shoulders with criticism about what I am or am not doing. Actually enjoying that, not gonna lie.

Emotionally I've been well, I took my ring off the other day. It just seemed like it was a constant pressure to make this work. I still keep the ring close at all times, since I am still married and it does still mean a lot to me, it's on a nice necklace that I have been wearing daily. It just feels like a burden was lifted of my shoulders, the feeling of "I have to fix this".

As for my 180's I've done well here with maintaining everything I've been doing. Clean house, clean laundry, staying organized, getting better financially, taking better care of myself by shaving daily, regular haircuts, styling my hair daily, wearing cologne, dressing nicer.

Financially I've been working to save what I need to go through with this 401k loan while staying current on all my bills. Progress has been made but it's slow, on a tight budget.

For GAL being on a tight budget has me somewhat limited me. I've basically set myself a $100-$125 limit a month for entertainment. This includes 2 things mostly, a Busch Gardens pass $25 a month and includes parking, I live close by so gas isn't terrible and I only get drinks at the park which costs $0.89 with my cup. And a subscription to AMC Stubs A-List which allows me to see 3 movies a week every month for $20. Both of which I have been using regularly and it's been fun. So after those I get about $70 left for misc. activities.

As for my teeth, I actually just came across a local dental clinic on facebook that offers in-house financing w/ no credit check so I will be calling them tomorrow to schedule an appointment and see what I can get done with that.

Overall though, things are slowly starting to look up and I can't complain about that!