Dang if I have to drop a c-note or more per date I might as quit before I get started. I mean my only dating experience was my XW way back in high school and the dates we did in college or as a married date nights, but I never remembering it costing that much.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
I would actually prefer hiking, walking on the boardwalk at the beach, an arboretum, a museum over an expensive restaurant. The expensive restaurants are more of a once in a while thing. I agree with not going to chili’s and Applebee’s though. But that can be replace with a local cafe or cute breakfast place.
J - All great date ideas but eventually you are going out to dinner and if you have kids chances are your time is limited depending on your schedule so you might only have evenings free the majority of the time. Saturday night the DR and I are going out. She has her kid and I have mine but we have made arrangements and our Sat night is free. I have not seen her since Sunday morning so a local café or cute breakfast place won't cut it. Granted we could just go hang at someone's house or do something else but we haven't seen each other all week.
Sat night will probably cost me $125 by the time we have drinks and dinner. A couple of $15 to $20 dollar entrees, with $20 to $30 in drinks assuming no dessert, salads, appetizers, etc. is going to put me pretty close. The amount of drinks also depends on how expensive her glasses of wine are. She could easily spend $20 herself with the 2 glasses she normally drinks.
Agreed you can do things to minimize but dating is expensive.
I would also add that it's part of setting the mood as well. You go out, nice dinner, valet the ride, sit close to one another, have a few drinks, your holding hands, touching, kissing, etc. It's the build up, setting the tone for when you get home and you get your freak on.
It's also fun being out on the town, kid free, no worries.
Ha... funny you mention the car. Not dating right now but when I think about it... I’m like hmmmm ... I should probably get a new one.... mine is not impressing anyone. Though I could get a nice one something just always says spend it on something else. I’m not sure if I my car would be a turn off or not or if the gal carers that much about my car then that is a sign. Meh maybe my next one will be nice... I’m in a much different place now. Just found it funny you mentioned because it enters my mind a lot haha!
P - You don't need to drive a Lambo or anything of the sort. It also depends on how hard you are looking to roll...you know????? I have a 2017 Highlander nothing fancy but it is new. When I get rid of it next year I will be getting something older, more miles but tasteful. Like a used BWM, an older Land Rover or something like that.
I don't want someone that is money hungry either or is all about what you drive/the material things. Again though it is all relative to the situation you are in and what you are looking to do. Your expectations, the type of person you are and what you want to attract, etc.
Everyone is certainly different and has different expectations, etc.
J. That is a lot of money. Especially if you are paying child support and have your kids for equal custodial time. Is this something you can sustain? I do not think it’s realistic for a woman to expect that every weekend. Although, Dr. does seem to contribute and takes turns and you said she’s ok with more affordable options. Im wondering if you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself ? Like what’s wrong with a bottle of wine and pizza and movie night mixed in?
I’m personally, a bit relieved when a guy does not have a luxury car. it makes me feel like he’s not about showing off but about financial responsibility which is a bit more appealing to me (then again my ex drives luxury cars yet depleted his IRA - so I am biased)
J..I certainly could not afford to do it every weekend both fri and sat nights. This Sat is the only time this weekend and during the week, next week, I will only see her when her kid goes to bed. If we do see each other on a fri and sat night then that second night will usually be some low key option.
Any way you slice it dating is expensive.
I am lucky to live below my means and am not a fancy person that needs a bunch of luxury things in my life. I would actually have a different car right now if I could but I agree to take the car in the D because I made more than the xw and she couldn't afford the payments. It's a lease and it will.be up next year.
Dating is expensive and I guess there is a lot of pressure put on you guys. You want to impress, it does work with women. No doubt. But how fair is it ?
If I get a sense that the guy has good intentions - I’m gonna make sure to try to keep his expenses down. Thanks for your input J.
The cost and the expectations are all relative to where you are in life. What kind of job you have, etc. Imo you can date down but it is very hard to date up. If you are a burger flipper at Wendy's your prob not going to date a Lawyer. So to me it is all relative to your situation.
There is definitely pressure and I think that is where a lot of men struggle because they dont feel that they are good enough based on how they look, the money they make, the car they drive, their living conditions, etc. Couple that with the child support they pay which generally goes to the wife makes their financial situation even worse.
