Thank you B, AS and Blu. So good to hear from all of you. I was at home getting ready for what was supposed to be my first date with Facebook guy but alas, it is not to be. He lives in a town about an hour from here with one highway in and out. We were supposed to meet at 5:30 at a town half way and go for a walk on the beach. Both of needed to be back home around 8:00. Anyway... as luck would have it, someone decided it would be a good time to have a massive traffic accident that has closed the highway in both directions. So...not meant to be today. I am very disappointed but can’t get too bent out of shape about it. Could be worse...it could be him in the accident. So I am glad for that.
I do feel like I have a pretty good attitude and am not getting into the dating world as a way of escape. Honestly, I am just ready to get out there and figure out who I am apart from being my kids’ mom. I am not looking to replace my H because the truth is, there is nothing to replace. He hasn’t been around for years and I have finally recognized and accepted it. I deserve better and I know better is out there. And better at this point is either with someone great or on my own. I’m okay with either outcome cause I know that I will have lots of fun along the way...lol.
Had a “like” from a guy who lives about 30 minutes away. He’s 49, has the same level education as me, has a couple of kids, looks really nice and says his passions are motocross and flying. So...a bit of a risk taker maybe. Thinking about messaging him (it’s Bumble so it has to be me that messages) although I know that if I start talking to too many people, I will definitely get overwhelmed.
Update... well, Facebook guy and I did try to get together but the traffic gods had other ideas. They did start letting traffic through so he decided to try to get through. I drove to the halfway point and he called me from the line. We talked for about an hour and a half but he had to turn around eventually as he needed to get back to his D13, It was frustrating that he was about a ten minute drive away had the highway been open as usual. It was nice talking to him on the phone but would have been great to have the person in front of me. Anyway...he does get an A for effort. Hopefully I will see him soon. Volunteering this morning at a breakfast for the homeless so gotta get ready. (((HUGS))) to all!!!
I am loving hearing the stories of you putting yourself out there in the dating world. It is great to read forward-facing posts about the future and the various possibilities, it is inspiring. You seem to be approaching it with a good perspective.
I know what you mean about the difficulty in handling the world of OLD, where there are so many options and clicks, or likes, or swipes to give. Often times, I found myself balancing different dates with different women, and conversing with others. At the beginning, it was easy to keep everything light, as there is no expectation of commitment or exclusivity. I found that the transition into deeper, more intimate relationships was difficult. Having frank, honest conversations and zero expectations has been both difficult and yet vitally important for me.
Keep getting out there and having fun, and be open to whatever may happen. I hope to read of even more successes in the coming weeks!
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
My adventures continue...lol. I finally went out for coffee with Tinder guy. He brought me flowers. It was really sweet. His story is kind of heartbreaking and inspirational all at the same time. He played volleyball as a teenager for the national team and was a firefighter. He was also married and had a couple of kids. Six years ago, he got into a horrific traffic accident. He was in the hospital for 340 days. Had his left leg amputated just below the knee. He also had a brain injury and had to relearn everything which kind of explains the confusing texts he sends sometimes. His wife cheated on him when he was in the hospital so sadly, his marriage ended. He has a lot of pain and I could tell he was in pain for the two blocks that we walked to get coffee even though he tried not to show it. I also think his brain injury has impacted his judgment as he told me he got duped out of $20,000 by someone he met online. He really was a super sweet guy but personality wise, I could tell, injuries or no injuries, we are not a match. He, on the other hand, obviously feels differently as he has texted me a number of times since then and calls me beautiful, etc... I feel like a terrible person for not being attracted to him. Certainly he deserves someone really great. But I need someone who is going to get out in the world with me and not keep me at home. Anyway, I am keeping my texts polite and short...like a friend would. If he asks me out again, I am going to have to tell him it's not in the cards. I really hate hurting people.
Facebook guy and I finally got together. He texted me yesterday that he was coming to my town to try to buy a new hockey stick. We ended up taking our dogs for a walk and spent some time talking. Another short visit... about an hour and a half. We have a lot of laughs together and have not run out of things to talk about. We are both at the same point in our lives...open to finding our "last" relationship but not in a hurry. He thinks it is most important to be really good friends with a partner first so is taking things slow. We are both talking to other people and just figuring things out. I am not even sure if I am physically attracted to him because I am just enjoying the friendship so much my brain hasn't even gone there. It is really nice and refreshing just to have that with no expectations or pressure.
Also been texting with the guy from Bumble. Turns out it is his mom that lives 30 minutes away and he was visiting her at the time. He lives in another province but is hoping to move out here some day. He wants to stay in touch. I'm fine with it. Will meet him next time he is here 'cause you never know...
My STBXH is back on Wednesday. Looking forward to him taking the kids for a few days (single parenting = tired). So funny that he is in Hawaii with his girlfriend and it doesn't even bother me. That would not have been the case a few months ago. This detachment thing is FANTASTIC. I just feel great...lol. Hope all of you on here get there soon!!!
Thanks DnJ. I still cannot believe that I have gotten there. My STBXH admitting his affair was a definite helper in that regard. As is all of the attention I’ve been getting on OLD sites. It has shown me that my life is not over and I feel myself being excited and enthusiastic about life again. Before when I thought of my STBXH, I would get this knotted feeling in the pit of my stomach and burning anxiety in my chest. I don’t get that anymore. If I do think of him at all, the thoughts are fleeting and there is little to no emotional or physical response. I am so grateful for that and grateful to you and the others on this board for their wisdom and encouragement.
Journaling...
Well yesterday just s#cked!!! I started getting a headache on Monday and by Tuesday morning it was a full-blown migraine complete with vomiting. So... got my BIL to drive me to the hospital and spent most of the day there hooked up to an IV. Thank goodness for my MIL who stayed home with the kids all day and made sure they were fed and entertained. She really is the BEST. This morning I still have a bit of a headache but nothing too painful so will go to work today.
Not much to report on the dating end of things. I have a ton of messages on P of F that I haven’t looked at yet as my dance card feels a bit full right now. All four guys I have been in touch with texted me yesterday. Tinder guy continues to send me random messages every day. I have been returning them but keeping them short and usually I don’t get back to him right away. I am hoping he just figures out it is not in the cards. I know, I’m a coward.
Facebook guy and I continue to be in contact every day for most of the day on and off. I get a lot of mixed signals from him which is totally fine at this stage. I know he likes me but is worried that our interests don’t match and that is important to him. I’m not worried about much. Just enjoying the friendship and wanting to continue building on that. I don’t have any expectations about where it will lead which is highly unusual for me. Still haven’t even figured out if I am physically attracted to him but that will work itself out the more face-to-face contact we have. Lately he has been texting me a lot of music that he likes. I feel like this is the “do we like the same kind of music” part of the “job interview”...lol. So far, so good. About 95% of what he has sent me, I like.
“Jack” and I are also in regular contact but that is more for amusement than anything. He is way too young for me. We just have fun flirting with each other and I think will eventually meet for fun but I don’t see us doing anything more than that.
This weekend I am kid-free. Looking forward to sleeping in and having the house to myself. You were right FS when you said I would eventually appreciate having the free time.
DV, just learn to make a clean break, he's not going to take the hint. We men are terrible at subtle hints. Heck we're terrible at obvious hints. Wood over the head works best. Steve Martin recommended the following break-up procedure on one of his old stand-up comedy tapes- "walk up to them and say 'I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee.' Then throw poopoo on their shoe." Hey it's worth a try Sorry about the migraine, sounds awful! Hope you are better!
Pre break up I use to wonder what I would do if I ever had any free time. It seemed all I ever did was run from one place to another (always late), never having any time to do anything just for me. I was queen of the unkept nails never having time to get to the nail techs. I hadn't let myself go exactly, I just learned to prioritise - and the children and our home were my priority.
Now, my nails get done every two weeks, I sit in cafes on my own on the weekend and have long leisurely lunches. I appreciate the time I have on my own and, more importantly, the time I get with my children. I like to think that the time I have with them is better because I am not busy doing the washing, or cleaning the house or whatever else needs doing.
Enjoy your freedom DV. You will be a better mum for it. Hope you're migraine gets better.
Oh, the chap that sits next to me at work keeps threatening to set up a dating profile for me. I am still resisting. But it is good to know that it is not as scary as I think.
AS - He texted me today and I honestly forgot to reply. Now it is so late I wouldn’t even know what to say. I wouldn’t have a problem being direct with most people but this guy has been through soooo much. I just feel like a jerk.
FS - OLD = Online Dating...lol. Honestly...I’m with the chap who sits next to you at work...lol. In your age group, you would have your pick of men. And the great thing is that you totally get to control who you meet, if you meet anyone. It’s kinda like catalogue shopping in a way...lol.
Got a message from a guy on Plenty of Fish that was so funny I had to reply...lol. It started with “OMG!! I think I love you!!!...lol.” Well...he has good taste at least. Good thing he lives far away or I might have a stalker on my hands...lol.
Still spending a lot of time texting with Facebook guy. He texted me at 5:30 that he was planning to go for a hike. I told him it is too bad I live an hour away otherwise I would have gone with him. He accused me of playing the “too far away” card. I also know that he would practically run up the trail (he never goes anywhere that is not uphill) and leave me in the dust so I will play that card as long as I can...lol. I think we are both kidless this weekend so may get together. Not sure I have ever had a “relationship” like this with a guy before. Usually I decide within 15 minutes of meeting someone if I am attracted to them or not which has been the case with every other person I have met so far (heavy on the “not” side of things with one maybe who took himself out of the game probably because of my lack of enthusiasm...lol) but not with this guy. I think I am attracted to him physically but I really don’t know for sure because when I see him I don’t even think about that side of things. And I have no idea why. So...if I see him this weekend, I think I need to pay more attention...lol. Maybe I’m afraid to be attracted or not be attracted because I like him so much? It’s like I don’t want to risk the friendship at this point because I would miss talking to him if the physical part isn’t there and that ruined things. Feel like I am babbling on about it... Sometimes I think I use this site to think outloud. Anyway...I will continue to ponder while I sleep.
Sorry about the migraine, sounds awful! Hope you are better!