Your right I guess what I meant to say is that the baggage appears to be very minimal along with the red flags with her having major deal breaker issues. There are no guarantees with any of it as you just experienced last week. I do find that my feelings are growing and I am getting more comfortable with her, who she is, her personality, etc. I think my nerves stem from commit issues coupled with knowing this is getting more serious.
Six months minimum before introducing kids. Because it takes AT LEAST that long, if not MUCH longer, to know if you are going to be in this relationship for the long haul. And your kids do NOT need to go through getting attached to people you are dating and then losing them when you break up.
Had another fun night with the dr past night. Kids came up and the topic of our feelings as well. She told me it was hard being vulnerable again and that she was scared just because she had not found any dealbreakers with me. I confirmed that I felt the same way so really nothing got accomplished other than both of us acknowledging our feelings. Then the conversation turned another direction and that was the end of it. I did tell her my timeline with the kids and my reasons why she indicated she thought it should happen sooner then the conversation got dropped.
Obviously it's clear neither of us are quite ready for all of it however I wonder if I pressed the issue if she would be all in. She made did make it clear how much she liked me and I told her the same.
She is a really great person but my emotions still ebb and flow. I will say though that when I went to her place yday I did not have a bunch of nerves ahead of time so I think I am making progress.
I think we are. She said her son gets attached to people very easily and had a hard time when his father broke up with a girlfriend that he had moved in. Interesting she said she thought the introduction should happen before 6 months as I think if I told her I love you, am falling in love with you or something also those lines my guess is she would then be ok with it. We discussed it a little bit this morning and I mentioned there is really no guarantees with anything and even after waiting 6 months some thing could happen to cause the R to end. I tried to bring it up again this morning but she didn't want to talk about it. On 4/16 it will have been 3 months of dating so I still think it is too soon as we normally only see each other 1 time per week.
I thought she might have been mad about the conversation as she didn't want to talk about it this morning but maybe it has more to do about her being scared as well. I think it is easy to enjoy each others company, have fun, and all that stuff but bringing kids into the mix takes to a whole new level.
That could have been part of the reason why she has dismissed so many guys as her own defense mechanism.
After I left this morning she sent me a text picture of her son eating a doughnut...……...
We discussed it a little bit this morning and I mentioned there is really no guarantees with anything and even after waiting 6 months some thing could happen to cause the R to end.
This is why the 6 month benchmark is a MINIMUM and not a trigger point. It should be only when you really think things are going to be long term. Six months doesn't mean it will be long term - just that at least you've had the minimum amount of time to help determine that.
It's odd that she would admit and realize that her son had a difficult time with a previous breakup with her husband yet is willing to risk her son to the same thing all over again - and seems to even be advocating for it. That's concerning and makes me wonder if she's not looking at her own needs over her sons best interest. Don't let her suck you into that! Hold to what is best for your kids - and honestly hers too. The way you both feel right now, introducing kids should be the last thing to happen. Reserve that for when or with someone you can't wait to see all the time, are madly in love with and feel certain is the one. Especially with young children. When they are into their teens they can do better with this stuff. When so young and after already dealing with the break up of mom and dad, it really effects them when people they are attached to "leave them" which is how they see it.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
We discussed it a little bit this morning and I mentioned there is really no guarantees with anything and even after waiting 6 months some thing could happen to cause the R to end.
B and I had an identical discussion. It seem like you are both eyes wide open which is good. The kid thing is different because they range from 24 to 37.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
This is why the 6 month benchmark is a MINIMUM and not a trigger point. It should be only when you really think things are going to be long term. Six months doesn't mean it will be long term - just that at least you've had the minimum amount of time to help determine that.
I couldn't have said it better, Don. Stick to the minimum 6 months, let her know you consider this a prudent minimum rule and it in now way reflects on her, just a wise rule you're going to follow. (And if she can't respect that she's not for you anyway.)
If kids come up again I will re-enforce. Maybe it's me but it seems like she is a little distant today. We have chatted off and on but she has not seemed to be her normal self. Maybe I disappointed her a little bit with my time line and by the fact I was not all in at the 2.5 month mark with expressing myself IDK.
I told her I appreciated her patience with me and she did acknowledge being vulnerable is not easy and she was scared/anxious/nervous as well. If anything maybe it caused her to tap the brakes a little bit.
