Apparently my standards are way too low but I prefer to think I am practical and realistic. I personally think that upwards of $125 for dinner is crazy. I would be fine with some place like Applebee’s. For Sparky’s 50th birthday, we went to a fancy place in Memphis that cost me $140. (Note I said it cost me, his birthday was my treat. While I consider myself relatively old-fashioned and traditional, I’m all for paying for my fair share of dates and I don’t think my offering early on is friendzoning, it’s practical, but I digress.), but that was a special occasion. I’m all for inexpensive places though, even when just dating. I would never, even in a relationship, expect someone to drop $100+ on a meal for me. In fact, I would feel bad about it. The last meal Sparky and I ate out was pizza we ordered from a local place.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I would imagine it also depends on your priorities. Some people would say it's worth the investment for the potential R or whatever your end goal is. Some would not, or that value would be much lower. I dunno, I would rather spend a c-note per week on my kids or invested towards my purpose. I'm not saying what you are doing isn't worth it J9, because it clearly is for you and the proof is in the pudding with you and the Dr. Different strokes for different folks.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
lol I got referenced in this conversation but it wasn't me that made the comment! I may not be your average bird but I value thoughtfulness in a date. A well thought out picnic in the park would impress me more than an expensive dinner out.
I'll confess, after dating some broke guys, I was on the lookout for signs that CMM was financially stable. He drove a nice car and took me to a nice restaurant on our first date. Turns out though he just still has champagne tastes from his days of making good money even though he ought to be more frugal now. I don't recommend you overspend to impress a woman - she'll figure it out eventually.
It doesnt have to do with priorities for me it's just how I am wired. I also dont consider spending $100 on a date overly expensive either. Heck me and my 2 daughters cant get out of chilis for less then $50 usually. Again it is all relative.
I am all for pizza, beer and chill on the couch but when your still in the courting phase where you are going out more than your staying in your gonna have to go out. I live in a large Metro area as well where there are options so depending on where you live that could factor in as well.
The major wining and dining is not sustainable. With kids, mortgages, bills, etc. I pay about half of the time, he pays about half of the time, once in a blue moon we have a $150 date, but otherwise, around $75-100 once a week. I love cooking for my man and cuddling on the couch. Sometimes we just hit the local pub and grab a beer and an app. Or have our yoga date ( $19 drop in fee) in the summer, we both like the outdoors, so fishing, hiking, kayaking, etc.
I never split the bill. Taking turns is much more “intimate” and I find splitting is very friend zone.
And on the car thing. I tend to date guys with pick up trucks. It’s weird. But that guy with ED who lost his sales job ( which he wasn’t making much money in because they fired him because he stunk at it) lived in a small one bedroom apartment but had a new camaro. The fact that he made little money and then made none and had a flashy car bothered me a little. But that was his choice where he wanted to spend his money. But he had no kids, so his priorities are not congruent with mine.
There should be a budget for dates that works into ones personal personal budget. I’m not going to spend a $100 on a date and feel bad because I didn’t spend it on my kid. That’s mom’s budget for her fun. But if I’m going nuts and my kid is suffering, that’s not right.
It’s so funny, there is always this social media debate about women who were not happy with the size of their engagement ring.
And the people who would like a decent ring get slammed saying it’s about love, etc.
I don’t agree. Like the broke guy who has a nice car. I think if a woman would love her engagement ring to be decent, and it’s not going to break the bank, she is t being selfish. It’s important to her. Sure, someone we could all drive beater cars but we would rather have nice ones if we can afford it right?
Sometimes we have to consider what is important to the other person and not judge them for it.
I dont split either and we have done low key dates like hooking up at her place after her son goes to bed so it is not all about wining and dining. When we do go out though it seems to be around $100.
Again it is a struggle for a lot of men especially those that pay CS which is usually the vast majority.
It doesnt have to do with priorities for me it's just how I am wired. I also dont consider spending $100 on a date overly expensive either. Heck me and my 2 daughters cant get out of chilis for less then $50 usually. Again it is all relative.
I am all for pizza, beer and chill on the couch but when your still in the courting phase where you are going out more than your staying in your gonna have to go out. I live in a large Metro area as well where there are options so depending on where you live that could factor in as well.
Like I said, I guess my standards are lower or something. I just don’t want that fancy dinner lifestyle. And I get your point about being comfy in a relationship vs. courting but early in our dating, we did the pizza and movie nights at home. I’m just very low maintenance and I don’t like the whole wining and dining thing. I’m like kml, I’m more impressed by a picnic in the park than a fancy dinner. But that’s me. And everyone is different.
I think where we live does factor in. I live in a relatively small town (less than 7500), but Sparky lives in a tiny town (700 ish). I live in a town that has 2 colleges, so during the school year, our population nearly doubles. We have some pretty decent places to eat and a good selection of fast food. We live about 30 minutes from one of the most popular tourist destinations in this region (which is SUPER busy right now, smack in the middle of horse racing season) and we live about 45 minutes from the largest city in the state, so having choices isn’t a factor, if you don’t mind driving a bit.
After reading back through some of the recent posts, I guess what I’ve come to realize is that it isn’t necessarily that my standards are lower, they are just different. Not saying those who like nice, expensive things are wrong, it is just different. I’m a good, decent person. I’m educated and professional with a good job and decent income. Financial stability is important to me. I think it may be more driven by how I was raised than current choices. I was raised on a farm and we worked A LOT. Occasionally, my dad would load everyone up and we’d go spend the day at the creek or the lake and play in the water and picnic. Once a month or so, he’d take us to a locally owned pizza place and we’d have pizza and play video games and he and mom would have a pitcher of beer or two. And in the cooler parts of the year, instead of swimming, we’d go bowling or just hang out at home and play games or go for walks or whatever. Those are some of my happiest memories because they were focused on quality family time. I love that quality time.
To Ginger’s point about the engagement ring, I do think women are sometimes ungrateful with what they receive because their expectations are so high. Again, I’m not saying those who prefer big honking diamonds that could choke a horse are wrong, I’m just saying if they are dating someone who isn’t loaded, the likelihood of receiving a horse choker is much lower. My engagement ring is a square cut garnet surrounded by tiny diamond chips and I LOVE it!!!!! It is beautiful, special, unique and I love it because it was hand-selected by the person I love with my jewelry taste in mind. I’m not a flashy diamond kinda girl. Garnet is my birthstone, my favorite gem and our first date was in January so it ties our worlds together in my eyes. But, again, to each his own. Some women would hate my ring but I love it.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
LOL - This is turning back in to the dating after divorce thread again.
Currency differences aside - our muskrat pelts and pemmican don't buy as much as the American greenbacks for the same $ value - but $100 for a reasonably nice roadhouse dinner with a couple of drinks on each side is certainly the norm here. I could go easily double that for a really nice place.
I'm fortunate in some ways perhaps that B hardly drinks. One small glass of Zinfandel and she's tipsy - or "that's what she said". I recall going out with CL and the bar tab alone was roughly $100. One other lady - and it was the last date I asked her out on - the bar tab was double that. With that said, dinner with B on Wednesday was slightly over $100 - she had one drink, I had two and it was in support of a local charity. So it's all good.
I'm with the gals on this one - and not just because I'm a cheap Scotsman by ancestry. I'm financially solvent - easily proven despite my beat up car and shabby but neat house. It's fairly obvious with a good but not over the top wardrobe and some nice things around me that I value quality and don't mind spending for it. But I'd prefer a nice brunch and spending the afternoon together any day. I'll often thank the person I am with for - as Cadet would say - the gift of their time.
It's tough I suppose for those with young kids to get out for anything other than an evening date which necessarily adds to the cost and makes creating that quality time together tough.
From my point of view - when I would take anyone out - I want them to see who "I" am on a regular basis. A guy who likes his eggs over-easy and wandering around flea markets. The time I would prefer to spend with someone should be both intimate and sustainable especially since for me, I'm looking for someone for the long term.
But again - I'm a rebel and anyone who won't take me for who I am on an average day - I don't want in my life. I don't usually eat in upscale restaurants. I'd rather be making Jack_Three_Beans' chicken Marsala in my home kitchen. I am still trying to find a pretty apron that fits a big guy though.
Each to their own though. We each have different priorities, means, likes and goals. What I like and am comfortable with certainly isn't for everyone. There is no one answer or set of rules IMO.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
The town I grew up in had 3500 people so low key and cheap has no issues with me. Maybe it has something to do with the women in Dallas or just the environment itself.
I remember coming across a few Bio's on the OLD dating sites where the women specifically mentioned that if you can't afford to take me out because of all the Child Support you pay to your XW please kindly don't message me. Granted that was the exception but I think the majority of the women around here expect something more.
