The town I grew up in had 3500 people so low key and cheap has no issues with me. Maybe it has something to do with the women in Dallas or just the environment itself.
I remember coming across a few Bio's on the OLD dating sites where the women specifically mentioned that if you can't afford to take me out because of all the Child Support you pay to your XW please kindly don't message me. Granted that was the exception but I think the majority of the women around here expect something more.
Dawn you just might be a Unicorn
Well, some women are just b!tches. I would never tell a guy to choose taking me on expensive dates over paying for HIS children. Don’t even get me started on child support but that isn’t the point. I think some women are just very entitled. I’m not. I just don’t feel good about someone spending a lot of money on me with dates. Sparky and I, from the beginning, have taken turns paying for things. He paid for the first 2 dates and then we started alternating. If we do something big, we split the cost. Like when we went to see KISS, I paid for the tickets and he paid for the hotel room. I bought lunch, he bought supper. We are very much equal partners in this deal. Everyone is different and has different expectations and I get that.
I may be a unicorn or I may just be weird as h3ll....not sure. Lol
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I think a lot are entitled TBH or are looking for someone to take them on trips and live the lifestyle.
Anyway the DR and I are going out tomorrow night for our weekly date. We both have our kids this week but have made arrangements to be kid free tomorrow night. Her son is spending the night with her mom and my girls are spending the night at a family friends house.
I will say it is kind of weird going almost a week not seeing each other. Even though we text and talk on the phone daily it is hard to maintain that physical connection.
I have also noticed she has started to talk about her son more. This morning she made the comment that it was his 1/2 birthday today and he wanted to go to a park and do something. She has not directly asked me about my thoughts on when I felt that our kids should meet but she will bring things up like that. I am not sure if she is hinting around and wanting me to take bite or they are just innocent comments. Either way I am at work until 5ish this afternoon so I wouldn't be available until later anyway however I do feel that the conversation is going to happen some time soon.
So when I say there has been no serious conversations about anything yet it has to do with our kids as well. At some point I would think she will directly bring up and ask what my thoughts are.
I really have no problems with my Daughters meeting her as I know she would be a good role model and positive influence. I think it also helps that they have met my XW's BF as well so they should be more comfortable with it due to this fact. Since she does have a son that is 7 though I could see the kids potentially getting attached to each other which is a different element that my XW deals with since her BF's kids are in college.
Either way I still think it is too early for all of this to happen but I just get the feeling it is very much on her radar.
J- I understand that you feel she would be a positive influence on your daughters. But that isn’t the reason why it is suggested to wait 6 months. It has to do with attachment. Unless you are sure you want to make this long term, I wouldn’t do it.
When I met exNG’s daughter we clicked immediately. When we broke up, she would cry to her mom she misses me and wants to “walk to NJ “ and come see me. She was almost 7 at the time. My daughter really liked him too and she took a little hit with it, not as hard as his daughter. We shouldn’t have done it as our relationship was never really in steady ground. Just because it’s on her radar doesn’t mean it’s skmetjing you have to do
There are no guarantees , but trust me, you want to at least have the odds WAY in your favor.
But I didn’t really listen at first, and I’m sure you’ll do what you’ll do. But if I can help prevent someone from rushing into that with my experiences, I will shire as heck try.
Date tonight with the Dr. Going somewhere local since we are getting a late start. She referred to herself today as my girlfriend so I guess that is a done deal. I didn't correct her or say anything to contradict so I guess I am now in my first port D relationship!!
Needless to say not sure how I should feel but it is different than 20 years ago when I was young, kid free and care free. I don't feel all emotionally spun up, that I need to see her every waking hour of every waking day and am hanging on her every word. That said I do feel extremely and fortunate that our paths did cross. She is a good mom, a good person, is stable, obviously has a good career, no ex husband drama and I could go on so etc. etc.
That said it is scary and as Andrew said sometimes I feel as though I am way over my head and other times I feel really good about it. I get anxious/nervous before I see her but after we are out and I have had a couple of drinks I am able to relax and enjoy myself.
But that isn’t the reason why it is suggested to wait 6 months. It has to do with attachment. Unless you are sure you want to make this long term, I wouldn’t do it.
This is so important to keep in mind. My ex basically introduced the kids to the new squeeze very early on with the explanation that they both wanted to see how each would interact with each other's kids. If that didn't work, then there was no point in pursuing the relationship. I find that absolutely bizarre. The real reason I presume is that this allowed them to spend more time with each other and they wanted this out of the way.
The kids are getting the short-shrift here and both of them are basically giving priority over what they want to do over what's good for the kids. Unfortunately, I have no say over this but all I can do is be the strong rock for my kids and make sure they're okay.
My exW has zero patience with anything and I figured that after our separation and all of that she would've taken time to reflect on her behaviors and patterns, but that is sadly not the case. She is steamrolling through this new relationship and this guy seems to be good to go along - which again makes me question whether he's done any internal work from his previous marriage. I am just amazed that neither of them did a basic google search on what's the best way to introduce a new partner to young kids. It's full of advice on waiting and making sure that there is something long term to minimize attachment issues.
Anyways, it's really fascinating to see this from the outside and I have now seen him a couple of times as he came to some of the kids activities. I figured it would happen because my exW was gung-ho about me meeting him. Again zero patience and so I knew that this was the real reason behind it - she wanted to bring him around more and more. I didn't skip a beat emotionally as I knew it was going to happen and I know how to handle myself. Also wanted to make sure that I was being a good role model for my kids.
Thanks for letting me threadjack a little bit J, but just wanted to respond to this discussion as it's such an important one.
I still have not met my xw bf yet. When I dropped the girls off yday my youngest asked her mom if he was there when I walked them to the front door. She said yes but I could tell that it was awkward for her to say it and he was upstairs so he didnt come down or make himself available for me to meet him. I just assume when she is ready I will. He has also still not been to any kid activities yet and it has been over a year.
It was totally fine meeting him. I was anxious about the meet, but then I told myself that I was going to meet 'The Rock' and so he was going to be superior to me in every aspect of life. That thought process made me relaxed and just be myself. Very fascinating to see the type of guy she's dating. Made me realize so clearly that neither of them have done enough soul searching and the internal work to do this dating business. He does understand his place and is respectful about that, which is good to see. The words that comes to my mind when I think of him is 'safe'. Definitely no alpha vibe from him and I believe exW wants to be with someone where she can feel she is better than him, and someone that is just grateful to be in a relationship.
Anyways, just few of my impressions so far. I bet he is also getting love bombed as my W has no patience and is clearly in the limerence stage. Both of them need attention and they're getting it from each other - so maybe that works out. How it will be in the long run, I have no idea.
My exW is so not who I want to be with and hasn't done much work to address her issues, which makes her even further unattractive.
It's interesting your exW hasn't brought her bf to meet you. I feel like both our ex's are so very similar in how they've done some things. Maybe he's scared of meeting good ol' tall J.
