Originally Posted by Wolfman My GAL activities are going to the gym, going out with friends spending time with family.
These aren't bad. How about hobbies, running reading self help books? I also play in a men’s baseball league and I have read DR, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” and now the 5 love languages.
Originally Posted by Wolfman 180’s not calling her or texting her first, not following her around (which I did at the beginning) validating a lot more instead of arguing, listening to her.
Those aren't necessary 180s they are not pursuing and validation. Those are good but 180s are more bad habits you had. What are you doing about becoming financially independent? I am financially independent, I am a teacher for 15 years and a real estate agent. So, I do ok for myself. My 180’s are just listening more, staying calm when she blows up, spending more time with the kids.
LH you made a comment about me being her butler because I did so much. That is was part of the problem, she had no responsibility growing up, w grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth. So I did a lot from the very beginning, once we separated I slowed down doing all those things and she felt it right away. She would make comments like your not going to clean up anymore, I would answer I did the kids made a mess again. Or she would say are you going to vacuum. I would reply the floors don t look dirty. She has even said, she doesn’t know how she will keep up with the house. That is not my problem. Yesterday she text me this: I know you are very upset and please don’t mistake my anger for this not hurting me... we need to figure this out for the sake of our children so they don’t suffer more than they need to. I replied that I am sorry that you are hurting and I know this must be very hard for you too. I said I don’t want the children to suffer either. I am trying to come to terms with this but it is hard. I will keep GAL and detaching.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Sorry I think I have your sitch mixed up with someone else who struggles with finances.
So because she had no responsibility growing up you think it is acceptable to become her butler? Does you W work?
Listen if you are banking on a recon based on her not being able to keep up with the house you are going to be in for a rue awaking my friend. Right now it is about respect and you seem to struggle in that department.
This is probably the hardest thing you will probably ever do in your life. You can't run from it. You best chance to recon is to face it head on and listen to the advice you are giving here.
My w does work too. She is in education. I never looked at myself being a butler. I was just trying to be that great husband. There were times I absolutely felt that way. I would get angry and stop for a while. When I did nothing happened, meaning the house was disgusting, bathrooms would smell, floors were gross. Then I couldn’t take it anymore how disgusting things were, so I would clean again. I am not basing rec on her keeping up with the house it was just a statement. I want to earn my respect back, I want to create a new M. I am here so hit me with the 2x4’s. I am willing to put the work in. That’s why I am on here all the time. Looking for the vets advice. Different note I have been reading up on some of your situations and man I feel like I am reading about my life on how the W acted and said. I have made many mistakes and really wish I was on here 8 months ago. I my small defense I did try other programs (paid for 2 others) it seemed to not work. I wish I went to this one first!!!
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
