On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Happy belated birthday, Andrew! I read your post the other day, but was off on my own adventure and didn't get a chance to actually respond and wish you a good day. I hope the steak and cake were yummy. Sounds like the perfect birthday meal to me!
I'm just absolutely tickled with how well things are going for you and B. Your post this morning was great. I am really happy for you.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Well - it's Wednesday. My schedule is all higgledy piggledy right now with construction at one of my offices, my birthday on Monday etc. So instead of being home, I'm at the sales and marketing office today.
Oddly all of the senior management as well as much of the sales staff is on site today. Presumably big strategic meetings. I'm on my best behaviour other than lurking here a smidge and have made sure that my bow tie is on straight.
Thank you Dawn for the birthday wishes. Dinner was indeed rather good although the pile of dishes to go through was large. I joke from time to time that I wish that I had more people to feed - but not usually when facing a sink full of suds There is also much left-over cake which I have frozen and promised to share some of with B. 20S has also demanded that I save her at least one piece.
S24 is I think working hard on being upbeat and positive but he's worried about his job and such. I can believe that he has zero issues at present about my dating B. I don't talk about her in any detail other than that we're out / had a nice chat when I drove home on Tuesday etc. I'd left the card from B on the counter - my card from D26 finally arrived yesterday. No card from S24 - no surprise. It's not "in his face" and I do hope that he's happy for me. I think that the openness and honesty is best here. The treats from B were appreciated and only a modest amount were left for me - I joked to her that it is indeed true that the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. On the call with his sister during my birthday he did mention how much he liked those particular treats.
I had a nice dinner with one of my best friends on Tuesday and probably talked far too much about B. He was very patient and happy for me and about the fact that I did say that he could tell his wife about the lady I'm dating. B had asked if we could talk on the phone regularly now which hadn't crossed my mind as something we could do easily logistically but my drive was a good time. I think that on her side that the cat is well out of the bag and is wandering around freely. We'll probably keep things quiet for a while yet even though I think it's plain to B that I am - and yes Dawn I use this phrase too - tickled pink to spend time with her and have no issues being seen spending time with her. She's a great person and I'm proud to be in her company.
We had a nice call on my drive home but B seemed distracted. It turns out that her son broke up with his girlfriend. They were coming back home anyway for a few days but it looks like it's back to the old routine for them. It was odd talking to her with toddlers in the back-ground demanding this and that and being instructed to tidy up etc etc. One of them insisted on knowing who she was talking to - asked if it was Grandpa and was told no - it was Andrew - and then of course we had to say hi. They seem like sweet kids but very very busy and B certainly was patient with them but also firm. Exactly as I would have expected.
I feel rather sorry for B. There she was - her new life taking shape and then dragged back by responsibilities. Certainly not my thing to fix nor even really have anything to do with other than be supportive and recognize it.
But - on a "finding the bright side" note, this certainly slows down the freight train at least for a while. Certainly it doesn't stop it nor derail it as her son is presumably doing the bulk of the parenting required other than last night.
We're having dinner tomorrow night at a restaurant that is literally 2 blocks from her place that she'd never heard of that is supposed to be nice. But I don't think she's gotten much free time in a long time and that which she's had has presumably been wherever her kids, family or her past dates have been.
The friend I had dinner with did tell me about a nice place at the local resort that he and his wife went to. He highly recommended the couples massage. I've never even had a single massage. I'm going to do some research and plan for a weekend getaway for B and I at some point. Looking at the calendar it may have to wait until we are both back from vacation in later April. Again - when I say that I'm taking my time I am actually trying to do that. So much of me - both emotionally and - yes - physically is poking me vigorously to move faster - I can smell the smoke of the brakes - but I know that I need to be safe. Make sure that this is what I want before I get in way too deep. I think that we also lose track too of the fact that there are two players in this - and I want to be sure that she also is fully invested in things going forward assuming that they do.
Anyhoodles - back to work. B might give me another call on today's drive. I'll let her know when I'm leaving and it's up to her with no pressure.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
It sounds like you are really enjoying your time with B. I know you're trying to take it slow, but the fact that you're already thinking about a weekend trip, spa day, and other future dates / events with her is telling that you are getting a little ahead of yourself. Try to slow it down, live in the moment when you're with her, but when you're not with her, keep focusing on you and your life instead of your future life with her. Just don't want to see you lose yourself, your own happiness (separate from her).
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Saturday morning. Woken up by a pretty girl - texting me.
It's been a pretty good but long week. One of the plants is building me a new office so I had to switch my schedule around to avoid the heaviest construction. It should be a good indication of job security but the salesman who was also getting an office was let go last week. Can't count on anything. I'm pretty sure that I'm still good for a few more months but the uncertainty - which has been present for at least a year - is bothersome. I really should be focusing on a new job hunt but am understandably distracted a bit right now
The other side of the corporate restructuring sounds like it's not a very pleasant place from what I understand. I am well regarded over there though. I do think that if I were in a spot where I need to find something new that with all the good friends and colleagues that I have had over the years who are scattered around the planet that I wouldn't be on the beach for long. I have had some old colleagues reach out about me doing contract work but right now in a single income household with some substantial financial obligations to my ex, that's not a safe enough option to move to the top of the list. I am also building a good pension which isn't something to easily walk away from. Other than the usual uncertainty that can even affect a 100 year old company, the only actual issues I have are work/life balance and the fact that my direct boss is a very unpleasant person to work with even if I think he imagines we're friends.
I've talked to B a bit about some of these challenges but I think that the work world I live in is so different from her experience that it all makes no sense to her. Earlier I would just gloss over my day - it's pretty boring to the un-initiated but now I do share some of it but don't expect nor get much feedback. Improving processes for communicating with third party logistics providers really isn't everyone's thing. In fact the number of people who would find that sort of thing interesting probably included all the people in the meeting I was in and none of those who weren't.
Things are delightful with B. We had dinner at a local cafe on Thursday - food reasonably good - not nearly as intimate as I'd hoped for. Even though it is literally two blocks from her house, I picked her up in my car and drove her back. I'd offered to walk her back as it was a lovely evening but she wanted me to drive. It seems that my car is a more comfortable place to say good night for a while than the sidewalk. We also talked about "us" and such-like. The passion is palpable and I think a few dates ago we would have gone further than we have but I've kept saying that I want to take things slow and she's respecting that. I did talk about sometime soon spending the day together and me making dinner for her and then breakfast or us going away to somewhere nice. I joked that the back seat on a public street - while it may "do" wasn't what we wanted But she was open to that at the drive-in movie in the summer I do believe that she knows that I'm very interested in her in both the physical and emotional ways - certain physical signs on my part were undoubtedly pretty obvious to her when we hugged I don't think that I'll need any medicinal assistance on that part. It is very very important to me though to make sure that she knows and yes - that I know - that that's not why I like spending time with her. Just like I enjoy pumpkin pie both with whipped cream and without - can't have a post that doesn't have a food reference or bad analogy
I did reach out to an old friend who has a chalet at the local ski resort area for suggestions on places to go and he gave me some good input. My income tax refund is supposed to hit my bank on Monday so I certainly can afford something special and spontaneous with this unexpected windfall.
B and I were talking on the phone as I was driving back home yesterday and she mentioned a dear friend who she hasn't seen in a long time who coincidentally lives on the way to one of the plants I have some meetings at in a couple of weeks which she didn't know when she mentioned it. I've suggested that I'd be more than happy to drop her off / pick her up if she can get the day off work. We'll be getting back late and it would be reasonable for her to stay here after. I need to nail down those meetings.
While I'm sure that many people are fine with catching what they can where they can be it in a car or a no-tell-motel - that's not me.
On her side I've definitely progressed to boyfriend status. She referred to me as that when she was relating a conversation with a friend. I think that despite our occasional awesome mind-reading powers that one thing that often gets lost is the actual feelings and attitudes of the person on the other side of the relationship. Part of me thinks that B is in far deeper than I am and I'm in pretty deep. The little cynical part sitting on the sidelines eating popcorn does watch for her having less than pure motives. On a practical basis I do bring a lot to the table. I get the impression that her finances are in pretty crappy shape, she lives in sub-standard housing with a retail clerk's salary and no spousal support. But she's never asked for anything nor even hinted at how "our" life would be different. She has put out there about an inheritance that may be coming her way and the value of the property that still needs to be settled with her ex but she doesn't seem to be including that in any of her future plans and who knows if that will help make her more comfortable or not. It is literally none of my business.
I'm working on coming to terms with the fact that people who she has cared about for in the past are still people that she cares about even if the relationship has passed. She was talking about a past boyfriend - I don't think she took too much of a break after leaving - who is a chef. He sounds like a decent enough guy and she says that his rabbit stew is just like what her dad used to make. He's going in for heart surgery soon and B is worried about him. I believe that she's going to go and visit him when he's recovering. 25 year old me would have had a very very hard time with this. 55 year old me is working on shrugging, accepting and working on finding the trust that the past is indeed behind her. It's not always easy especially given what I have gone through as I am sure pretty much everyone reading along would understand. Finding that piece of trust is one of the things that I think is holding me back. She did say that her last relationship - which wasn't with the chef - ended back in October and she took a break before finding me in early February. I think she's gone through a fair number of guys. I hate to suggest it, but given that her OLD profile was pretty unappealing and that she looks and sounds much older than her "good" picture there indicates - even though it turns out that it is much more recent than I'd thought - but the quality of guys that she was running in to probably was fairly low. But then again - I could be completely wrong - I'll never know.
It's interesting to me how my perception of her varies - and yes I'm a math nerd - inversely proportionately to the physical distance between us. We are both mature people. And yes, we both undoubtedly look our age. She's sent me a few pictures and we've both admitted to creeping on each other's social media profiles. Other than the picture she took of us together, she's a very average looking woman. She sent me a picture this morning of her cuddled up with one of her grandkids in bed (old people sexting ) and she looks like who she is - an mature lady with bed-head. Her voice has that bit of a rasp that people get when they get older and she loves talking. In person it all "sparkles" though - even if on another forum that's a bad thing.
On the other hand, I'm also middle-aged with wrinkles, grey hair, age spots and more than a few pounds around the middle. And she thinks I'm attractive too.
Her kids seem to approve as well. She mentioned over dinner that the birthday message she sent me via Messenger she first formatted on Facebook and accidentally posted including my full name. Her daughter swooped in and has thoroughly googled me and given very clear opinions. I actually don't know if B figured out how to delete that post. It might still be there. In general I pass but her daughter says that I'm not to grow my hair long again. I expect that her sons are well informed now too. Odd as it may sound, that decreases my worries about her "playing the field" as she is being closely supervised on her side.
On my side I don't think she has any worries. I've been open about my dating history and how / when each part ended. It may sound a bit egotistical, but if I was the sort of person who was just after "one thing" that I would be well provided with that and quite some time ago. She knows that she's the first person that I've kissed since my divorce. Something that I won't do lightly. (insert joke that with her, it's certainly not done lightly )
She's said that soon we need to drop off her snow tires which she stores with her one son and then soon go food shopping where co-incidentally her daughter lives. Kid introductions are I believe imminent.
One positive thing I think is that we're not a "perfect match" - from what I've learned that would be a very bad sign. I'm getting more comfortable with this. Still not ready to go all in though. I'm glad that she's respecting that.
Well - I suppose I should wrap this up for now. I'm adjusting my schedule to get my regular household chores done as B and I are spending the afternoon together - we're going to hit some furniture stores and just visit. My one SIL has invited us out to a music event that she's hosting today but even though we'll be up around there we probably won't stop by. There's a documentary on this evening that she wants to watch with her son who lives in a village about 20 minutes away. While there is a strong temptation to sweep her away to a romantic destination - of which there are many in close proximity - I feel - despite her protests that I don't need to - that I need to ensure that I don't interfere with the time she spends with her children and friends.
Well - off I go to switch laundry and get ready for my errands. Thanks for riding along.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Sigh - I just don't get the jealousy thing. CMM is really bothered by the fact that I am friends with my exes (except my ex-husband). I figure, if I liked them enough at one time to sleep with them, and they didn't do something terrible to end the relationship, why wouldn't I be friends? I still care about what happens to them as human beings even if we weren't meant to be together. I believe it's a sign of a caring person and wouldn't you appreciate that yourself if you and B didn't work out and you got sick in the future? Wouldn't you appreciate a word of concern or a visit from B?
There is also much left-over cake which I have frozen and promised to share some of with B. 20S has also demanded that I save her at least one piece.
But she was open to that at the drive-in movie in the summer 
I don't think that I'll need any medicinal assistance on that part. It is very very important to me though to make sure that she knows and yes - that I know - that that's not why I like spending time with her. Just like I enjoy pumpkin pie both with whipped cream and without - can't have a post that doesn't have a food reference or bad analogy